Dear Friends and Loved Ones,
It's Friday evening here in Tokyo and we're praying that we can make it to week 22 and 4 days.
Where do I begin.
We started the morning very early today. As I might have mentioned, I've been emailing various hospitals and doctors in the U.S. to see if we could get some advice from other experts for Sonia, Rachel and Isaac.
Believe or not, one doctor was kind enough to call but at 6am! We'll take it and we're thankful. In any event, the doctor seemed like he's had a lot of cases like Sonia's and that he was confident about what needed to be done. Unfortunately, in these cases, he suggested that the most effective treatment was to induce labor and remove Rachel and then artificially stop labor before Isaac's water breaks (something our Dr. Sakamoto has mentioned as well in the past). The idea would be to remove the baby that presents the highest infection risk and threat to the mother and the remaining baby and then proceed with Isaac for as long as possible. After I told him that Rachel's hand was already visible, he felt that there really was no better option and that the matter was quite serious and urgent because of the risk of infection. He felt strongly enough about it to suggest that we even consider taking the risk of a 12 hour flight to Denver to admit Sonia and the twins to his hospital. While we'd totally consider doing that under other circumstances, unfortunately, Sonia is totally exhausted and can barely walk to the restroom by herself now. As no commercial airline would take Sonia if we disclosed the full extent of her complications, she'd be just another pregnant passenger in biz class which would mean lots of sitting up and waiting. More importantly we simply couldn't embrace the concept of the thought of flying to Denver knowing that the first thing they would do is terminate Rachel's life. We fully understand that Sonia's health and that of Isaac are on the line here as well but God has given us two babies and both have been so amazingly brave thus far. We still have no sign of infection, both continue to grow and heartbeats are strong - how can we deny Rachel and Goda a chance to work another miracle after these many weeks that no one thought we'd have?
In any event, events beyond our control quickly removed this option from the table. Sonia's regular check-up today revealed that her cervix had dialated even more and that Rachel had further extended her hand and arm out of Sonia's womb. The attending doctor then had Sonia get back up and climb onto a bed to have an ultrasound done. Rachel is still a week or so behind and Isaac is still about 1.5 - 2 weeks ahead. After all of this activity, the attending doctor allowed Sonia to walk all the way back to her room unassisted.
Sonia was obviously pretty upset by the news at that point but things got more serious quickly. Almost as soon as she had made it back to her room, Sonia started feeling a lot of pressure at the bottom of her uterus. This time they wheelchaired her back to the examination room and upon further examination, Sonia's cervix had dilated significantly and Rachel's arm and hand were so far out that they were almost visible from the outside. In fact, the doctor not only felt an arm and hand but a knee as well.
After a lot of discussion, they decided that what Sonia felt were uterine contractions so they put Sonia back on an IV to give her medicine to stop the contractions. Easier said than done. Sonia had very few decent vein candidates when she check in here a month ago and after more than a dozen sticks during the first few weeks, they weren't able to find any veins for the IV on either forearm. They ultimately resorted to inserting the IV into a small vein in Sonia's left hand using a tiny IV needle that is usually reserved for newborns. For some reason, the IV is causing shooting pains that we are praying will go away in time for Sonia to get some sleep tonight. In an attempt to help Sonia stablize the area around the IV, we actually ended up using the DVD case of "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Day" as a splint!
The contractions have subsided but the medicine (magnesium sulfate) is giving Sonia some pretty serious headaches and has definitely had a negative impact on her emotionally (it makes your heartbeat increase, sweat and causes you to be generally uncomfortable).
To top it off, we received a call from Dr. Sakamoto this afternoon wherein he informed me that he had received a call from our hospital because its neonatal intensive care unit was dangerously full with some recent premature twin deliveries. They have become quite concerned now that if Sonia goes into labor, they may not be able to provide the best possible treatment for hear and the babies and have asked whether we would consider moving to another hospital! While there are larger and perhaps better neonatal departments in Tokyo, they would know nothing about Sonia's condition and more importantly, Dr. Sakamoto would probably not be our primary ob-gyn. We're supposed to discuss it further this weekend but either choice is clearly undesirable.
Finally, we just received a call from our insurance company - we had asked them for help in finding an expert perinatologist in the U.S. with whom we may be able to speak but they have had no luck. Given the circumstances, none of the doctors with whom they spoke was comfortable doing anything over the phone without actually seeing Sonia and the babies themselves. Of course no one recommends moving Sonia so that sort of leaves us where we started.
Understandably, Sonia's spirits are down. It almost seems like we just can't catch a break. We know in our minds that God would never give us anything we couldn't handle and that he has been amazingly merciful and generous this far, but I guess we are still struggling with one wave of bad news after another. I wish Sonia could have at least seen little Rachel's hand the other day.
At this point, we are praying hardest that Sonia and the twins can avoid infection and that Sonia will feel better and more encouraged tomorrow. Seeing Rachel's hand was a big deal for me and I think it would help Sonia immensely if God could somehow show her a sign that everything will be ok and that she, Rachel and Isaac are in good hands. We're also praying that more bedrest, elevating her abdomen (this is another problem actually that we won't go into today) and wheel chair rides to the examination room will help stabilize things again. Finally, please pray that God give Sonia's mother physical and emotional strength as well as the daily routine of preparing meals and making the trip here, massaging Sonia and cleaning up is taking its toll as well.
I apologize for the length of the post. I wish we had something more positive to post today. We have made it through the day with the babies still intact. The nurse just left after confirming that both Rachel and Isaac's hearts are beating strong at 149. Sonia finally seems to be relaxing a bit. Rachel's water broke on March 1 and tomorrow will be a new month. I am truly thankful for these blessings.
I look back to the many times Sonia has told me how God has closed every door except the right one in her life at each critical proverbial fork in the road. I can't help but think that God has been doing that in this case during this past month.
Thank you as always for your prayers. Thanks also to the many folks who have posted and emailed their prayers and best wishes. They have been special, moving and so encouraging to all of us.
God bless,
Jong
Friday, March 31, 2006
Seeing Rachel's Little Hand
Hi folks,
Thursday has come and gone and, praise the Lord, we're still at the hospital.
So, yesterday, Sonia and I were praying for some sign, something to let us know that God was here at Aiiku with us and that He had everything under control.
Well, first, we are still here.
Second, I had an amazing experience this morning. During Sonia's exam this morning, I asked (sort of insisted) on seeing Rachel's hand for myself. Apparently, this is a completely irregular and unheard of request on the part of a husband.
Anyway, a few moments later, for the very first time, I saw my little daughters left hand. It was moving and was much bigger than I had been led to believe.
In an instant, God lifted all of my fears and worries away. Suddenly, all I could think about was what a miracle Rachel is and that God allowing me actually seeing her hand while she was in Sonia's womb, was as clear a sign from God that the entire process is under His auto pilot.
While I still have moments of emotional collapse, my heart feels fundamentally changed. I am not worried about "if" Rachel will survive. All I can think about is peace of mind in the absolute fact that God's will will be done. While I feel like we've completely surrendered to Him, I am grateful to Him that this has not resulted in my giving up hope at all. Nay, I think the opposite has happened. As soon as I totally surrendered after seeing my daughter's hand, I knew she was in the right hands.
I know it is so much harder for my dear dear Sonia as she feels Rachel all of the time now moving in and out of her womb. But I know deep in her heart that she too has received the Lord's peace and that the Holy Spirit and the angels filling our room are beside her 24/7.
God bless you.
Jong
Thursday has come and gone and, praise the Lord, we're still at the hospital.
So, yesterday, Sonia and I were praying for some sign, something to let us know that God was here at Aiiku with us and that He had everything under control.
Well, first, we are still here.
Second, I had an amazing experience this morning. During Sonia's exam this morning, I asked (sort of insisted) on seeing Rachel's hand for myself. Apparently, this is a completely irregular and unheard of request on the part of a husband.
Anyway, a few moments later, for the very first time, I saw my little daughters left hand. It was moving and was much bigger than I had been led to believe.
In an instant, God lifted all of my fears and worries away. Suddenly, all I could think about was what a miracle Rachel is and that God allowing me actually seeing her hand while she was in Sonia's womb, was as clear a sign from God that the entire process is under His auto pilot.
While I still have moments of emotional collapse, my heart feels fundamentally changed. I am not worried about "if" Rachel will survive. All I can think about is peace of mind in the absolute fact that God's will will be done. While I feel like we've completely surrendered to Him, I am grateful to Him that this has not resulted in my giving up hope at all. Nay, I think the opposite has happened. As soon as I totally surrendered after seeing my daughter's hand, I knew she was in the right hands.
I know it is so much harder for my dear dear Sonia as she feels Rachel all of the time now moving in and out of her womb. But I know deep in her heart that she too has received the Lord's peace and that the Holy Spirit and the angels filling our room are beside her 24/7.
God bless you.
Jong
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Little Rachel's At It Again
Hi Everyone,
We hope all of you are well.
It's been another one of those days. Today's exam revealed that Rachel's hand had come out some more. In fact, Sonia felt that the doctor didn't have to go very far at all before touching it.
Apparently the doctor actually nudged the hand back in a bit. We'll see how Rachel reacts to that new sensation!
We saw Dr. Sakamoto today and it looks like there isn't much else we can do at this point from his perspective. Sonia and I are at least glad that the other doctor did what we felt was the common sense thing to do (to try and push the arm / hand back into Sonia's cervix). Thanks, Dr. Kawana!
I really hate to say this but I think our doctors are giving up a little bit. With the increased chance of infection, they aren't inclined to test Sonia's blood more frequently for increased bacteria count (the results of which come back in a day) which means an infection could have over a one week head start before they try to treat it with a stronger IV antibiotic. They also said that even if there was no infection, they were not inclined to give Sonia mangesium sulfate to stop or slow the contractions which might give the babies a few more days.
I've been scrambling looking for and trying to contact a few places in the U.S. that are supposedly good at this sort of thing but between fear of malpractice (consults over the phone are apparently a no no) and the fact that Sonia isn't there for them to examine, we've had little luck.
So, looking back, I have to admit that Sonia and I found it pretty darn hard to stay upbeat today. I think this month has been a very very long month for both of us. That being said, I think that perhaps God wants us exactly where we are now. Sonia and I don't really have the strength to keep up a stiff upper chin which means we are ready to completely surrender to Him. The tough part of course is surrendering to Him but not just giving up entirely.
One thing happened that I would view as a hopeful sign. Late this afternoon Sonia lost a meaningful amount of water after going a few days with almost no leaking. We hope and don't think Isaac's bag is leaking. We are of the opinion that He answered our prayers and somehow some fluid was able to accumulate for Rachel between her contortions and arm serving as sort of a plug. With the new hand extension and perhaps Dr. Kawana's loving nudge of Rachels hand back into the cervix, Rachel may have moved just enough for the water to release. We are praying that the water reaccumulates and that the prior accumulation was able to help Rachel at least a little.
On top of that, while a hand outside of the cervix is definitely not a good thing, Sonia now feels little Rachel sort of tickling her from inside. As it has been so difficult for Rachel to move and for Sonia to feel her up until she started kicking yesterday, the ticking is a sweet and gentle reminder that our wonderful and brave little girl is still trying as best as she can.
On a lighter note, I want to let everyone know how proud I am of my patriotic little Sonia. I had purchased a few cases of mineral water the other day to keep her hydrated. Proving that I'm more a cheapskate than a patriot, I actually bought FRENCH evian type water because it was a pretty good deal. Prior to that we were using AMERICAN and Japanese bottled water. As soon as we made the switch, Sonia's mom started noticing that Sonia wasn't drinking as much. Today, Sonia's mom secretly starting giving her some AMERICAN water instead and like magic, she was backing to drinking lots and lots! That's my girl!!! Ah, the red neck in me rears its ugly head yet again.
God bless,
Jong
We hope all of you are well.
It's been another one of those days. Today's exam revealed that Rachel's hand had come out some more. In fact, Sonia felt that the doctor didn't have to go very far at all before touching it.
Apparently the doctor actually nudged the hand back in a bit. We'll see how Rachel reacts to that new sensation!
We saw Dr. Sakamoto today and it looks like there isn't much else we can do at this point from his perspective. Sonia and I are at least glad that the other doctor did what we felt was the common sense thing to do (to try and push the arm / hand back into Sonia's cervix). Thanks, Dr. Kawana!
I really hate to say this but I think our doctors are giving up a little bit. With the increased chance of infection, they aren't inclined to test Sonia's blood more frequently for increased bacteria count (the results of which come back in a day) which means an infection could have over a one week head start before they try to treat it with a stronger IV antibiotic. They also said that even if there was no infection, they were not inclined to give Sonia mangesium sulfate to stop or slow the contractions which might give the babies a few more days.
I've been scrambling looking for and trying to contact a few places in the U.S. that are supposedly good at this sort of thing but between fear of malpractice (consults over the phone are apparently a no no) and the fact that Sonia isn't there for them to examine, we've had little luck.
So, looking back, I have to admit that Sonia and I found it pretty darn hard to stay upbeat today. I think this month has been a very very long month for both of us. That being said, I think that perhaps God wants us exactly where we are now. Sonia and I don't really have the strength to keep up a stiff upper chin which means we are ready to completely surrender to Him. The tough part of course is surrendering to Him but not just giving up entirely.
One thing happened that I would view as a hopeful sign. Late this afternoon Sonia lost a meaningful amount of water after going a few days with almost no leaking. We hope and don't think Isaac's bag is leaking. We are of the opinion that He answered our prayers and somehow some fluid was able to accumulate for Rachel between her contortions and arm serving as sort of a plug. With the new hand extension and perhaps Dr. Kawana's loving nudge of Rachels hand back into the cervix, Rachel may have moved just enough for the water to release. We are praying that the water reaccumulates and that the prior accumulation was able to help Rachel at least a little.
On top of that, while a hand outside of the cervix is definitely not a good thing, Sonia now feels little Rachel sort of tickling her from inside. As it has been so difficult for Rachel to move and for Sonia to feel her up until she started kicking yesterday, the ticking is a sweet and gentle reminder that our wonderful and brave little girl is still trying as best as she can.
