I went back to our church, Tokyo Baptist Church, for the first time since before I was admitted to the hospital at the end of February today. It was truly like coming home. It was so good to see everyone and truly humbling to see all the church members who have been praying for this little family. Its amazing that despite the size of our church (regular attendees of about 1,300 people, with 5 services), our church really feels like our close knit family. How amazing is it that if you are part of the Christian family, when you are in need, you can call up thousands of Christians brothers and sisters, not just from our church but also from all over the world, and they will pray for you with all their heart?The sermon today was so timely and appropriate. It was about the first Beattitude - "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" Matthew 5:3. Pastor Dennis explained that "poor" in this context does not mean poor or lacking in material things or humility or meekness, but poor as in beggar. Basically the verse means that blessed are those who are totally destitute in front of God and who have total dependence on God. We need to totally renounce our lives and be totally dependent on God.
I realized during the sermon today that since our babies were born, I have started holding on to too many things again. I started holding on to Rachel too much, Isaac waayyyy to much and my broken heart, my grief, my "why's"... the list goes on. Somehow, it seemed so hard to surrender everything to God, especially Isaac. But at church today, I realized that it really wasn't so hard. I just had to let go. Isaac isn't really ours anyway, like Rachel wasn't really ours. Our Lord just placed them in our care for the time when they are on this earth so we are just God's stewards of Isaac and Rachel. Its an extremely important job that God gave us but ultimately, we are just doing it for God, and not for our own gain. So today, I tried to surrender everything to our Lord again. Doesn't it feel good that we have an almighty God who can take all of our burdens off of our shoulders? I know I will probably need to reminded to surrender again and again. So please feel free to pipe up and remind me if you see that I am starting to hold on too tight again.
Isaac was more stable today. Apparently, yesterday, apart from his oxygen saturation levels fluctuating a lot, his blood pressure was also down and he started urinating a lot less. The doctor decided to put an IV back into him and gave him medicine to improve his blood pressure and that seemed to have stabilize things for now, including his oxygen saturation levels. He said that if things become unstable again and the blood pressure medicine doesn't work, he might have to give steroids to Isaac. As there are side effects from using steroids that might complicate things so we are praying for a miraculous healing of his CLD and his low blood pressure.
Isaac was face up today so we were actually able to see his growing belly - a sweet sight to his mama and daddy. He is now getting 10 ml of milk per feeding. That will be the maximum level for him for a little while. We pray that he will continue to grow and gain weight so that he can start taking even more milk. While we were there, he actually had a little throw up, which surprised him and woke him up -- and he opened his eyes again. This time even wider than the day before and it really, really seemed like he was looking at us because his eye balls followed us a little when we moved. We held his gaze for a little while - we don't know if he can really see us but its sooooo sweet to make eye contact with our precious little boy!
Thank you so much for your prayers. We will keep thanking you for your prayers but keep asking
you to pray more. Just like we will never stop begging our Lord to protect Isaac -- because we are destitute in front of our Lord - when it comes to Isaac, there is really nothing we can really do for him except to pray for him.Take care and we hope your Sunday was/will be as blessed as ours was.
Sonia
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4 comments:
Dear Sonia,
It is wonderful to see precious Isaac thriving. Joy. Already He has answered prayers as we watch your little one pass his milestones along the way. Hooray. What a miracle.
Here's an excerpt from Oswald Chambers which I found encouraging:
"While you have the light, believe in the light..." (John 12:36)
"We all have moments when we feel better than ever before, and we say, 'I feel fit for anything; if only I could always be like this!' We are not meant to be. Those moments are moments of insight which we have to live up to even when we do not feel like it. Many of us are no good for the everyday world when we are not on the mountaintop. Yet we must bring our everyday life up to the standard revealed to us on the mountatintop when we were there.
Never allow a feeling that was awakened in you on the mountaintop to evaporate. Don't place yourself on the shelf by thinking, 'How great to be in such a wonderful state of mind!' --Act immediately -- do something, even if your only reason to act is that you would rather not. If, during a prayer meeting, God shows you something to do, don't say, 'I'll do it' -- just do it! Pick yourself up by the back of the neck and shake off your fleshly laziness. Laziness can always be seen in our cravings for a mountaintop experience; all we talk about is our planning for our time on the mountain. We must learn to live in the ordinary 'gray' day according to what we saw on the mountain.
Don't give up because you have been blocked and confused once -- go after it again. Burn your bridges behind you, and stand committed to God by and act of your own will. Never change your decsion, but be sure to make your decision in the light of what you saw and learned on the mountain."
May the joy of the Lord be your strength.
Andrea
Hi Sonia and Jong,
Because I am the nursery worker at my church, I never get to worship with my friends. I also never hear the sermon. That's really O.K. though, because I will be going back to college soon to get a Master's degree in Theology. I have a Bachelor's degree in Music Education. The point is, your post about the "poor in spirit" was my connection to worship today. I thank you for your amazing sermon!
I have a selfish request. Would it be possible to post a picture of the two of you together? Since my family prays for you every day, we feel like we know you, and would love to know what you look like. We love the pictures of Isaac. Keep them coming!
Kristina Whitley
kpwhitley@hotmail.com
Dear Sonia,
Thanks for posting more pictures of Issac, he is so very sweet. I am sorry to hear that he has had some set backs, but it also sounds like he is making really good progress. I wish there was something comforting I could say that would help the pain you feel, all I can say is that I keep pulling for you and send my prayers everyday.
Hugs to you
Allison
Hello from another preemie parent, I once was where you are now, I pray for success and Isaac's lessing roller coaster through the NICU, God bless you both, hope you'll come chat some time with other parents of preemies www.preemieparents.org
Respectfully,
A. Workman
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