Tomorrow, August 1, is Isaac's and Rachel's original estimated due date. I can't believe its August 1 already. It will be a tough day for me because from tomorrow on, Isaac is officially behind in growth compared with other babies based on Isaac's adjusted age. And every single additional day he is in the hospital is another day he should have been home were I able to go full term with him.
Its great to be able to hold him now but we only get to hold him for such a short time (it was about 10-15 minutes today). Its tough seeing the other babies cry and cry without being comforted around us in GCU because they are not getting fed, knowing that the same thing happens to our baby when we are not there. For babies who have no breathing issues, the nurses just prop the bottles up on the side of the basinett and leave the babies to feed from the bottles on their own. Today I saw the baby next to Isaac licking the side of the bottle for quite a while because he had accidently pushed off the nipple and couldn't reach it. I feel like I am abandoning my baby in an orphanage. Its sad because I am sure the parents of these babies are perfectly willing to be there to feed their own babies if the hospital did not have this archaic policy limiting visiting hours so unreasonably (Jong says it feels like we're in jail and we're given one hour visitation rights).
Its hard for me to think about my blessings today but I pray that I can snap out of this after tomorrow. I am tired of being sad, feeling down and feeling unmotivated in my life. I will let myself mope for one more day and that is it!
I need to rely on God more than ever to somehow find the patience and the grace to continue this journey at Toho for perhaps 2 or 3 more months and still be able to be His salt and light at this hospital.
Take care,
Sonia
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7 comments:
i'm praying for you, jong and isaac, dear sister.
what you describe breaks my heart, too, but i am rejoicing that isaac is with us and you are able to see him at all! but i want you to be able to bring that boy home, where he belongs.
i love you and am in awe at your faith.
Sonia praying that Isaac's miraculous journey will continue and he'll either be moved closer to you or he'll go home sooner than expected! Praying for your hurting heart today and the loss of Rachel! (((Hugs)))
I, like Lisa, truly feel that Isaac will go home sooner than expected. I think that Isaac will "WOW" the medical community with his awesome ability to bounce back and be completely healed. I feel your frustration because I too want something that I cannot have - another baby. Jim and I are trying to save enough money to adopt, but since we are both school teachers, we don't make that much, and it is really difficult. We have just begun the process of saving $20,000. It will take us 2 years at this point to save that much money, and then it will take another 12 - 16 months to go through the paperwork and the adoption process. So, even though I want a baby right now, God doesn't want me to have a baby until about 2009. (Unless a miracle happens.) Sometimes it is difficult to wrap my head around the fact that all things happen in God's time, not our own. Jim and I have decided to adopt a girl from China, so we will be in your corner of the world for two weeks in 2009!
Love in Christ,
Kristina
Isaac is doing so well, all things considered. I know it is hard for you guys right now but be comforted knowing that we are praying for you and Isaac each day. I think he looks more and more like Jong. And it is amazing how big he looks now. I have a little surprise for Isaac. If I see Jong during his next trip back to CA, I'll give it to him them. Otherwise, I'll send it so it can be waiting for Isaac when he goes home to your apartment.
Much love,
Mary
You have such amazing strength and faith!! I've been following your family ,well I try every day. I can relate to you in the fact the our twin girls were born at 25 weeks amnd were in the hospital for four months before they could come home. It seems like forever at the time but now when I look back it seems so short. It has been a year now that they have been home and that wait was well worth it. Your hospital rules seem alittle harder there, but keep up the good work. Isaac looks so good, those O2 ups and downs I thought would never end, but they do out grow them. My prayers are with you and your little angel. God bless!
Sue A
Sonia,
I know how hard this is for you! But, before you know it, Isaac will be coming home. He is doing so well and he looks great. The down days are normal for you to have, so don't beat yourself up. God has a reason for everything you have been through, so please be patient for a little while longer. Isaac will have no memories of being in the NICU. My other son is from an orphanage where he was not given the attention he needed in the first 8 months, but is doing great and he too, has no memory of this experience. I am praying for you and sending good thoughts your way.
Hugs,
Susan
My heart aches for you as you wait to take your precious son home. May you both--and Isaac--feel God's arms holding you next to his heart just as you held Isaac to your heart. Keeping you in prayer,
--A Texas grandmother
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