On a lighter note, I want to let everyone know how proud I am of my patriotic little Sonia. I had purchased a few cases of mineral water the other day to keep her hydrated. Proving that I'm more a cheapskate than a patriot, I actually bought FRENCH evian type water because it was a pretty good deal. Prior to that we were using AMERICAN and Japanese bottled water. As soon as we made the switch, Sonia's mom started noticing that Sonia wasn't drinking as much. Today, Sonia's mom secretly starting giving her some AMERICAN water instead and like magic, she was backing to drinking lots and lots! That's my girl!!! Ah, the red neck in me rears its ugly head yet again.
God bless,
Jong
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
22 weeks
Hi everyone,
I just wanted to add a few things after Jong's post regarding Rachel and Isaac reaching 22 weeks.
In Japan, Rachel and Isaac are now technicaly considered viable so if we lose them, they would be stilborn instead of a miscarriage. Its not a big milestone but still a milestone.
During this morning's check-up/daily washing, Rachel's hand was still visible outside my cervix. The attending doctor actually said he saw her fingers moving.
As Jong mentioned, the concern now is, apart from her hand and arm opening my cervix more, her hand, being outside of my cervix, can act as a conduit for infection. It seems like the outlook medically is slowly worsening but I decided that there is really absolutely nothing I can do at this point but to trust in our Lord. Jong called another doctor last night for another opinion and it seems like the doctors are doing the most they can do right now and we just have to try to last as long as possible.
Every time we get comfortable and think that things are stabilizing and we can relax a bit, something happens to remind us that we cannot take anything for granted and we have to trust in God. He is certainly keeping us on our toes!
Our Lord did give me a nice blessing today. I thought I felt Rachel kick yesterday but I am always not very sure as Rachel occupies a very small space and Isaac is right on top of her and he moves around quite a bit and kicks all the time. Well, this afternoon, when the nurse was using the doppler to check her heartbeat, she kicked out at the doppler and even the nurse felt it! And she kicked twice! Isn't our daughter brave and strong, she has no room to move, one arm is stuck in my cervix and she can still kick to let her mama know she is alive and well!!
So I thank the Lord for getting us through almost 8 pm on our 22nd week so far and pray that He will protect Rachel, Isaac and I for the rest of tonight.
Blessings,
Sonia
I just wanted to add a few things after Jong's post regarding Rachel and Isaac reaching 22 weeks.
In Japan, Rachel and Isaac are now technicaly considered viable so if we lose them, they would be stilborn instead of a miscarriage. Its not a big milestone but still a milestone.
During this morning's check-up/daily washing, Rachel's hand was still visible outside my cervix. The attending doctor actually said he saw her fingers moving.
As Jong mentioned, the concern now is, apart from her hand and arm opening my cervix more, her hand, being outside of my cervix, can act as a conduit for infection. It seems like the outlook medically is slowly worsening but I decided that there is really absolutely nothing I can do at this point but to trust in our Lord. Jong called another doctor last night for another opinion and it seems like the doctors are doing the most they can do right now and we just have to try to last as long as possible.
Every time we get comfortable and think that things are stabilizing and we can relax a bit, something happens to remind us that we cannot take anything for granted and we have to trust in God. He is certainly keeping us on our toes!
Our Lord did give me a nice blessing today. I thought I felt Rachel kick yesterday but I am always not very sure as Rachel occupies a very small space and Isaac is right on top of her and he moves around quite a bit and kicks all the time. Well, this afternoon, when the nurse was using the doppler to check her heartbeat, she kicked out at the doppler and even the nurse felt it! And she kicked twice! Isn't our daughter brave and strong, she has no room to move, one arm is stuck in my cervix and she can still kick to let her mama know she is alive and well!!
So I thank the Lord for getting us through almost 8 pm on our 22nd week so far and pray that He will protect Rachel, Isaac and I for the rest of tonight.
Blessings,
Sonia
Hi Everyone,
It's 10am Tuesday, March 28 and Isaac and Rachel are now 22 weeks old. Thank you Lord. There were moments last night when I wasn't sure we'd be able see this day together. It doesn't look like Dr. Sakamoto will be able to make it to the hospital today but I'm almost glad because it is clear to us anyway that He's the one who has gotten us this far and that He's the only one who can take us all the way if that is His will.
I don't know if everyone knows but I'm sort of a red neck and therefore a big country music fan and I played the song, "Jesus Take the Wheel", for Sonia the other week as I thought the lyrics were really touching. We play pretty often (Sonia is a closet country music aficionado as well). You may have heard it as it is currently very popular. In any event, here are the lyrics:
I hope you guys don't mind, but we'll probably post the lyrics to a couple of other songs that we have really enjoyed this past month.
Thanks again for your prayers and support.
Blessings,
Jong
It's 10am Tuesday, March 28 and Isaac and Rachel are now 22 weeks old. Thank you Lord. There were moments last night when I wasn't sure we'd be able see this day together. It doesn't look like Dr. Sakamoto will be able to make it to the hospital today but I'm almost glad because it is clear to us anyway that He's the one who has gotten us this far and that He's the only one who can take us all the way if that is His will.
I don't know if everyone knows but I'm sort of a red neck and therefore a big country music fan and I played the song, "Jesus Take the Wheel", for Sonia the other week as I thought the lyrics were really touching. We play pretty often (Sonia is a closet country music aficionado as well). You may have heard it as it is currently very popular. In any event, here are the lyrics:
She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh
I hope you guys don't mind, but we'll probably post the lyrics to a couple of other songs that we have really enjoyed this past month.
Thanks again for your prayers and support.
Blessings,
Jong
Monday, March 27, 2006
A tough day
Dear Friends and Loved Ones,
I hope this note finds you well. It's 1:20 am Tuesday morning, and I just got off the phone with a doctor in the U.S. about Rachel and Isaac. It's been a tough day.
This morning, during Sonia's daily examination, the attending doctor discovered that little Rachel's hand was now outside of Sonia's cervix. Unfortunately, what this means is that her hand is exposed to all of the bacteria outside of the womb and that the arm may act like a conduit making it easier for bacteria to find their way into the womb.
Sonia has been amazingly strong and calm and trusting in the Lord today - almost as if the Lord told her what to expect ahead of time - while I have to admit that the news has shaken me. Sonia had a check-up on Saturday and everything looked pretty stable. In fact, there was even the contemplation of sending Sonia home for a split second. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything else today.
We did have a wonderful visit from Pastor Dennis, his wife Judy and TBC's church secretary, Shizuka Kaneko. We shared a bit of today's news and prayed together.
This last day before week 22 continued to test us. Sonia's tummy has been a bit tender today and she has started to feel what may be some light contractions. We're praying so hard right now that they contractions go away or at least don't get more serious. At the same time, we're trying our best to prepare ourselves in case things get worse quickly.
I was on the phone trying to speak with a perinatologist in the U.S. who might be able to provide a second opinion on what we could do but I didn't have much luck. I guess I'll try again tomorrow. There seems to be no standard approach to Sonia's condition. In fact, it turns out that doctors in Canada, UK and Australia may be more aggressive than the doctors in the U.S. in these cases.
In any event, it looks like we actually have made it (technically) week 22. We couldn't have dreamt that we would make it so far four weeks ago and we'll keep doing our best to be thankful and hopeful that He will deliver us.
God has continued to give us one day's worth of hope at a time and I think Sonia and I still need to fully accept that He is in control. With each passing day our hopes grow but something tells me that this isn't what He wants for us so perhaps he's still trying to teach us to simply trust Him, period.
God bless,
Jong
I hope this note finds you well. It's 1:20 am Tuesday morning, and I just got off the phone with a doctor in the U.S. about Rachel and Isaac. It's been a tough day.
This morning, during Sonia's daily examination, the attending doctor discovered that little Rachel's hand was now outside of Sonia's cervix. Unfortunately, what this means is that her hand is exposed to all of the bacteria outside of the womb and that the arm may act like a conduit making it easier for bacteria to find their way into the womb.
Sonia has been amazingly strong and calm and trusting in the Lord today - almost as if the Lord told her what to expect ahead of time - while I have to admit that the news has shaken me. Sonia had a check-up on Saturday and everything looked pretty stable. In fact, there was even the contemplation of sending Sonia home for a split second. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything else today.
We did have a wonderful visit from Pastor Dennis, his wife Judy and TBC's church secretary, Shizuka Kaneko. We shared a bit of today's news and prayed together.
This last day before week 22 continued to test us. Sonia's tummy has been a bit tender today and she has started to feel what may be some light contractions. We're praying so hard right now that they contractions go away or at least don't get more serious. At the same time, we're trying our best to prepare ourselves in case things get worse quickly.
I was on the phone trying to speak with a perinatologist in the U.S. who might be able to provide a second opinion on what we could do but I didn't have much luck. I guess I'll try again tomorrow. There seems to be no standard approach to Sonia's condition. In fact, it turns out that doctors in Canada, UK and Australia may be more aggressive than the doctors in the U.S. in these cases.
In any event, it looks like we actually have made it (technically) week 22. We couldn't have dreamt that we would make it so far four weeks ago and we'll keep doing our best to be thankful and hopeful that He will deliver us.
God has continued to give us one day's worth of hope at a time and I think Sonia and I still need to fully accept that He is in control. With each passing day our hopes grow but something tells me that this isn't what He wants for us so perhaps he's still trying to teach us to simply trust Him, period.
God bless,
Jong
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Happy Tears at Church and the "M" Word
Hello Everyone,
We hope and pray that He has blessed you today.
I made it to Tokyo Baptist today and I am so glad that I did.
It turns out that all of the services today were conducted by TBC's youth ministry - the sermons, music, offering, etc... and they did such an excellent job! I left truly inspired by their energy and passion for Christ.
Pastor Chris, TBC's Youth Ministry Pastor, gave a wonderful and timely sermon today about the certainty of our salvation, the omnipresence of God, Jesus and the holy spirit and how we simply holds ourselves back. His message, entitled the "Tupperware Sermon" basically explained how completely transformative our acceptance of Christ's salvation is. Using tupperware of various sizes (one inside the other), he made the point that by our nature and our surroundings, Sin is both inside us and surrounds us. By accepting Christ as our personal savior, we are fundamentally changed - not in terms of our hair or habits or idiosyncracies but fundamentally.
The two most powerful points for me were the following:
1) With Christ within us and us in him, we are Holy now even if our flesh is imperfect. We must reject Satan's constant and insidious whispers into our ears that 100% of our sins have not been forgiven, that the deal is irrevocably sealed and that His glory is always trying to shine through us if we simply let him. Like the perfect father with perfect love, patience and wisdom, he never leaves us and bends over backward to help us find His way again every time we get lost.
So what? To me and oddly enough this was sort of a call to arms and made more real the notion that each of us is a Holy man or woman, not just the pastors, and that each is a temple of God not for us to do as we please. Doesn't this change everything? If we are Holy and are temples now, how could I consider or tolerate or consider, some of the things that I do? Satan's ability to introduce self doubt about the certainty of His presence can so often cause us to "let things slide."
2) While I'm not sure if this was meant to be a point of the sermon, the whole tupperware metaphor reminded me that God undeniably created in us a void that simply has to be filled with something - if not the true God then other gods like money, hate, lust, etc... The point again is that the human spirit yearns for Christ to fill that void, almost like a round peg for a round hole. When we try and deny this, we still try and fill it but with other pegs that just don't fit right.
Today's service was really special because of all of kids. They did a fantastic job praising the Lord and I was so moved. Unfortunately, everytime I focused on a boy or girl, I could only dream that someday Isaac and Rachel could be up there shouting and singing for joy. The truth is that our little miracles are already causing people to shout for joy and that whether on earth or in heaven, Isaac and Rachel will continue to bring glory to Him. While the service was a tearful one for me and while I had my moments of possessiveness and weakness, in the end, I found myself crying and smiling at the same time.
While I wasn't able to give Pastor Dennis a hug, I did get a chance to speak and do so with Judi, Pastors Takeshi, Joel, and Ted and Judy Oman (at Monsoon!). Pastor Dennis and his team are such a special group of believers and have been such a great blessing to us, we thank Him daily for them and TBC. Please continue to pray for them and TBC as we try to rise to God's great vision for Japan as his latest triumph.
Finally, as Sonia mentioned in her blog, our Dr. Sakamoto used the "M" word yesterday. For a moment, Sonia and I were speechless. Please continue to pray for God to guide his hands and judgement as we travel down this uncharted course together.
Thank you Jesus from the bottom of our hearts and thank you for your prayers.
In Him,
Jong
We hope and pray that He has blessed you today.
I made it to Tokyo Baptist today and I am so glad that I did.
It turns out that all of the services today were conducted by TBC's youth ministry - the sermons, music, offering, etc... and they did such an excellent job! I left truly inspired by their energy and passion for Christ.
Pastor Chris, TBC's Youth Ministry Pastor, gave a wonderful and timely sermon today about the certainty of our salvation, the omnipresence of God, Jesus and the holy spirit and how we simply holds ourselves back. His message, entitled the "Tupperware Sermon" basically explained how completely transformative our acceptance of Christ's salvation is. Using tupperware of various sizes (one inside the other), he made the point that by our nature and our surroundings, Sin is both inside us and surrounds us. By accepting Christ as our personal savior, we are fundamentally changed - not in terms of our hair or habits or idiosyncracies but fundamentally.
The two most powerful points for me were the following:
1) With Christ within us and us in him, we are Holy now even if our flesh is imperfect. We must reject Satan's constant and insidious whispers into our ears that 100% of our sins have not been forgiven, that the deal is irrevocably sealed and that His glory is always trying to shine through us if we simply let him. Like the perfect father with perfect love, patience and wisdom, he never leaves us and bends over backward to help us find His way again every time we get lost.
So what? To me and oddly enough this was sort of a call to arms and made more real the notion that each of us is a Holy man or woman, not just the pastors, and that each is a temple of God not for us to do as we please. Doesn't this change everything? If we are Holy and are temples now, how could I consider or tolerate or consider, some of the things that I do? Satan's ability to introduce self doubt about the certainty of His presence can so often cause us to "let things slide."
