At least for now. I woke up this morning and my right forearm was numb and swollen. It turned out that my IV wasn't working anymore so they had to change it again. Perhaps because it is the Lord's Day today, our Lord was merciful and Dr. Sakamoto happened to be here because another patient of his was in labor so he changed my IV and he got it with the first try and it was probably the most painless IV change so far.
This is our second Sunday in the hospital. The sec0nd extra Sunday that we didn't think we would have with Rachel and Isaac after Rachel lost all the water in her sac. We praise and thank God for that.
Ever since I have been here at the hospital, it seems like every morning when I wake up, the Lord will put a song or hymn in my head. This morning was the traditional hymn "Holy, Holy, Holy" -
Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty!
Early in the morning our song shall rise to thee.
Holy, holy, holy! Merciful and mighty,
God in three persons, blessed Trinity!
Yesterday was a bit tough for Jong and I - not because something bad happened but actually because it was a very quiet uneventful day. It was kind of like a "hangover" day as we have finished a pretty traumatic week and a half with lots of ups and downs. I guess it was easy for Satan to sneak in and put all these "if only" and "what if" thoughts in my head. I also got a bit scared. I have never ran a marathon or do anything similar. I tend to wimp out easily. If things go the way we hope, it will be a long wait. I was scared that I didn't have the mental strength to do this. So last night, Jong and I spent most of our time talking together and praying. Somehow, by the end of the night, I know I can do this. And I have so much help. Not just from God and all the prayers. Jong spends so much time with me here and my dad arrived in Tokyo on Thursday night and keeps me company during the day. My mom is arriving next Friday and will be doing the same. I don't think I have had that much time to spend with either of my parents since a very long time ago - another blessing from God.
We had a more thorough appt with Dr. Sakamoto this morning. It was a bit of a sobering appt. Things are still going well for Isaac. His blood flow seemed normal and he is still about 1.5 weeks ahead in growth. But Rachel is now falling more behind - she is now one week behind average. She also still hasn't accumulated any fluids. Dr. S doesn't even want to discuss or check Rachel that much as I think he doesn't want to give us false hopes or grow too attached. Because from his medical perspective, there is basically no chance for Rachel. With respect to Isaac, he said that he still wasn't optimistic but that he thinks there is a shot. This is the most optomistic we have heard him discuss Isaac. He really thinks we need to make it till at least 28 weeks though.
I know every extra day we have is a miracle but for Rachel to be born and stay alive we would need a completely amazing miracle. Its really hard for me to imagine Rachel not making it as I always imagine Rachel and Isaac together. One nurse commented that they must be really good friends as their heartbeats always seem to match each others. Our love for her and Isaac continues to grow each day we have with them. Surrendering to God in my head is a lot easier than surrendering in my heart. I need to keep hoping for a miracle for Rachel and Isaac without hiding behind my hopes - I mean, I need to face the very real possibility that one or both might not make it while praying for a miracle for them. It is very hard.
One a brigher note, I also want to share something that happened on Friday night. I was playing Amy Grant's "If I can only Imagine" on my laptop in the evening when the nurse came in to put antiobiotics medication into my IV. She started looking at my laptop very strangely and then said that she has the CD. I was very surprised and said, its Amy Grant, its Christian music. And she said she knows and she became a Christian 2 years ago. She said only 1% of Japan's population is Christian and she was so excited to find out that I am a Christian. The weird thing is just earlier in the night, I complained to Jong about her as I thought she wasn't as nice as the other nurses. God spoke so clearly to me that night -- that I should not be so critical and judgmental of other people and that He has placed the right doctors and nurses to take care of our babies and I should be thankful.
Sorry this entry is a bit disjointed. I wrote small bits at a time through out the day. Jong is going to be away for most of the day tomorrow so I am praying for another very uneventful day so that Jong doesn't have to worry while he is away.
God bless,
Sonia
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3 comments:
Be encouraged that God will not let us face anything that we can not handle. It is truly that when we are at our weakest that His Glory comes through. No matter what the outcome is, whether Isaac and/or Rachel can be born safely or whether our Father calls them home, they will be a testimony of God's amazing grace and mercies. There are lots and lots of people praying for you all over the world, most of them have not even met you!
Please know I'm praying for you...we've never met but I keep checking your blog to touch base with you and see how you all are holding up. Keeping you so close in my prayers. You're doing an amazing job. Sending you lots of hugs from the US. Heather (HP)
Sonia and Jong
Hang in there! Our prayers are with you. Much love...
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