A Small Prayer For Rachel, Isaac is Hungry!

Hi Everyone,

We hope that you enjoyed a blessed Palm Sunday.

Thanks again for your prayers, kind thoughts and your moving and informative posts.

Friday was a day of poignant reflection on both the miracle and fragility of life for Sonia and me. While we are thinking about a memorial service for Rachel after Sonia is discharged, we had a small ceremony in a tiny quiet room (abou 10x10) for Rachel at the hospital before she was taken to the crematorium. We hadn't seen her since Tuesday and she looked so beautiful, peaceful and delicate. The mortuary prepared a small white casket that we filled with a little teddy bear angel a small cross made of twigs, a little necklace with two hearts and lots of flowers.

Pastors Dennis and Takeshi were kind enough to attend to pray for Rachel and to share a short message. In addition to the pastoral staff and immediate family, some of the nurses to took care of Rachel and are taking care of Isaac came down to pay their respects. The nurses and doctors have been exceedingly kind to Sonia and me despite our language barriers and we are so very thankful to Him for that.

I don't think Sonia and I fully appreciated that we wouldn't see Rachel again until we joined Rachel by God's side until we saw her in her tiny casket. In addition, the service was one of the few times that Sonia and I had had to grieve together thus far. Neither of us were able to fight the feeling that we had failed her somehow and the guilt was a little overwhelming. We had to remind ourselves that God's plan for Rachel and for our family was still beyond our comprehension and that she was truly in a better place. We were grateful that Sonia's parents and my mother were finally able to spend time with her.

While we could have stayed in that room with her forever, we had to gather ourselves as our one hour visit with Isaac was scheduled just after Rachel's service.

To go from mourning for Rachel to celebrating Isaac's fighting spirit was a juxtaposition that He couldn't have planned better - for me anyway. While we will always have a place in our heart for Rachel, we were reminded that our grieving could not hamper our being there for Isaac.

He is still pretty active, kicking and swinging his arms. We think he must be dreaming quite a bit as he will suddenly twitch as if we was hiccuping. We hope to post a couple of pictures soon.

Our doctors say that he as stable as can be expected but they remain guarded. In particular, Isaac needs to be able to start taking his mother's milk very soon as he's losing a lot of weight. They've been test feeding at 0.5 ml but apparently Isaac needs to consume 80 - 100 mls a day just to get back to his birth weight. While still active, he does seem weaker and less energetic recently. Looking back at pictures I took of him on his birthday and ones that I just took this weekend, I am astonished at how much thinner he has become. It also hurts so much to watch him knawing at this tiny teething ring that they've given him because he must be so hungry! Fortunately, he still seems to really enjoy his daily foot rubs and the lack of calories seems to be encouraging him to sleep more peacefully.

Thankfully, his temperature is still stable and his skin seems to be thickening which is important to fight infection.

Sonia continues to recover. Her five weeks of bedrest has taken a toll on her leg muscles (which weren't that strong to begin with) so she is having mobility problems and now some pretty significant swelling around her legs, ankles and feet. The hospital is starting to feed her real food which is good thing and she is starting to produce much more breast milk.

Thanks again for visiting with us and for your continued prayers. Limited to one hour visits a day, I don't quite feel like a parent yet but I know Sonia and I are praying as hard as we can for just that responsibility and opportunity when Isaac can come home with us.

God bless,

Jong