2) While I'm not sure if this was meant to be a point of the sermon, the whole tupperware metaphor reminded me that God undeniably created in us a void that simply has to be filled with something - if not the true God then other gods like money, hate, lust, etc... The point again is that the human spirit yearns for Christ to fill that void, almost like a round peg for a round hole. When we try and deny this, we still try and fill it but with other pegs that just don't fit right.
Today's service was really special because of all of kids. They did a fantastic job praising the Lord and I was so moved. Unfortunately, everytime I focused on a boy or girl, I could only dream that someday Isaac and Rachel could be up there shouting and singing for joy. The truth is that our little miracles are already causing people to shout for joy and that whether on earth or in heaven, Isaac and Rachel will continue to bring glory to Him. While the service was a tearful one for me and while I had my moments of possessiveness and weakness, in the end, I found myself crying and smiling at the same time.
While I wasn't able to give Pastor Dennis a hug, I did get a chance to speak and do so with Judi, Pastors Takeshi, Joel, and Ted and Judy Oman (at Monsoon!). Pastor Dennis and his team are such a special group of believers and have been such a great blessing to us, we thank Him daily for them and TBC. Please continue to pray for them and TBC as we try to rise to God's great vision for Japan as his latest triumph.
Finally, as Sonia mentioned in her blog, our Dr. Sakamoto used the "M" word yesterday. For a moment, Sonia and I were speechless. Please continue to pray for God to guide his hands and judgement as we travel down this uncharted course together.
Thank you Jesus from the bottom of our hearts and thank you for your prayers.
In Him,
Jong
Newest Ultrasound and 4th Sunday
We had our latest ultrasound with Dr. Sakamoto yesterday, Saturday, as he is away from Tokyo with his family today. Isaac continues to do well, still 1.5 weeks ahead in growth. He was moving around a lot during the ultrasound and I can feel him kick all the time. Rachel is still the same. Unfortunately, even though before each ultrasound I pray and hope so hard that we can see some reaccumulation of fluids for her, there was none. In fact, we can't even see her sac as she is probably completely wrapped tight by it. She continues to be a week behind in growth but her heartbeat continues to be strong. After the ultrasound, Dr. S sat back and actually said this really is a miracle -- for Rachel to be able to survive this long in this condition and for me not to have contractions, infection or other complications so far.
We still have much longer to go than the time we have already spent here at the hospital. On Tuesday, we would have been in the hospital for 4 weeks - but we need at least 6 more weeks just to get to 28 weeks (which Dr. S said we need just for Isaac to be born without him having too much long term health problems). Sometimes, when I think ahead about how much longer we have to go on like this, it really scares me. But as Jong is always reminding me, I have to take it one day at a time and at the most one week at a time. Plus I need to be constantly thanking God for what He has given us already. Just being pregnant with our precious twins was God's answer to our prayers. We have struggled for so long to just get pregnant and prayed so hard. And He answered our prayers and gave us more than we asked for - twins. He has given us so much extra time so that I can start feeling Isaac kick (I was not yet able to feel him kick when I first got admitted to the hospital; I can't really feel Rachel kick as she really can't move around) and more importantly, all this time to show Jong and I how to trust in Him and to surrender to Him daily, all this time for us to grow so much closer as a family and to pray together as a family, all this extra time for us to love our Rachel and Isaac more and more each day ...
Our Lord reminded me of the verses in Philippians this morning: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7
Sometimes I just want to go down on my knees and just beg and beg God for Him to just give us our babies. Especially for Rachel - we have not seen any improvement in her conditions and I really need so much faith to not despair for her. But the verses reminded me that when I pray, I need to do it with thanksgiving. So I thank the Lord with all my heart for already having given me my heart's desire - I have always longed for a little girl - and He has given me a little girl, and not just any little girl, He has given us the bravest, strongest, sweetest and most loving little girl we could have ever asked for. Her tenacity to hang on despite her conditions amazes me and I have to believe she is doing this for her brother Isaac.
In all this, Jong and I have really, really felt God's love, grace, mercy and faithfulness to us. Not just because He has shown us so much love through all our friends and loved ones who continue to pray so hard for us and our babies, including many sisters and brothers I have never even met in person. But He has shown us His great love for us by showing us, every day, how to be better children of His and how to better serve Him. We now know with an absolute conviction that He has great plans for this family, regardless of the outcome of our current struggles, and is preparing us so that we can fulfill His great plans and we are truly humbled.
We thank you from our heart for all your continued prayers for this little family. We continue to pray that our Lord will bless each of you richly with every blessing.
Sonia
We still have much longer to go than the time we have already spent here at the hospital. On Tuesday, we would have been in the hospital for 4 weeks - but we need at least 6 more weeks just to get to 28 weeks (which Dr. S said we need just for Isaac to be born without him having too much long term health problems). Sometimes, when I think ahead about how much longer we have to go on like this, it really scares me. But as Jong is always reminding me, I have to take it one day at a time and at the most one week at a time. Plus I need to be constantly thanking God for what He has given us already. Just being pregnant with our precious twins was God's answer to our prayers. We have struggled for so long to just get pregnant and prayed so hard. And He answered our prayers and gave us more than we asked for - twins. He has given us so much extra time so that I can start feeling Isaac kick (I was not yet able to feel him kick when I first got admitted to the hospital; I can't really feel Rachel kick as she really can't move around) and more importantly, all this time to show Jong and I how to trust in Him and to surrender to Him daily, all this time for us to grow so much closer as a family and to pray together as a family, all this extra time for us to love our Rachel and Isaac more and more each day ...
Our Lord reminded me of the verses in Philippians this morning: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7
Sometimes I just want to go down on my knees and just beg and beg God for Him to just give us our babies. Especially for Rachel - we have not seen any improvement in her conditions and I really need so much faith to not despair for her. But the verses reminded me that when I pray, I need to do it with thanksgiving. So I thank the Lord with all my heart for already having given me my heart's desire - I have always longed for a little girl - and He has given me a little girl, and not just any little girl, He has given us the bravest, strongest, sweetest and most loving little girl we could have ever asked for. Her tenacity to hang on despite her conditions amazes me and I have to believe she is doing this for her brother Isaac.
In all this, Jong and I have really, really felt God's love, grace, mercy and faithfulness to us. Not just because He has shown us so much love through all our friends and loved ones who continue to pray so hard for us and our babies, including many sisters and brothers I have never even met in person. But He has shown us His great love for us by showing us, every day, how to be better children of His and how to better serve Him. We now know with an absolute conviction that He has great plans for this family, regardless of the outcome of our current struggles, and is preparing us so that we can fulfill His great plans and we are truly humbled.
We thank you from our heart for all your continued prayers for this little family. We continue to pray that our Lord will bless each of you richly with every blessing.
Sonia
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Dear Friends and Loved Ones,
Just a quick note today. Sonia, Rachel and Isaac continue to put their faith in the Lord on a daily basis and He has contined to generously give us one morning after another with the twins.
I was just writing this thought to my brother's Pastor in an email reply and it struck me just how amazing God is. While we aren't the only ones who can be characterized by the following, Sonia and I certainly were taking almost everything He gave us for granted. Despite all of the talk, church going, "good deeds" and prayers, it is stunning just how far down the road I was looking in my "master plan" simply assuming that God would continue to bless us with no questions asked. I can't speak for Sonia and I do think that she never takes as much for granted as I do and she has always placed more value on our marriage, family and relationship with God but suffice it to say that neither one of us were truly lifting everything up to Him, especially when things were good.
Looking back at how this happened just as we were getting confident enough about Sonia's pregnancy that we started actively shopping for strollers, cribs, a bigger apartment, I can't help but think how much God must have been disappointed with us again that we were taking this latest and most precious gift for granted.
It has been over three weeks now and we find ourselves in a situation where we literally pray for one more day at a time and humbly thank him for each and every day we have not only Rachel and Isaac but each other, our health, our families and our wonderful friends and brothers and sisters in Christ. While I would give anything to have had a different reason for this change of pace and prioritization, it is amazing how much closer Sonia and I feel to Him and how much more in sync we feel with His plan and His lead. I can certainly say that our daily recital of the Lord's prayer has taken on a whole new meaning and substance.
Thank you all again for your continued support and prayers. I know God is working his miracles through our brothers and sisters and we pray daily that God continues to bless each of your lives.
Blessings,
Jong
P.S. I just had a great conversation with one of my best friends, Mark, who is not a believer. And believe it or not, he's agreed to actually "pray" for Rachel, Isaac and Sonia. It is literally the first time I've ever heard him even say the word in a personal context during our 10+ year relationship. It's a tiny tiny victory, but I'll take it. He's not given up on you dear brother.
Just a quick note today. Sonia, Rachel and Isaac continue to put their faith in the Lord on a daily basis and He has contined to generously give us one morning after another with the twins.
I was just writing this thought to my brother's Pastor in an email reply and it struck me just how amazing God is. While we aren't the only ones who can be characterized by the following, Sonia and I certainly were taking almost everything He gave us for granted. Despite all of the talk, church going, "good deeds" and prayers, it is stunning just how far down the road I was looking in my "master plan" simply assuming that God would continue to bless us with no questions asked. I can't speak for Sonia and I do think that she never takes as much for granted as I do and she has always placed more value on our marriage, family and relationship with God but suffice it to say that neither one of us were truly lifting everything up to Him, especially when things were good.
Looking back at how this happened just as we were getting confident enough about Sonia's pregnancy that we started actively shopping for strollers, cribs, a bigger apartment, I can't help but think how much God must have been disappointed with us again that we were taking this latest and most precious gift for granted.
It has been over three weeks now and we find ourselves in a situation where we literally pray for one more day at a time and humbly thank him for each and every day we have not only Rachel and Isaac but each other, our health, our families and our wonderful friends and brothers and sisters in Christ. While I would give anything to have had a different reason for this change of pace and prioritization, it is amazing how much closer Sonia and I feel to Him and how much more in sync we feel with His plan and His lead. I can certainly say that our daily recital of the Lord's prayer has taken on a whole new meaning and substance.
Thank you all again for your continued support and prayers. I know God is working his miracles through our brothers and sisters and we pray daily that God continues to bless each of your lives.
Blessings,
Jong
P.S. I just had a great conversation with one of my best friends, Mark, who is not a believer. And believe it or not, he's agreed to actually "pray" for Rachel, Isaac and Sonia. It is literally the first time I've ever heard him even say the word in a personal context during our 10+ year relationship. It's a tiny tiny victory, but I'll take it. He's not given up on you dear brother.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
21 Weeks Yesterday
Dear Friends and Loved Ones,
God bless you on this bright sunny Tokyo morning.
Rachel and Isaac celebrated their 21st week yesterday. As we have been trying to take this journey one day at a time, it is hard to comprehend that we've been living at Aiiku Hospital for 3 weeks already. (There are some telltale signs. Almost all of the security guards seem to recognize me so I don't have to embarrass myself by trying to explain that I'm a "guesto" at the hospital versus a "bisita"). As no one here thought that Rachel and Isaac would make it even this far, Sonia and I continue to praise God and look to him to deliver them to us many weeks from now.
While they are still in-utero, it has been such a great blessing being able to pray with and for them these past few weeks. In so many ways, they have really brought Sonia and me as well as our extended family so much closer together. Sonia and I have noticed that our prayers have become more sincere, meaningful and conversational. While I'm sure it seems silly, I try to pray as close to the babies as possible as I think they can hear now. It is truly amazing how God is using Rachel and Isaac to glorify His name and for that we are grateful and humbled.
As Sonia mentioned in our last blog, Isaac looks like he's doing ok and benefitting from the home cooked meals that Sonia's mom and dad have been preparing for Sonia to supplement what appears to be a relatively low calorie - high fiber diet that the hospital provides (the fiber I understand as staying regular is tough for pregnant women supposedly but the lower calorie thing seems to confirm that the Japanese medical establishment likes to have smaller babies at birth). In any event, while Sonia's tummy is struggling to keep up which is harder on Rachel, we're hoping that the extra calories Sonia is consuming will help the babies grow as fast as possible as we are almost literally in a race against eventual infection or contraction.
Based on the latest ultrasound, Isaac could actually be over a pound which is wonderful news. I know that we are many many weeks away from being able to talk about a relatively normal birth for Isaac but at 500 grams, Isaac could be near 23 weeks in development which would be a minor miracle.
Rachel continues to fall a little behind unfortunately. She's about a week behind now but I think the bigger concern is that she really has no space and with both growing she'll find it more and more difficult without amniotic fluid.
----
We just came back from another cleaning that turned into an examination (Dr. Sakamoto instructed folks not to do any more digital exams but this lady doctor apparently dances to her own beat). If what she says is correct, it appears that Rachel has descended a bit more into the cervix which poses a pretty big problem.
Is God is trying to see if these three weeks have really meant something to us? I can only imagine how many promises and prayers He receives from desparate people ("jailhouse conversions") that last about one minute longer than the crisis. These past couple of days, I fear that Sonia and I have started to hope a little more and perhaps get ahead of ourselves. More importantly, I think we've gotten a little more possessive about Isaac and Rachel increasingly imagining actually sharing a life with them on earth. Both are mistakes and I pray that God's gentle reminder is just that and not an indication of something worse. If it is this hard to truly lift up to Him babies that had no chance of survival three weeks ago, how hard must it have been and how much faith must Abraham have had to place his beloved son on the altar? We pray that all of this isn't temporary and that Isaac and Rachel are making a permanent and positive change in our relationship with God.
Thank you again for all of your prayers and support. I am sure that this battle would have been over already without His army surrounding us.
We continue to pray and hope for His mercy for Rachel and Isaac and forgiveness and grace for Sonia and Me.
Blessings,
Jong
God bless you on this bright sunny Tokyo morning.
Rachel and Isaac celebrated their 21st week yesterday. As we have been trying to take this journey one day at a time, it is hard to comprehend that we've been living at Aiiku Hospital for 3 weeks already. (There are some telltale signs. Almost all of the security guards seem to recognize me so I don't have to embarrass myself by trying to explain that I'm a "guesto" at the hospital versus a "bisita"). As no one here thought that Rachel and Isaac would make it even this far, Sonia and I continue to praise God and look to him to deliver them to us many weeks from now.
While they are still in-utero, it has been such a great blessing being able to pray with and for them these past few weeks. In so many ways, they have really brought Sonia and me as well as our extended family so much closer together. Sonia and I have noticed that our prayers have become more sincere, meaningful and conversational. While I'm sure it seems silly, I try to pray as close to the babies as possible as I think they can hear now. It is truly amazing how God is using Rachel and Isaac to glorify His name and for that we are grateful and humbled.
As Sonia mentioned in our last blog, Isaac looks like he's doing ok and benefitting from the home cooked meals that Sonia's mom and dad have been preparing for Sonia to supplement what appears to be a relatively low calorie - high fiber diet that the hospital provides (the fiber I understand as staying regular is tough for pregnant women supposedly but the lower calorie thing seems to confirm that the Japanese medical establishment likes to have smaller babies at birth). In any event, while Sonia's tummy is struggling to keep up which is harder on Rachel, we're hoping that the extra calories Sonia is consuming will help the babies grow as fast as possible as we are almost literally in a race against eventual infection or contraction.
Based on the latest ultrasound, Isaac could actually be over a pound which is wonderful news. I know that we are many many weeks away from being able to talk about a relatively normal birth for Isaac but at 500 grams, Isaac could be near 23 weeks in development which would be a minor miracle.
Rachel continues to fall a little behind unfortunately. She's about a week behind now but I think the bigger concern is that she really has no space and with both growing she'll find it more and more difficult without amniotic fluid.
----
We just came back from another cleaning that turned into an examination (Dr. Sakamoto instructed folks not to do any more digital exams but this lady doctor apparently dances to her own beat). If what she says is correct, it appears that Rachel has descended a bit more into the cervix which poses a pretty big problem.
Is God is trying to see if these three weeks have really meant something to us? I can only imagine how many promises and prayers He receives from desparate people ("jailhouse conversions") that last about one minute longer than the crisis. These past couple of days, I fear that Sonia and I have started to hope a little more and perhaps get ahead of ourselves. More importantly, I think we've gotten a little more possessive about Isaac and Rachel increasingly imagining actually sharing a life with them on earth. Both are mistakes and I pray that God's gentle reminder is just that and not an indication of something worse. If it is this hard to truly lift up to Him babies that had no chance of survival three weeks ago, how hard must it have been and how much faith must Abraham have had to place his beloved son on the altar? We pray that all of this isn't temporary and that Isaac and Rachel are making a permanent and positive change in our relationship with God.
Thank you again for all of your prayers and support. I am sure that this battle would have been over already without His army surrounding us.
We continue to pray and hope for His mercy for Rachel and Isaac and forgiveness and grace for Sonia and Me.
Blessings,
Jong
Sunday, March 19, 2006
3rd Sunday in the Hospital
Wow. This is our 3rd Sunday in the hospital. Only 2 more days till we get to 21 weeks. Things have been pretty stable. The only problem I have is it seems like I get lightheaded and short of breath in the morning. Yesterday, morning I almost blacked out after going ot the bathroom but luckily Jong was with me and got me back to bed just in time. We saw Dr. Sakamoto today and he said sometimes a pregnant woman's blood pressure could be low and since I lie down most of the time, when I get back, all the blood may rush from my head to my womb so I just need to get up more slowly.
Anyway, we had our weekly detailed ultrasound appt with Dr. S this morning. Isaac is still doing well measuring a week ahead. His estimated weight was 508 grams so he is officially over 1 lb! Dr. S noticed that there may be some water retaining beneath his skin though so please pray for that. The blood flow to his heart and his brains were both normal.
Rachel still has no fluid around her and we didn't see her move at all during the session. We couldn't measure her weight because she is all curled up and crunched up but her head is measuing 19w5d so she is about a week behind. The good news is the blood flow to her brains was measuring normal. Today was the first time Dr. S mentioned what would happen if both of them make it to 30 weeks or so (still in the context of a miracle). He mentioned that Rachel will probably have deformities because of the position she is in and she has no room to move. Since Jong and I have done quite a bit of reading on the internet on PPROM (Preterm Premature Rupture of Membrane) babies, this was not a surprise to us. I just thought it was great that Dr. S actually talked about the possibility of Rachel being born alive and staying alive and we will keep praying for lots of miracles for our brave little girl.
Every morning, I pray for the Holy Spirit not just to fill me but to fill my womb and Rachel and Isaac and especially for the Holy Spirit to surround Rachel and provide her with the space to move and the water to breathe in. Although we can't see it happening on ultrasound, I know the Holy Spirit is talking to our babies and telling them how much Jesus and her parents (and lots of other people) love them. Actually, a couple of days ago, I don't know how Rachel did it but I am pretty sure I felt her kick or punch. It was pretty low and right next to where the nurse usually finds her heatbeat with the doppler so I don't think it could be Isaac. I was very encouraged that I could feel her. I pray that I can continue to feel her more and more.
Another development is that my blood and baterial test results came back and I am all clear -no bacteria present. So they are going to take me off of the antibiotic IV drip and switch me to oral antibiotics tomorrow (Monday). Oral anitbiotics are going to be a lot less potent so my risk of infection will be higher, however, if I stay on the antibiotic IV drip, than I will start developing resistance to the antibiotics and if an infection does hit, it would be much more dangerous. So please pray that I will not get any infection after switching to oral antibiotics. The good news is I won't have an IV drip anymore so I will have more arms back (though my typing skills will still not be 100% as I still have to type lying flat on one side)!!!
Tuesday will be 21 weeks for our babies. It turns out that the official viability demarcation line is 22 weeks in Japan (I think its 24 weeks in the U.S.?). Anyway, it might be a small distinction for some but since I consider them my babies since a long time ago and not just fetuses, I think I will be very happy if I reach 22 weeks without incident so that they can be officially "viable" babies from our doctor's perspective. I am still aiming for 32 weeks for Rachel's sake.
Its been a real blessing to have my parents here. Jong and my parents have been taking such good care of me. Sometimes I feel sad that they have to do so much for me (and probably frustrated too as I feel so helpless) but these are really precious times I am getting with my babies, Jong and my parents and I am really thankful to God for that.
One day at a time. I have to keep reminding myself not to get ahead of myself and start planning the rest of my life. I gotta trust God and take everything one day at a time. Thank you Lord for giving us another precious, precious day.
Sonia
Anyway, we had our weekly detailed ultrasound appt with Dr. S this morning. Isaac is still doing well measuring a week ahead. His estimated weight was 508 grams so he is officially over 1 lb! Dr. S noticed that there may be some water retaining beneath his skin though so please pray for that. The blood flow to his heart and his brains were both normal.
Rachel still has no fluid around her and we didn't see her move at all during the session. We couldn't measure her weight because she is all curled up and crunched up but her head is measuing 19w5d so she is about a week behind. The good news is the blood flow to her brains was measuring normal. Today was the first time Dr. S mentioned what would happen if both of them make it to 30 weeks or so (still in the context of a miracle). He mentioned that Rachel will probably have deformities because of the position she is in and she has no room to move. Since Jong and I have done quite a bit of reading on the internet on PPROM (Preterm Premature Rupture of Membrane) babies, this was not a surprise to us. I just thought it was great that Dr. S actually talked about the possibility of Rachel being born alive and staying alive and we will keep praying for lots of miracles for our brave little girl.
Every morning, I pray for the Holy Spirit not just to fill me but to fill my womb and Rachel and Isaac and especially for the Holy Spirit to surround Rachel and provide her with the space to move and the water to breathe in. Although we can't see it happening on ultrasound, I know the Holy Spirit is talking to our babies and telling them how much Jesus and her parents (and lots of other people) love them. Actually, a couple of days ago, I don't know how Rachel did it but I am pretty sure I felt her kick or punch. It was pretty low and right next to where the nurse usually finds her heatbeat with the doppler so I don't think it could be Isaac. I was very encouraged that I could feel her. I pray that I can continue to feel her more and more.
Another development is that my blood and baterial test results came back and I am all clear -no bacteria present. So they are going to take me off of the antibiotic IV drip and switch me to oral antibiotics tomorrow (Monday). Oral anitbiotics are going to be a lot less potent so my risk of infection will be higher, however, if I stay on the antibiotic IV drip, than I will start developing resistance to the antibiotics and if an infection does hit, it would be much more dangerous. So please pray that I will not get any infection after switching to oral antibiotics. The good news is I won't have an IV drip anymore so I will have more arms back (though my typing skills will still not be 100% as I still have to type lying flat on one side)!!!
Tuesday will be 21 weeks for our babies. It turns out that the official viability demarcation line is 22 weeks in Japan (I think its 24 weeks in the U.S.?). Anyway, it might be a small distinction for some but since I consider them my babies since a long time ago and not just fetuses, I think I will be very happy if I reach 22 weeks without incident so that they can be officially "viable" babies from our doctor's perspective. I am still aiming for 32 weeks for Rachel's sake.
Its been a real blessing to have my parents here. Jong and my parents have been taking such good care of me. Sometimes I feel sad that they have to do so much for me (and probably frustrated too as I feel so helpless) but these are really precious times I am getting with my babies, Jong and my parents and I am really thankful to God for that.
One day at a time. I have to keep reminding myself not to get ahead of myself and start planning the rest of my life. I gotta trust God and take everything one day at a time. Thank you Lord for giving us another precious, precious day.
Sonia
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Dear Friends and Loved Ones,
This is Jong filling in for Sonia.
It has been a couple of days since our last post and we wanted to provide everyone with a brief update (I apologize in advance as I fear most of you don't share the same sense of brevity as I).
First, thank you for your heartfelt prayers and efforts. They truly mean so much to us, Rachel and Isaac. As we begin to more frequently feel Isaac and even sometimes Rachel move and kick, we know that both babies are awash in your love and His merciful glow.
Sonia and the twins are hanging in there. The situation hasn't changed much these past couple of days which is a blessing in and of itself. In fact, Dr. Sakamoto shared some relatively encouraging news for us (sort of). Dr. Sakamoto told us today that he had NEVER had a premature membrane rupture (PROM) that has lasted this long. It seems that it is exceptionally rate for doctors to permit PROMs to last this long (they almost insist on induced labor / abortion) so we are so very appreciative of Dr. Sakamoto's willingness to work with us. More importantly, Sonia and I certainly believe that God is definitely working a miracle for our family by getting us this far.
We continue to hope and pray that Rachel and Isaac's unwillingness to give up will encourage Dr. Sakamoto further consider how we can try to save both babies if we are blessed enough to be able to carry the pregnancy for another several weeks (again, he has been nothing but supportive to the extent his professional training permits). As we are now collectively in uncharted waters, we also pray for God's wisdom to guide his hands and decision-making. We fully believe that God has blessed us with Dr. Sakamoto.
Other than that, things have been relatively quiet (another blessing). Sonia has started to bleed again a little bit but Dr. Sakamoto thinks that it is due to Rachel moving her arm around in Sonia's cervix as the bleeding is relatively light. They also took another blood sample and bacteria culture from Sonia to see if there are any further signs of infection. If there aren't, they should be able to stop the IV antibiotics and switch to a milder oral form which should help Sonia's mobility quite a bit (n.b. between Sonia's IV and her tiny veins - which forces the doctors to find a new one every day or two - she's actually starting to run out - it is hard to for Sonia to eat, clean or move about at all given how gentle she has to be for the twins). Better mobility should also mean she can spend more time off of her feet (faster showers, check-ups, restroom breaks, etc...).
Sonia and I have been a little worried because the other doctors kept doing internal digital and ultrasound exams of Sonia and her cervix which is associated with much higher rates of infection in the U.S. and Europe. Fortunately, Dr. Sakamoto mentioned a similar concern so they have stopped for now.
Sonia's father, who has been here for about a week, has been a real blessing. He's been a great addition to our prayer circle and is making Sonia (and me) wonderful lunches and helping with the household chores. I've been trying to fast again but he has been making such large portions of tasty chinese food that I find it hard to fight my instincts against wasting food. Sonia's mother arrives tomorrow as well (which will deal another blow to my fasting efforts I fear). We praise Him so much these days for allowing the babies to hang in there for Sonia's mom.
Thank you again so much for your prayers.
As for me, I've tried to get back to work but it has been difficult and things are starting to pile up unfortunately. That being said, I gladly accept this trade-off and am sensing this is yet another message from Him that I need to slow down and take some things off my plate. I need to have more faith that He will provide for my family even if I narrow the number of projects I am pursuing.
While this has been a challenging but truly blessed time for our family, we feel humbled and perhaps selfish for absorbing so much time and effort from everyone. While normal time has bascially stopped for our family, we know that Sonia is not the first mother to be to face the prospect of losing babies mid term and that He is very busy working miracles in the lives of many many others.
In this spirit, we would appreciate your prayers for a few other dear brothers and sisters who are in their own emotional and spiritual walks with Him. Our Pastor Joel lost his father, Jose, a few days ago after a three week struggle with a serious stroke. Jose suffered his stroke around the same time that Rachel and Isaac starting having difficulties and we therefore share a unique spiritual bond and appreciation for the gift of life and His majesty. I would also ask that folks pray for our church, Tokyo Baptist Church, and our Pastor Dennis. TBC continues to be blessed with a great and almost overwhelming challenge to reach more and more souls here in a country where less than 1% of the population knows Christ (I don't want to delve too much into this but this has been a time of great challenge and inspiration to the church and its pastoral leadership) yet with all that He has placed on their plate, the entire TBC family has taken much time and effort to provide a source of strength and encouragement for us. Sonia also has a good friend in Hong Kong whose father is seriously ill with a brain tumor. This dear sister has already lost her mother to cancer and our hearts and prayers go out to her. Finally, we also want to thank Sonia's sisters from www.hannahsprayer.org (an online ministry for sisters in Christ trying to conceive) for their steadfast support. Their own experiences and prayers have been a special source of blessing and strength for us and we hope that we can keep each of their unique situations and prayer requests in our thoughts and prayers.
To our TBC family and our loved ones, friends and praying brothers and sisters in Christ, we are sincerely grateful. Sonia and I pray every day for His grace and blessings to delivered unto each of you.
In Him,
Jong
This is Jong filling in for Sonia.
It has been a couple of days since our last post and we wanted to provide everyone with a brief update (I apologize in advance as I fear most of you don't share the same sense of brevity as I).
First, thank you for your heartfelt prayers and efforts. They truly mean so much to us, Rachel and Isaac. As we begin to more frequently feel Isaac and even sometimes Rachel move and kick, we know that both babies are awash in your love and His merciful glow.
Sonia and the twins are hanging in there. The situation hasn't changed much these past couple of days which is a blessing in and of itself. In fact, Dr. Sakamoto shared some relatively encouraging news for us (sort of). Dr. Sakamoto told us today that he had NEVER had a premature membrane rupture (PROM) that has lasted this long. It seems that it is exceptionally rate for doctors to permit PROMs to last this long (they almost insist on induced labor / abortion) so we are so very appreciative of Dr. Sakamoto's willingness to work with us. More importantly, Sonia and I certainly believe that God is definitely working a miracle for our family by getting us this far.
We continue to hope and pray that Rachel and Isaac's unwillingness to give up will encourage Dr. Sakamoto further consider how we can try to save both babies if we are blessed enough to be able to carry the pregnancy for another several weeks (again, he has been nothing but supportive to the extent his professional training permits). As we are now collectively in uncharted waters, we also pray for God's wisdom to guide his hands and decision-making. We fully believe that God has blessed us with Dr. Sakamoto.
Other than that, things have been relatively quiet (another blessing). Sonia has started to bleed again a little bit but Dr. Sakamoto thinks that it is due to Rachel moving her arm around in Sonia's cervix as the bleeding is relatively light. They also took another blood sample and bacteria culture from Sonia to see if there are any further signs of infection. If there aren't, they should be able to stop the IV antibiotics and switch to a milder oral form which should help Sonia's mobility quite a bit (n.b. between Sonia's IV and her tiny veins - which forces the doctors to find a new one every day or two - she's actually starting to run out - it is hard to for Sonia to eat, clean or move about at all given how gentle she has to be for the twins). Better mobility should also mean she can spend more time off of her feet (faster showers, check-ups, restroom breaks, etc...).
Sonia and I have been a little worried because the other doctors kept doing internal digital and ultrasound exams of Sonia and her cervix which is associated with much higher rates of infection in the U.S. and Europe. Fortunately, Dr. Sakamoto mentioned a similar concern so they have stopped for now.
Sonia's father, who has been here for about a week, has been a real blessing. He's been a great addition to our prayer circle and is making Sonia (and me) wonderful lunches and helping with the household chores. I've been trying to fast again but he has been making such large portions of tasty chinese food that I find it hard to fight my instincts against wasting food. Sonia's mother arrives tomorrow as well (which will deal another blow to my fasting efforts I fear). We praise Him so much these days for allowing the babies to hang in there for Sonia's mom.
Thank you again so much for your prayers.
As for me, I've tried to get back to work but it has been difficult and things are starting to pile up unfortunately. That being said, I gladly accept this trade-off and am sensing this is yet another message from Him that I need to slow down and take some things off my plate. I need to have more faith that He will provide for my family even if I narrow the number of projects I am pursuing.
While this has been a challenging but truly blessed time for our family, we feel humbled and perhaps selfish for absorbing so much time and effort from everyone. While normal time has bascially stopped for our family, we know that Sonia is not the first mother to be to face the prospect of losing babies mid term and that He is very busy working miracles in the lives of many many others.
In this spirit, we would appreciate your prayers for a few other dear brothers and sisters who are in their own emotional and spiritual walks with Him. Our Pastor Joel lost his father, Jose, a few days ago after a three week struggle with a serious stroke. Jose suffered his stroke around the same time that Rachel and Isaac starting having difficulties and we therefore share a unique spiritual bond and appreciation for the gift of life and His majesty. I would also ask that folks pray for our church, Tokyo Baptist Church, and our Pastor Dennis. TBC continues to be blessed with a great and almost overwhelming challenge to reach more and more souls here in a country where less than 1% of the population knows Christ (I don't want to delve too much into this but this has been a time of great challenge and inspiration to the church and its pastoral leadership) yet with all that He has placed on their plate, the entire TBC family has taken much time and effort to provide a source of strength and encouragement for us. Sonia also has a good friend in Hong Kong whose father is seriously ill with a brain tumor. This dear sister has already lost her mother to cancer and our hearts and prayers go out to her. Finally, we also want to thank Sonia's sisters from www.hannahsprayer.org (an online ministry for sisters in Christ trying to conceive) for their steadfast support. Their own experiences and prayers have been a special source of blessing and strength for us and we hope that we can keep each of their unique situations and prayer requests in our thoughts and prayers.
To our TBC family and our loved ones, friends and praying brothers and sisters in Christ, we are sincerely grateful. Sonia and I pray every day for His grace and blessings to delivered unto each of you.
In Him,
Jong
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
20 Weeks!!!
We made it to 20 weeks today! I woke up this morning and sang "Happy 20 weeks to you guys, Happy 20 weeks to you guys, Happy 20 weeks to Rachel and Isaac, Happy 20 weeks to to you guys" to Rachel and Isaac.
But then I started thinking - "its only been 2 weeks!!??!!" How is Rachel going to make it for at least 8 more weeks? And 8 more weeks only really gives Isaac a chance. For Rachel to make it, I think we need her to hang on in there for much longer since she is already falling behind in her growth rate and her lungs will be a lot less developed. I guess that is why I have to try to stick to taking it one day at a time. Thinking too far ahead can get scary. I also hope (and suspect) Rachel is much stronger than her mommy and daddy!
Things are pretty much the same and my condition is stable. I do wish I could see some improvement in Rachel's conditions but there doesn't seem to be much accumulation of water. Its hard to not see any improvements for her. We also have a hard time communicating with the hospital doctors because of the language barrier and we seem to hear a different story from each different doctor - yesterday, the doctor said only 1 cm of Rachel's elbow was in my cervix (her arm was supposed to be bent I guess) and today a different doctor said part of her arm IS still in my cervix so I am just confused. We don't get to see Dr. Sakamto every day and when we do, he doesn't like us to focus too much on Rachel. I guess we really, really need to trust the Lord with Rachel and be patient while waiting for Him to do His work-- much easier said than done. But we are trying our best to.
Good news is I am starting to really feel Isaac. At first I wasn't really sure it was him or just my tummy acting up but now its clear its him. Jong said he also felt small taps from Rachel when we were praying last night and his hands were on my tummy. Don't know if those light taps were really hers but would be really great if they were - it would mean that she can move a little! Both Jong and my dad also said my belly has grown bigger. I am trying to eat as much as I can as I know Rachel and Isaac have much less time than other babies to grow inside me.
I am starting to get sick of hospital food - so its a really good thing that my dad is here as he is bringing good home cooked Chinese food to supplement my meals. Also, the food the hospital serves seem very low in calories and seem more appropriate for someone who is sick than a basically healthy woman on bedrest trying to grow 2 babies inside her as fast as she can.
Anyway, we are still hanging on in there. Please keep praying for Rachel and Isaac.
Blessings,
Sonia
But then I started thinking - "its only been 2 weeks!!??!!" How is Rachel going to make it for at least 8 more weeks? And 8 more weeks only really gives Isaac a chance. For Rachel to make it, I think we need her to hang on in there for much longer since she is already falling behind in her growth rate and her lungs will be a lot less developed. I guess that is why I have to try to stick to taking it one day at a time. Thinking too far ahead can get scary. I also hope (and suspect) Rachel is much stronger than her mommy and daddy!
Things are pretty much the same and my condition is stable. I do wish I could see some improvement in Rachel's conditions but there doesn't seem to be much accumulation of water. Its hard to not see any improvements for her. We also have a hard time communicating with the hospital doctors because of the language barrier and we seem to hear a different story from each different doctor - yesterday, the doctor said only 1 cm of Rachel's elbow was in my cervix (her arm was supposed to be bent I guess) and today a different doctor said part of her arm IS still in my cervix so I am just confused. We don't get to see Dr. Sakamto every day and when we do, he doesn't like us to focus too much on Rachel. I guess we really, really need to trust the Lord with Rachel and be patient while waiting for Him to do His work-- much easier said than done. But we are trying our best to.
Good news is I am starting to really feel Isaac. At first I wasn't really sure it was him or just my tummy acting up but now its clear its him. Jong said he also felt small taps from Rachel when we were praying last night and his hands were on my tummy. Don't know if those light taps were really hers but would be really great if they were - it would mean that she can move a little! Both Jong and my dad also said my belly has grown bigger. I am trying to eat as much as I can as I know Rachel and Isaac have much less time than other babies to grow inside me.
I am starting to get sick of hospital food - so its a really good thing that my dad is here as he is bringing good home cooked Chinese food to supplement my meals. Also, the food the hospital serves seem very low in calories and seem more appropriate for someone who is sick than a basically healthy woman on bedrest trying to grow 2 babies inside her as fast as she can.
Anyway, we are still hanging on in there. Please keep praying for Rachel and Isaac.
Blessings,
Sonia
Sunday, March 12, 2006
I have my right arm and wrist back!!
At least for now. I woke up this morning and my right forearm was numb and swollen. It turned out that my IV wasn't working anymore so they had to change it again. Perhaps because it is the Lord's Day today, our Lord was merciful and Dr. Sakamoto happened to be here because another patient of his was in labor so he changed my IV and he got it with the first try and it was probably the most painless IV change so far.
This is our second Sunday in the hospital. The sec0nd extra Sunday that we didn't think we would have with Rachel and Isaac after Rachel lost all the water in her sac. We praise and thank God for that.
Ever since I have been here at the hospital, it seems like every morning when I wake up, the Lord will put a song or hymn in my head. This morning was the traditional hymn "Holy, Holy, Holy" -
Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty!
Early in the morning our song shall rise to thee.
Holy, holy, holy! Merciful and mighty,
God in three persons, blessed Trinity!
Yesterday was a bit tough for Jong and I - not because something bad happened but actually because it was a very quiet uneventful day. It was kind of like a "hangover" day as we have finished a pretty traumatic week and a half with lots of ups and downs. I guess it was easy for Satan to sneak in and put all these "if only" and "what if" thoughts in my head. I also got a bit scared. I have never ran a marathon or do anything similar. I tend to wimp out easily. If things go the way we hope, it will be a long wait. I was scared that I didn't have the mental strength to do this. So last night, Jong and I spent most of our time talking together and praying. Somehow, by the end of the night, I know I can do this. And I have so much help. Not just from God and all the prayers. Jong spends so much time with me here and my dad arrived in Tokyo on Thursday night and keeps me company during the day. My mom is arriving next Friday and will be doing the same. I don't think I have had that much time to spend with either of my parents since a very long time ago - another blessing from God.
We had a more thorough appt with Dr. Sakamoto this morning. It was a bit of a sobering appt. Things are still going well for Isaac. His blood flow seemed normal and he is still about 1.5 weeks ahead in growth. But Rachel is now falling more behind - she is now one week behind average. She also still hasn't accumulated any fluids. Dr. S doesn't even want to discuss or check Rachel that much as I think he doesn't want to give us false hopes or grow too attached. Because from his medical perspective, there is basically no chance for Rachel. With respect to Isaac, he said that he still wasn't optimistic but that he thinks there is a shot. This is the most optomistic we have heard him discuss Isaac. He really thinks we need to make it till at least 28 weeks though.
I know every extra day we have is a miracle but for Rachel to be born and stay alive we would need a completely amazing miracle. Its really hard for me to imagine Rachel not making it as I always imagine Rachel and Isaac together. One nurse commented that they must be really good friends as their heartbeats always seem to match each others. Our love for her and Isaac continues to grow each day we have with them. Surrendering to God in my head is a lot easier than surrendering in my heart. I need to keep hoping for a miracle for Rachel and Isaac without hiding behind my hopes - I mean, I need to face the very real possibility that one or both might not make it while praying for a miracle for them. It is very hard.
One a brigher note, I also want to share something that happened on Friday night. I was playing Amy Grant's "If I can only Imagine" on my laptop in the evening when the nurse came in to put antiobiotics medication into my IV. She started looking at my laptop very strangely and then said that she has the CD. I was very surprised and said, its Amy Grant, its Christian music. And she said she knows and she became a Christian 2 years ago. She said only 1% of Japan's population is Christian and she was so excited to find out that I am a Christian. The weird thing is just earlier in the night, I complained to Jong about her as I thought she wasn't as nice as the other nurses. God spoke so clearly to me that night -- that I should not be so critical and judgmental of other people and that He has placed the right doctors and nurses to take care of our babies and I should be thankful.
Sorry this entry is a bit disjointed. I wrote small bits at a time through out the day. Jong is going to be away for most of the day tomorrow so I am praying for another very uneventful day so that Jong doesn't have to worry while he is away.
God bless,
Sonia
This is our second Sunday in the hospital. The sec0nd extra Sunday that we didn't think we would have with Rachel and Isaac after Rachel lost all the water in her sac. We praise and thank God for that.
Ever since I have been here at the hospital, it seems like every morning when I wake up, the Lord will put a song or hymn in my head. This morning was the traditional hymn "Holy, Holy, Holy" -
Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty!
Early in the morning our song shall rise to thee.
Holy, holy, holy! Merciful and mighty,
God in three persons, blessed Trinity!
Yesterday was a bit tough for Jong and I - not because something bad happened but actually because it was a very quiet uneventful day. It was kind of like a "hangover" day as we have finished a pretty traumatic week and a half with lots of ups and downs. I guess it was easy for Satan to sneak in and put all these "if only" and "what if" thoughts in my head. I also got a bit scared. I have never ran a marathon or do anything similar. I tend to wimp out easily. If things go the way we hope, it will be a long wait. I was scared that I didn't have the mental strength to do this. So last night, Jong and I spent most of our time talking together and praying. Somehow, by the end of the night, I know I can do this. And I have so much help. Not just from God and all the prayers. Jong spends so much time with me here and my dad arrived in Tokyo on Thursday night and keeps me company during the day. My mom is arriving next Friday and will be doing the same. I don't think I have had that much time to spend with either of my parents since a very long time ago - another blessing from God.
We had a more thorough appt with Dr. Sakamoto this morning. It was a bit of a sobering appt. Things are still going well for Isaac. His blood flow seemed normal and he is still about 1.5 weeks ahead in growth. But Rachel is now falling more behind - she is now one week behind average. She also still hasn't accumulated any fluids. Dr. S doesn't even want to discuss or check Rachel that much as I think he doesn't want to give us false hopes or grow too attached. Because from his medical perspective, there is basically no chance for Rachel. With respect to Isaac, he said that he still wasn't optimistic but that he thinks there is a shot. This is the most optomistic we have heard him discuss Isaac. He really thinks we need to make it till at least 28 weeks though.
I know every extra day we have is a miracle but for Rachel to be born and stay alive we would need a completely amazing miracle. Its really hard for me to imagine Rachel not making it as I always imagine Rachel and Isaac together. One nurse commented that they must be really good friends as their heartbeats always seem to match each others. Our love for her and Isaac continues to grow each day we have with them. Surrendering to God in my head is a lot easier than surrendering in my heart. I need to keep hoping for a miracle for Rachel and Isaac without hiding behind my hopes - I mean, I need to face the very real possibility that one or both might not make it while praying for a miracle for them. It is very hard.
One a brigher note, I also want to share something that happened on Friday night. I was playing Amy Grant's "If I can only Imagine" on my laptop in the evening when the nurse came in to put antiobiotics medication into my IV. She started looking at my laptop very strangely and then said that she has the CD. I was very surprised and said, its Amy Grant, its Christian music. And she said she knows and she became a Christian 2 years ago. She said only 1% of Japan's population is Christian and she was so excited to find out that I am a Christian. The weird thing is just earlier in the night, I complained to Jong about her as I thought she wasn't as nice as the other nurses. God spoke so clearly to me that night -- that I should not be so critical and judgmental of other people and that He has placed the right doctors and nurses to take care of our babies and I should be thankful.
Sorry this entry is a bit disjointed. I wrote small bits at a time through out the day. Jong is going to be away for most of the day tomorrow so I am praying for another very uneventful day so that Jong doesn't have to worry while he is away.
God bless,
Sonia
Friday, March 10, 2006
Tiny update
They changed my iv to my right inner wrist which rendered my right hand completely useless and i am rt handed. i am typing this update only using my left hand lying on my left side so this should be interesting.
we havent spoken with dr. s yet but thats prob a good sign bc im sure he would have spoken to us if things are serious.
hospital drs dont seem too concerned. my bleeding has slowed down. had another cervical u/s during daily check up and washing today. it appears rachels entire arm was jammed into my inner cervix so hosp dr said it was possible her arm caused the bleeding.
i seem to feel a little better after they changed the antibiotics. i guess the weariness and achiness i thought was a result of bedrest was actually from my body fighting the infection.
both rachels and isaacs heartbeats were good as of this afternoon. i had a scare last night - the nurse couldnt find rachels heartbeat with the doppler. she then pulled in a hosp dr who found her heartbeat on the u/s.
i feel peaceful today. it is good to surrender everything to God.
each iv location doesnt last for more than 2 days for me bc of my tiny veins so may be i will get my right arm and hand back in a couple of days.
blessings,
sonia
we havent spoken with dr. s yet but thats prob a good sign bc im sure he would have spoken to us if things are serious.
hospital drs dont seem too concerned. my bleeding has slowed down. had another cervical u/s during daily check up and washing today. it appears rachels entire arm was jammed into my inner cervix so hosp dr said it was possible her arm caused the bleeding.
i seem to feel a little better after they changed the antibiotics. i guess the weariness and achiness i thought was a result of bedrest was actually from my body fighting the infection.
both rachels and isaacs heartbeats were good as of this afternoon. i had a scare last night - the nurse couldnt find rachels heartbeat with the doppler. she then pulled in a hosp dr who found her heartbeat on the u/s.
i feel peaceful today. it is good to surrender everything to God.
each iv location doesnt last for more than 2 days for me bc of my tiny veins so may be i will get my right arm and hand back in a couple of days.
blessings,
sonia
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Dear Friends and Loved Ones,
It looks like we again need to ask for your focused prayers as we just discovered some unfortunate news.
Sonia just came back from her daily checkup and washing to find that she is bleeding a little and that her cervix has reopened. On top of that, her test results finally came back (the delay in getting test results back is our only reservation about this hospital) and her test showed positive for some sort of pneumonia bug that is resistant to the type of antibiotic she has been taking. Due to the delay in getting her results back (they took the sample on Monday), there has been a precious delay in changing her medication to another more effecitve antibiotic.
The good news is that there are still no significant signs of contractions.
Please pray that He, through the doctors and directly, can reverse this problem. Specifically, I am praying that it is the infection that is prompting the reopening and bleeding so that if the new antibiotics are effective, the bleeding will stop and Sonia's cervix will close again.
Thank you again for your prayers and support.
Blessings,
Jong
It looks like we again need to ask for your focused prayers as we just discovered some unfortunate news.
Sonia just came back from her daily checkup and washing to find that she is bleeding a little and that her cervix has reopened. On top of that, her test results finally came back (the delay in getting test results back is our only reservation about this hospital) and her test showed positive for some sort of pneumonia bug that is resistant to the type of antibiotic she has been taking. Due to the delay in getting her results back (they took the sample on Monday), there has been a precious delay in changing her medication to another more effecitve antibiotic.
The good news is that there are still no significant signs of contractions.
Please pray that He, through the doctors and directly, can reverse this problem. Specifically, I am praying that it is the infection that is prompting the reopening and bleeding so that if the new antibiotics are effective, the bleeding will stop and Sonia's cervix will close again.
Thank you again for your prayers and support.
Blessings,
Jong
How to surrender our babies to God without giving up hope
I woke up this morning and realized that I might be holding on to our babies too tightly.
I sooooooo want both of them to make it. I don't just want Isaac to make it, I really, really want both Rachel and Isaac to make it. Jong keeps reminding me that I need to be thankful for each extra day God gave us to spend with them since we didn't think we would still be with them at this point last week. And believe me, I am very, very thankful - not just for the extra time I have with them but also for the amazing outpouring of prayers and love we have received from so many people. But I want so bad for them to make it, to play with them, read stories to them and giggle with them.
But I also know that I NEED to surrender them to our Lord. That if He wants them back in Heaven soon, I need to give them back to Him willingly and wholeheartedly. I know I HAVE to come out of this, regardless of the outcome, with a completely changed heart and soul. That I can't just "do" Christian things part of the day but I have to live and breathe a Christ like life. That I need to completely give my life over to God - not just say that I will or say that I will try my best but to actually do it for real this time. If not, our babies struggles will be all for nothing.
It is so hard to surrender our babies to the Lord without despairing. It is so hard to hope for miracles for our babies without holding onto them too tightly. As Jong said, Rachel and Isaac are God's babies, not ours.
I need to be right with God for our babies' sakes. So that is my struggle today. I need to surrender.
I sooooooo want both of them to make it. I don't just want Isaac to make it, I really, really want both Rachel and Isaac to make it. Jong keeps reminding me that I need to be thankful for each extra day God gave us to spend with them since we didn't think we would still be with them at this point last week. And believe me, I am very, very thankful - not just for the extra time I have with them but also for the amazing outpouring of prayers and love we have received from so many people. But I want so bad for them to make it, to play with them, read stories to them and giggle with them.
But I also know that I NEED to surrender them to our Lord. That if He wants them back in Heaven soon, I need to give them back to Him willingly and wholeheartedly. I know I HAVE to come out of this, regardless of the outcome, with a completely changed heart and soul. That I can't just "do" Christian things part of the day but I have to live and breathe a Christ like life. That I need to completely give my life over to God - not just say that I will or say that I will try my best but to actually do it for real this time. If not, our babies struggles will be all for nothing.
It is so hard to surrender our babies to the Lord without despairing. It is so hard to hope for miracles for our babies without holding onto them too tightly. As Jong said, Rachel and Isaac are God's babies, not ours.
I need to be right with God for our babies' sakes. So that is my struggle today. I need to surrender.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Extra blessings today
Another day is almost over - another extra day God gave Jong and I to spend with our precious Rachel and Isaac.
Our Lord also blessed us with extra blessings today. We had another ultrasound today, which came as a surprise as we didn't expect getting another one till at least Sunday. We just love every chance we get to see our babies. The ultrasound was conducted by Dr. Kawana - Aiiku's onsite OB-GYN but Dr. Sakamoto also stopped by this evening after spending hours delivering someone else's twins naturally to discuss the results with me.
The good news is my cervix is still looks closed and Dr. S actually talked about it as if he expected it to stay closed for a while so that is very good news. Especially since they will probably stop my anti-biotic IV in a day or two (once they confirm that the bacterial culture they took a few days ago is negative) so anything that can lower the risk for infection would be great. Its best that they stop the anti-biotic IV so that I don't develop a resistance to it. They will however, switch me to a different type of oral anti-biotic, which I believe is weaker than the IV so we will be praying that the babies' and my immunity stay strong and that we are able to fight off all germs.
Our Isaac looked "really good" according to Dr. S - he is measuring a week and a half ahead of schedule and he was dancing around the entire time during the ultrasound. In fact, he was moving around again when we did the heartbeat check just a few minutes ago. I sometimes wonder if he ever goes to sleep. He really is his daddy's son - big belly, big head (literally not figuratively, hehe) and going, going, going...
It was a lot more difficult to see our poor darling Rachel. She still has little or no liquid around her so she is completely crunched up - as one friend described it, like she was "shrink wrapped". Its heart breaking to see her like that but her heart is still beating strong. And we did see her move just a tiny little bit. However, probably because of all the compression, her growth is starting to fall behind - she is about 2 days behind schedule now. Dr. S still appears to think there is basically no chance for her but does believe she is trying really hard to save her brother. We are, however, definitely going to continue to pray for a miracle for her - I am drinking a LOT of fluids and praying that somehow some of it will fill up the spaces around her even though her membrane is still ruptured. Oh and of course I am still praying that her membrane will miraculously heal.
Another different blessing - we got into what should be our final room and hope to stay here for the next few months. When we moved from the ICU room to a private room, they didn't have a private room that would allow a husband to stay - they still let Jong stayed but Jong has to move a lot of things around to fit in a dinky roll away bed every night before going to bed. The bigger room finally opened up today and its a lot better - with a sofa bed for Jong. I guess we will see whether it may be a bit more comfortable for him. Also, I have been getting really sore on my hips as I have to lie on my sides most of the time on the really hard hospital bed. So we ordered a NASA memory mattress pad and it arrived today. And it is SOOOO much better!
Sorry for rambling on. I guess that's what happens when you put a usually active working woman on bed rest. ^_^
In any case, as Jong keeps reminding me, we are very thankful for each day we get to spend with Rachel and Isaac as a family. We are also very thankful each time we get to hear their healthy heartbeats.
We are so thankful for all your prayers and thoughts. Please do keep praying. We will be praying for all of you as well. May our Lord bless each of you with His overflowing grace and love.
With much love in Christ,
Sonia
Our Lord also blessed us with extra blessings today. We had another ultrasound today, which came as a surprise as we didn't expect getting another one till at least Sunday. We just love every chance we get to see our babies. The ultrasound was conducted by Dr. Kawana - Aiiku's onsite OB-GYN but Dr. Sakamoto also stopped by this evening after spending hours delivering someone else's twins naturally to discuss the results with me.
The good news is my cervix is still looks closed and Dr. S actually talked about it as if he expected it to stay closed for a while so that is very good news. Especially since they will probably stop my anti-biotic IV in a day or two (once they confirm that the bacterial culture they took a few days ago is negative) so anything that can lower the risk for infection would be great. Its best that they stop the anti-biotic IV so that I don't develop a resistance to it. They will however, switch me to a different type of oral anti-biotic, which I believe is weaker than the IV so we will be praying that the babies' and my immunity stay strong and that we are able to fight off all germs.
Our Isaac looked "really good" according to Dr. S - he is measuring a week and a half ahead of schedule and he was dancing around the entire time during the ultrasound. In fact, he was moving around again when we did the heartbeat check just a few minutes ago. I sometimes wonder if he ever goes to sleep. He really is his daddy's son - big belly, big head (literally not figuratively, hehe) and going, going, going...
It was a lot more difficult to see our poor darling Rachel. She still has little or no liquid around her so she is completely crunched up - as one friend described it, like she was "shrink wrapped". Its heart breaking to see her like that but her heart is still beating strong. And we did see her move just a tiny little bit. However, probably because of all the compression, her growth is starting to fall behind - she is about 2 days behind schedule now. Dr. S still appears to think there is basically no chance for her but does believe she is trying really hard to save her brother. We are, however, definitely going to continue to pray for a miracle for her - I am drinking a LOT of fluids and praying that somehow some of it will fill up the spaces around her even though her membrane is still ruptured. Oh and of course I am still praying that her membrane will miraculously heal.
Another different blessing - we got into what should be our final room and hope to stay here for the next few months. When we moved from the ICU room to a private room, they didn't have a private room that would allow a husband to stay - they still let Jong stayed but Jong has to move a lot of things around to fit in a dinky roll away bed every night before going to bed. The bigger room finally opened up today and its a lot better - with a sofa bed for Jong. I guess we will see whether it may be a bit more comfortable for him. Also, I have been getting really sore on my hips as I have to lie on my sides most of the time on the really hard hospital bed. So we ordered a NASA memory mattress pad and it arrived today. And it is SOOOO much better!
Sorry for rambling on. I guess that's what happens when you put a usually active working woman on bed rest. ^_^
In any case, as Jong keeps reminding me, we are very thankful for each day we get to spend with Rachel and Isaac as a family. We are also very thankful each time we get to hear their healthy heartbeats.
We are so thankful for all your prayers and thoughts. Please do keep praying. We will be praying for all of you as well. May our Lord bless each of you with His overflowing grace and love.
With much love in Christ,
Sonia
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Rachel and Isaac Made it to 19 Weeks!
Dear friends and loved ones,
Today, Rachel and Isaac officially became 19 weeks old. Last Wednesday when Rachel's water broke, we had all but given up the thought of being together even this far.
Both Rachel and Isaac are still hanging in there. Their heartbeats are around 150 beats per minute. Isaac seems to be pretty oblivious to everything as he is doing somersaults in Sonia's tummy, making finding his heartbeat quite challening. Must take after dad, big belly and all. We just pray that he continues to grow as quickly and aggressively as possible. Rachel. Well, what more can we say about her. She is still being our brave little girl. Without fluid, she hasn't been able to move much at all since last Wednesday but she is still alive and possibly kicking (literally).
Sonia's appetite seems to be holding up although she is really sensitive to temperature fluctuations especially those caused by even the most modest physical or mental exertion on her part.
Tomorrow will be our next big step. In order to avoid potential resistance issues, Dr. Sakamoto is planning on discontinuing Sonia's IV antibiotic regimen. The good news is that she won't have an IV drip in her arms (she has very small veins apparently and finding, hitting and keeping an IV drip in her has been a challenge in and of itself for the hospital staff). Unfortunately, this probably increases the chance of infection going forward.
Sonia also tells me that she is starting to feel some occassional pressure around her pelvis. We hope this is just due to the babies growing but as her cervix won't hold anything, we just don't know.
If we are blessed to be able to make it a few more days, we will have another ultrasound with Dr. Sakamoto on Sunday.
As far I am concerned, I'm trying to at least partially refocus on work while spending as much time as possible at the hospital with Sonia. I have been staying overnight with her and hope to be able to do so until they kick me out.
I have also started fasting to try improve my spiritual focus and walk with God. My first attempt was on Sunday but I was only 2/3 successful as a wonderful friend surprised us with some delicious chinese food for lunch. My second attempt started after lunch yesterday. It has been 28 hours and I can't believe it. As a red meat inhaling westerner, the notion of fasting has not come naturally to me. In fact, I have to admit missing dinner was REALLY difficult mentally! I also want to thanks to a couple of other dear friends who are fasting with me. I want to avoid getting sick for Sonia and the babies so I am going to try fasting pretty regularly except for some caloric intake once a day so I can benefit from some vitamins and supplements I have been taking.
Sonia's father will be arriving this Friday. If we can hold on a few more days, I think he will be a great enouragement to both Sonia and the babies. If by God's mercy and grace, Rachel and Isaac are still with us for a couple of more weeks, Sonia's mother will return to Japan at the beginning of April. My mom and dad want to come and I hope they can but given how small the room is, they will likely come visit after Sonia's folks.
Thanks to everyone for their continued thoughts and prayers. We remain positive and hopeful and confident that God's miracle is already unfolding before our eyes.
In Christ,
Jong and Sonia
Today, Rachel and Isaac officially became 19 weeks old. Last Wednesday when Rachel's water broke, we had all but given up the thought of being together even this far.
Both Rachel and Isaac are still hanging in there. Their heartbeats are around 150 beats per minute. Isaac seems to be pretty oblivious to everything as he is doing somersaults in Sonia's tummy, making finding his heartbeat quite challening. Must take after dad, big belly and all. We just pray that he continues to grow as quickly and aggressively as possible. Rachel. Well, what more can we say about her. She is still being our brave little girl. Without fluid, she hasn't been able to move much at all since last Wednesday but she is still alive and possibly kicking (literally).
Sonia's appetite seems to be holding up although she is really sensitive to temperature fluctuations especially those caused by even the most modest physical or mental exertion on her part.
Tomorrow will be our next big step. In order to avoid potential resistance issues, Dr. Sakamoto is planning on discontinuing Sonia's IV antibiotic regimen. The good news is that she won't have an IV drip in her arms (she has very small veins apparently and finding, hitting and keeping an IV drip in her has been a challenge in and of itself for the hospital staff). Unfortunately, this probably increases the chance of infection going forward.
Sonia also tells me that she is starting to feel some occassional pressure around her pelvis. We hope this is just due to the babies growing but as her cervix won't hold anything, we just don't know.
If we are blessed to be able to make it a few more days, we will have another ultrasound with Dr. Sakamoto on Sunday.
As far I am concerned, I'm trying to at least partially refocus on work while spending as much time as possible at the hospital with Sonia. I have been staying overnight with her and hope to be able to do so until they kick me out.
I have also started fasting to try improve my spiritual focus and walk with God. My first attempt was on Sunday but I was only 2/3 successful as a wonderful friend surprised us with some delicious chinese food for lunch. My second attempt started after lunch yesterday. It has been 28 hours and I can't believe it. As a red meat inhaling westerner, the notion of fasting has not come naturally to me. In fact, I have to admit missing dinner was REALLY difficult mentally! I also want to thanks to a couple of other dear friends who are fasting with me. I want to avoid getting sick for Sonia and the babies so I am going to try fasting pretty regularly except for some caloric intake once a day so I can benefit from some vitamins and supplements I have been taking.
Sonia's father will be arriving this Friday. If we can hold on a few more days, I think he will be a great enouragement to both Sonia and the babies. If by God's mercy and grace, Rachel and Isaac are still with us for a couple of more weeks, Sonia's mother will return to Japan at the beginning of April. My mom and dad want to come and I hope they can but given how small the room is, they will likely come visit after Sonia's folks.
Thanks to everyone for their continued thoughts and prayers. We remain positive and hopeful and confident that God's miracle is already unfolding before our eyes.
In Christ,
Jong and Sonia
Monday, March 06, 2006
Email to Friends at 9 pm on Sun March 5
Dear Sisters and Brothers in Christ,
Thank you again for all of your heartfelt prayers and support.
Today was a blessed day for the Lee family.
This morning started off with difficulty and trepidation as Sonia did not feel well and she thought she felt some pain in her abdomen. After seeing our doctor, however, it turns out that we have some encouraging news to share with everyone.
Our wonderful doctor, Dr. Sakamoto, peformed an ultrasound of Sonia's tummy and we discovered two encouraging changes about our babies. First, Dr. Sakamoto measured little Isaac and by His grace and all of your prayers and thoughts, it appears that Isaac has heard the call and is growing ahead of schedule. While he is officially 18 weeks and 5 days, his head measured at 19 weeks 6 days, his femur measured 19 weeks 4 days and, perhaps in a nod to his recently re-expanding daddy, his belly measured at 22 weeks and 1 day! Praise be to God.
Second, our little Rachel Grace has somehow repositioned herself such that one of her arms is sort of acting like a plug to help block Sonia's cervix opening while her head and torso are laying across Sonia's womb. While this position won't stop the leaking as Rachel's protective membrane is still ruptured (we're still praying for that one), we hope it helps somewhat in that it may allow Rachel Grace to accumulate a little water for herself. Baby Rachel's head measured on target at 18 weeks and 5 days. Due to the lack of any water around her, it was not possible to measure anything else. Heartbeats for both babies is still strong. Thank you Jesus.
In addition, by His mercy and grace, it also appears that Sonia's outer cervix has closed a bit. We are hopeful that this turn of events will reduce the likelihood of infection for Sonia and the babies.
Sonia and I know in our hearts that little Rachel Grace and Isaac Samuel can feel your love, can hear your prayers and are doing their best to rise to the challenge as a testimony to His Glory. We know that nothing substantial has ocurred to truly alter Rachel and Isaac's prognosis yet but we clearly saw God's grace, mercy and love working this morning as we watched our babies on the ultrasound monitor. We are more committed than ever to the proposition that a miracle from God is already unfolding in Sonia's tummy through Rachel and Isaac's amazing courage and inspiration at least to Sonia and me. We know that our lives have already been forever benefitted by these two gifts from God.
Pastor Dennis, thank you also for asking our congregation to pray for Rachel and Isaac.
We would appreciate your continued prayers for Rachel Grace's ruptured membrane and fluid build-up and prayers against infection, contractions and other complications for Sonia and the babies. Dr. Sakamoto has been absolutely wonderful, kind and gentle as have the hospital staff at Aiiku hospital. Please keep them in your prayers as well.
Dear brothers and sisters, words cannot express our humble gratitude for your kindness and fellowship in our time of need.
So as not to further and unduly impose on everyone, this will likely be our last non-emergency email broadcast. Instead, we will do our best to post periodic updates on Rachel and Isaac's progress on our baby blogsite (http://www.soniaandjong.blogspot.com). We hope you can visit the site once in a while and keep them in your prayers and thoughts.
God bless you.
Jong and Sonia
Thank you again for all of your heartfelt prayers and support.
Today was a blessed day for the Lee family.
This morning started off with difficulty and trepidation as Sonia did not feel well and she thought she felt some pain in her abdomen. After seeing our doctor, however, it turns out that we have some encouraging news to share with everyone.
Our wonderful doctor, Dr. Sakamoto, peformed an ultrasound of Sonia's tummy and we discovered two encouraging changes about our babies. First, Dr. Sakamoto measured little Isaac and by His grace and all of your prayers and thoughts, it appears that Isaac has heard the call and is growing ahead of schedule. While he is officially 18 weeks and 5 days, his head measured at 19 weeks 6 days, his femur measured 19 weeks 4 days and, perhaps in a nod to his recently re-expanding daddy, his belly measured at 22 weeks and 1 day! Praise be to God.
Second, our little Rachel Grace has somehow repositioned herself such that one of her arms is sort of acting like a plug to help block Sonia's cervix opening while her head and torso are laying across Sonia's womb. While this position won't stop the leaking as Rachel's protective membrane is still ruptured (we're still praying for that one), we hope it helps somewhat in that it may allow Rachel Grace to accumulate a little water for herself. Baby Rachel's head measured on target at 18 weeks and 5 days. Due to the lack of any water around her, it was not possible to measure anything else. Heartbeats for both babies is still strong. Thank you Jesus.
In addition, by His mercy and grace, it also appears that Sonia's outer cervix has closed a bit. We are hopeful that this turn of events will reduce the likelihood of infection for Sonia and the babies.
Sonia and I know in our hearts that little Rachel Grace and Isaac Samuel can feel your love, can hear your prayers and are doing their best to rise to the challenge as a testimony to His Glory. We know that nothing substantial has ocurred to truly alter Rachel and Isaac's prognosis yet but we clearly saw God's grace, mercy and love working this morning as we watched our babies on the ultrasound monitor. We are more committed than ever to the proposition that a miracle from God is already unfolding in Sonia's tummy through Rachel and Isaac's amazing courage and inspiration at least to Sonia and me. We know that our lives have already been forever benefitted by these two gifts from God.
Pastor Dennis, thank you also for asking our congregation to pray for Rachel and Isaac.
We would appreciate your continued prayers for Rachel Grace's ruptured membrane and fluid build-up and prayers against infection, contractions and other complications for Sonia and the babies. Dr. Sakamoto has been absolutely wonderful, kind and gentle as have the hospital staff at Aiiku hospital. Please keep them in your prayers as well.
Dear brothers and sisters, words cannot express our humble gratitude for your kindness and fellowship in our time of need.
So as not to further and unduly impose on everyone, this will likely be our last non-emergency email broadcast. Instead, we will do our best to post periodic updates on Rachel and Isaac's progress on our baby blogsite (http://www.soniaandjong.blogspot.com). We hope you can visit the site once in a while and keep them in your prayers and thoughts.
God bless you.
Jong and Sonia
Email to Friends at 11 pm on Sat March 4
Dear Friends and Family Members,
Thank you all of your prayers and thoughts. Sonia has asked that I send you the following message. We are still at the hospital and continue to hope and pray for Rachel and Isaac to hold on. Thank you again for your love and support..
Blessings,
Jong
----------------------------------------------------------
Dear all,
First, thank you all for your heartfelt prayers. We feel so very blessed because there is such an incredible number of people praying for our Rachel, Isaac and us. Our Rachel has been so brave. Earlier this afternoon, about 84 hours after we lost the water in her membrane, her little heart is still beating strongly away at around 150 beats per minute.
Most doctors we have consulted with believe that we have little or no hope. In fact, we learned that in most cases in the U.S. as well as in Japan, the doctors would strongly recommend aborting the babies at this point so as to not risk an infection which may result in a hysterectomy for me. We feel blessed that our doctor recommended a “stay the course”
approach appreciating our need to do everything we could for our babies. Our doctor believes that I will most probably start labor within the next few days at the latest but he wants to try his best to at least save Isaac. If Rachel can be delivered without rupturing Isaac’s
membrane, there is a small chance for him.
We really like and respect our doctor, but our Lord is a God of miracles, love and compassion and He loves His little children. Therefore we continue to pray and hope for our doctor to be shocked by a miracle for our little Rachel and Isaac. We were devastated on Wednesday
but our spirits were lifted up by all the prayers from everyone praying for us. We truly believe that all of the prayers from our friends, our family, various churches in Asia and North America and support group members are making all the difference in the world.
The Lord said that there is a time to hope and a time to grieve and for now, we believe it’s a time for us to hope.
We have read some incredible stories of babies surviving very early premature rupture of membrane (PROM). We know the odds are stacked against our babies, esp. little Rachel. First of all, we have to avoid infection. Also, she does not have fluids to breathe in to grow her
lungs. But we are praying for the Lord to somehow allow fluids to accumulate for her (we read on a PROM site that someone’s baby moved into a breech position and was able to block the fluids from leaking out of the cervix with his body for a short time.) We are praying for the
Holy Spirit to fill our little Rachel and surround her so she can swim and breathe in the Holy Spirit. We are asking Rachel to be the bravest little girl on earth and to just hang in there and stay strong, if not for herself, then out of her selfless love for her brother Isaac.
Every new day we have with our babies is a miracle for us. Looking back, Jong and I wish we could have slowed down enough to cherish every day of my entire pregnancy to date this way. For now, we are taking it one day at a time with a goal to get just past next Tuesday without infection, contractions or other problems for Rachel (they will be 19 weeks on Tuesday). We will then continue to take one day at a time with the hope of getting past one week after another.
We are spending our time talking, praying and singing with our little Rachel and Isaac. We are asking the Holy Spirit to talk to them and to keep them from fear and discomfort. Our babies have already blessed us so much during the past 4 months they have been with us, esp. this past week. We are very grateful to our Lord for this gift He has already given us. We don’t know what His will is for our precious Rachel Grace and Isaac Samuel yet, but we are going to keep hoping and praying in Him.
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
But those that hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will rise up with wings like eagles;
They will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:29-31
In Him,
Sonia
Thank you all of your prayers and thoughts. Sonia has asked that I send you the following message. We are still at the hospital and continue to hope and pray for Rachel and Isaac to hold on. Thank you again for your love and support..
Blessings,
Jong
----------------------------------------------------------
Dear all,
First, thank you all for your heartfelt prayers. We feel so very blessed because there is such an incredible number of people praying for our Rachel, Isaac and us. Our Rachel has been so brave. Earlier this afternoon, about 84 hours after we lost the water in her membrane, her little heart is still beating strongly away at around 150 beats per minute.
Most doctors we have consulted with believe that we have little or no hope. In fact, we learned that in most cases in the U.S. as well as in Japan, the doctors would strongly recommend aborting the babies at this point so as to not risk an infection which may result in a hysterectomy for me. We feel blessed that our doctor recommended a “stay the course”
approach appreciating our need to do everything we could for our babies. Our doctor believes that I will most probably start labor within the next few days at the latest but he wants to try his best to at least save Isaac. If Rachel can be delivered without rupturing Isaac’s
membrane, there is a small chance for him.
We really like and respect our doctor, but our Lord is a God of miracles, love and compassion and He loves His little children. Therefore we continue to pray and hope for our doctor to be shocked by a miracle for our little Rachel and Isaac. We were devastated on Wednesday
but our spirits were lifted up by all the prayers from everyone praying for us. We truly believe that all of the prayers from our friends, our family, various churches in Asia and North America and support group members are making all the difference in the world.
The Lord said that there is a time to hope and a time to grieve and for now, we believe it’s a time for us to hope.
We have read some incredible stories of babies surviving very early premature rupture of membrane (PROM). We know the odds are stacked against our babies, esp. little Rachel. First of all, we have to avoid infection. Also, she does not have fluids to breathe in to grow her
lungs. But we are praying for the Lord to somehow allow fluids to accumulate for her (we read on a PROM site that someone’s baby moved into a breech position and was able to block the fluids from leaking out of the cervix with his body for a short time.) We are praying for the
Holy Spirit to fill our little Rachel and surround her so she can swim and breathe in the Holy Spirit. We are asking Rachel to be the bravest little girl on earth and to just hang in there and stay strong, if not for herself, then out of her selfless love for her brother Isaac.
Every new day we have with our babies is a miracle for us. Looking back, Jong and I wish we could have slowed down enough to cherish every day of my entire pregnancy to date this way. For now, we are taking it one day at a time with a goal to get just past next Tuesday without infection, contractions or other problems for Rachel (they will be 19 weeks on Tuesday). We will then continue to take one day at a time with the hope of getting past one week after another.
We are spending our time talking, praying and singing with our little Rachel and Isaac. We are asking the Holy Spirit to talk to them and to keep them from fear and discomfort. Our babies have already blessed us so much during the past 4 months they have been with us, esp. this past week. We are very grateful to our Lord for this gift He has already given us. We don’t know what His will is for our precious Rachel Grace and Isaac Samuel yet, but we are going to keep hoping and praying in Him.
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
But those that hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will rise up with wings like eagles;
They will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:29-31
In Him,
Sonia
Major Setback
We have had a major set back. On Feb 28 Tuesday morning, I noticed something abnormal after using the bathroom. I immediately decided to stay home in bed, lying down horizontally to be safe while trying to reach our doctor, Dr. Sakamoto, to try to see him. I didn't think the problem would be very serious as I just had a checkup a week ago and everything was fine. We were able to reach Dr. Sakamoto after lunch and he said we could go into his office. At first, Dr. Sakamoto didn't think there would be a big problem either when I told him the details but his expression immediately changed when he checked my cervix via ultrasound. My cervix was open and it appears that part of our baby girl's sac was already outside of my cervix. It turned out that I have what is called an incompetent cervix, where one's cervix silently dilate without symptoms. Just one week ago, my cervix was completely closed and measured 4.3 cm - a very good length as doctor's get worried when the length is 2 cm. I learned that most women with this problem do not get diagnosed until their first miscarriage.
Dr. S immediately ordered an ambulance and admitted me to Aiiku Hospital. I will forever remember that fateful day with the view of Tokyo Tower while I was lying horizontally from a stretcher looking up at it. Jong and I were really scared.
Upon being admitted to the hospital, the on-call OB at Aiiku Hospital did a more detailed check. She saw 3 cm of our little girl's placenta protruding from my cervix. After checking the u/s to make sure our babies are not in distress, she moved me to a Prenatal Intensive Care Unit (PICU) room, and put me on strict bedrest (lying down flat at all times), and inserted an IV of antibiotics to prevent infection to the babies because of my open cervix as well as magnesium sulfate to prevent contractions and to relax the walls of my womb, with the hope that after some time with this course of medicine, the walls of my womb would relax enough for our baby girl's placenta will somehow slip back into my womb so that Dr. S can stitch my cervix up with a procedure called cerclage.
Later that day, Dr. S was able to stop by the hospital to see me. He said 3 cm was really bad but we can keep hoping. He also said that if our little girl's sac ruptures, it was over for both our twins because its very unlikely that our daughter could be delivered without rupturing our son's sac and they were way too small to survive outsid eof my womb.
Unfortunately, later that evening, at around 4 am Wednesday, the our little girl's water broke. We were terrified. Dr. S came into the hospital can confirmed with u/s that our little girl had no water left in her sac although our little boy's sac was still intact. He said he could feel our little girl's foot in my cervix. He gently told us that we should expect labor contractions to start shortly and that it would definitely mean death for our little girl and that its very unlikely that he would be able to save our son although he would try his best.
Jong and I were completely devastated. We decided to name our babies Rachel Grace (she would be the first born) and Isaac Samuel and we prayed and tried to ready ourselves to give our beautiful children back to our Lord. I was sent back to PICU room, they took me off of magnesium sulfate and put me on modified bedrest (lying flat except for bathroom and shower trips). They kept me on antibiotics to ward off infection but it seemed like everyone at the hospital had given up hope for our babies.
Jong and I started to call and email friends and family and asked them (and asked them to ask others) to start praying for a miracle. By Thursday morning, we had many people praying for our babies and us all over the world.
On Thursday morning, Dr. S came back. Perhaps a bit surprised that I seemed so stable. He told us that he decided that he was going to try his very best to save little Isaac. He said although the chances are very low and it basically takes a miracle, but if he was able to deliver little Rachel without affecting Isaac's membrane, it is possible that we could try to keep Isaac safe inside me for a while. We later learned that most doctors in Japan as well as in the U.S. would strongly encourage terminating the pregnancy within 24 hours of a premature rupture of membrane (PROM) in a pregnancy so as to avoid the risk of pregnancy that may put the mother's health at risk. We are very grateful that Dr. S is not one of those doctors.
At this point, Jong and I decided that we need to start hoping instead of despairing as our Lord is a God of miracles, love and compassion. We started asking our friends and family to raise an army of prayer warriers all over the world to pray for a miracle, not just for Isaac but also for Rachel.
Since then, we learned that not only our close friends and family as well as our whole church (our church, Tokyo Baptist Church has a regular Sunday aggregate attendance of over 1000 people and Pastor Dennis prayed for Isaac and Rachel in everyone of our 4 services on Sunday), but that people have started prayer chains all over the world. In addition, I have asked my sisters in Christ on a Christian infertility board, Hannah's Prayer, which I have been active on, to start praying as well, and I knew I had Hannah's Prayer sisters praying for our babies and us all over the world as well.
Jong and I, and we know our Rachel and Isaac felt the power of everyone's prayers. We are now taking each day we can pass without incident, infection, contractions or other complications as a miracle. Praying and hoping that each miracle day will build to a miracle week, and each miracle week will last until at least 28 weeks for our babies (about 9 more weeks from now). In fact, we are prayign and hoping for more -- the babies' 30 weeks mark is Jong's birthday so we are hoping that they will last until at least then so that Jong can have the 2 biggest birthday presents in his life. Each time we get to hear our babies' strong heartbeats (their heartbeats get checked 3 times a day), our hearts fill with renewed hope.
Jong and I have been so humbled by the outpouring of prayers, love and support from more people that we can ever imagine. We and Rachel and Isaac have truly been blessed by all of you. We are praying that Rachel and Isaac will continue to hang in there and be born healthy into the world as miracle babies who will bring honor and glory to our Lord Jesus.
I will copy and post a couple of our emails to friends during this period. We will keep updating this blog with updates. We would like to humbly ask for your continued prayers for Rachel, Isaac, Jong and I as we wait patiently for each miracle day to go by, trusting in our Lord.
May our Lord bless each of you,
Sonia
Dr. S immediately ordered an ambulance and admitted me to Aiiku Hospital. I will forever remember that fateful day with the view of Tokyo Tower while I was lying horizontally from a stretcher looking up at it. Jong and I were really scared.
Upon being admitted to the hospital, the on-call OB at Aiiku Hospital did a more detailed check. She saw 3 cm of our little girl's placenta protruding from my cervix. After checking the u/s to make sure our babies are not in distress, she moved me to a Prenatal Intensive Care Unit (PICU) room, and put me on strict bedrest (lying down flat at all times), and inserted an IV of antibiotics to prevent infection to the babies because of my open cervix as well as magnesium sulfate to prevent contractions and to relax the walls of my womb, with the hope that after some time with this course of medicine, the walls of my womb would relax enough for our baby girl's placenta will somehow slip back into my womb so that Dr. S can stitch my cervix up with a procedure called cerclage.
Later that day, Dr. S was able to stop by the hospital to see me. He said 3 cm was really bad but we can keep hoping. He also said that if our little girl's sac ruptures, it was over for both our twins because its very unlikely that our daughter could be delivered without rupturing our son's sac and they were way too small to survive outsid eof my womb.
Unfortunately, later that evening, at around 4 am Wednesday, the our little girl's water broke. We were terrified. Dr. S came into the hospital can confirmed with u/s that our little girl had no water left in her sac although our little boy's sac was still intact. He said he could feel our little girl's foot in my cervix. He gently told us that we should expect labor contractions to start shortly and that it would definitely mean death for our little girl and that its very unlikely that he would be able to save our son although he would try his best.
Jong and I were completely devastated. We decided to name our babies Rachel Grace (she would be the first born) and Isaac Samuel and we prayed and tried to ready ourselves to give our beautiful children back to our Lord. I was sent back to PICU room, they took me off of magnesium sulfate and put me on modified bedrest (lying flat except for bathroom and shower trips). They kept me on antibiotics to ward off infection but it seemed like everyone at the hospital had given up hope for our babies.
Jong and I started to call and email friends and family and asked them (and asked them to ask others) to start praying for a miracle. By Thursday morning, we had many people praying for our babies and us all over the world.
On Thursday morning, Dr. S came back. Perhaps a bit surprised that I seemed so stable. He told us that he decided that he was going to try his very best to save little Isaac. He said although the chances are very low and it basically takes a miracle, but if he was able to deliver little Rachel without affecting Isaac's membrane, it is possible that we could try to keep Isaac safe inside me for a while. We later learned that most doctors in Japan as well as in the U.S. would strongly encourage terminating the pregnancy within 24 hours of a premature rupture of membrane (PROM) in a pregnancy so as to avoid the risk of pregnancy that may put the mother's health at risk. We are very grateful that Dr. S is not one of those doctors.
At this point, Jong and I decided that we need to start hoping instead of despairing as our Lord is a God of miracles, love and compassion. We started asking our friends and family to raise an army of prayer warriers all over the world to pray for a miracle, not just for Isaac but also for Rachel.
Since then, we learned that not only our close friends and family as well as our whole church (our church, Tokyo Baptist Church has a regular Sunday aggregate attendance of over 1000 people and Pastor Dennis prayed for Isaac and Rachel in everyone of our 4 services on Sunday), but that people have started prayer chains all over the world. In addition, I have asked my sisters in Christ on a Christian infertility board, Hannah's Prayer, which I have been active on, to start praying as well, and I knew I had Hannah's Prayer sisters praying for our babies and us all over the world as well.
Jong and I, and we know our Rachel and Isaac felt the power of everyone's prayers. We are now taking each day we can pass without incident, infection, contractions or other complications as a miracle. Praying and hoping that each miracle day will build to a miracle week, and each miracle week will last until at least 28 weeks for our babies (about 9 more weeks from now). In fact, we are prayign and hoping for more -- the babies' 30 weeks mark is Jong's birthday so we are hoping that they will last until at least then so that Jong can have the 2 biggest birthday presents in his life. Each time we get to hear our babies' strong heartbeats (their heartbeats get checked 3 times a day), our hearts fill with renewed hope.
Jong and I have been so humbled by the outpouring of prayers, love and support from more people that we can ever imagine. We and Rachel and Isaac have truly been blessed by all of you. We are praying that Rachel and Isaac will continue to hang in there and be born healthy into the world as miracle babies who will bring honor and glory to our Lord Jesus.
I will copy and post a couple of our emails to friends during this period. We will keep updating this blog with updates. We would like to humbly ask for your continued prayers for Rachel, Isaac, Jong and I as we wait patiently for each miracle day to go by, trusting in our Lord.
May our Lord bless each of you,
Sonia
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
