I can't believe its Isaac's 3rd week at home already! After this week, I would have finished half of my leave. I think I am a lot more worried about Isaac than I should, especially after hearing Pastor Dennis's sermon this weekend on "Do Not Worry". Its hard not to worry living in Japan. It just seems that so much more is done for premature babies in the U.S. In the U.S., I think Isaac might already be getting early intervention treatments such as occupational therapy and physical therapy but we are pretty much on our own in Japan. I am waiting for our first month's appointment at St. Luke's to see if its possible to get Isaac into some kind of therapy but from what I have heard, its not that common in Japan and very difficult to get in.
I have been searching on the net to see if there are any "self help" guidance but haven't had much luck yet. If I had extra time between taking care of Isaac and work, I would be tempted to join some kind of online program to get a degree but then, by the time I get the degree it would be too late for Isaac anyway.
So we are still learning the lessons of surrendering to God. It somehow seems even harder now that Isaac is finally home from the hospital. Now that we have gotten passed the fears and worries with respect to the more immediate type of medical problems, we are now worried about his long term prognosis. Holding him and watching him each day makes it hard not to really want the very best for him as he grows up since he has already suffered so much. The guilt of being a preemie mother is really hard to fight off sometimes. I look at him and my heart aches to think that he will most probably be much smaller physically then his peers when he grows up. And then there are the unknowns of what kind of developmental delays and other struggles he will have. We have been told he is still at risk for cerebral palsy as he was born so prematurely (but it was very good that it doesn't seem he has had any brain bleeds).
So I think I have to try to focus on this following passage this week. To have faith that God IS in control, as He have been in control in every step of our journey this year. To remind myself of what a miracle Isaac already is so that I can focus on what God has done and what He will do instead of feeling sorry for myself.
Matthew 6:25-34I will try to load some videos and pictures later. I haven't had any luch trying to capture Isaac smiling on video yet. I would turn the video on and wait and wait, then I turn it off and he would smile!
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Thanks for listening to my venting!
God bless,
Sonia
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5 comments:
Hi Sonia,
Boy, I hear your worry in your latest post and can completely relate. It must be frustrating not to have access to the programs available here. If you can't get into private therapy, get some books that detail all of the developmental milestones in detail. Then you can work with him to make sure he is achieving them. The tummy time I am seeing on the video is a big deal and he looks like he is doing really well. Do stress that he is developmentally delayed. That is a given and to be expected. Sagan didn't laugh until he was 10 months actual. He combat crawled at 10 mon. but couldn't sit unassisted until he was 12 months old. He didn't walk until 18 months. He is five and has CP, but the majority of people who see him don't even notice.
Remember, take one day at a time! I am thinking of you everyday and wish I could be there to help you. Isaac could not be in better hands than yours!
Love,
Susan
I am such an idiot and meant to say "DON'T" stress about his being developmentally delayed...and I mean that...really! I should proof-read my notes before I post!
S
OK, OK, I should just send you an email, but I wanted to say something about size. Not all micro-preemies end up being small adults. I belong to a couple of preemies groups and the majority of preemies out there are of normal size. One thing that I do see and this is with Sagan too, is that preemies are very skinny...but often normal height. For example, Sagan was 537 grams at birth. He went down to about 13 oz. At five, he is 50% for his height! But, barely 5% for weight (he is taking an appetite stimulant)...so while some micro-preemies are small, most grow to their potential...at least in height.
I hope this helps....don't assume anything yet (yeah, I know...virtually impossible..LOL).
Hugs,
Susan
It's so hard not to worry, especially as you had so much to worry about from the beginning. Are there any support groups on-line where you could maybe get a feel from other preemie moms as to what kinds of therapies their babies are doing? I know it's not the same as having a professional come in and go through a routine, but maybe that'd help. Or books? Isaac is just such a sweetie and I continue to pray that he keeps on growing and doing well.
Dear Sonia, I will pray for peace for you and Jong. Isaac has come so far already, it is hard to imagine that he won't continue to make great strides. I do hope that you are able to find some kind of support group and good information on what you can do to help Isaac's development. I do know that there is a very wide range of "normal" for full term babies (I have been doing infant/toddler daycare for 20+years and have seen it all). So, I wouldn't stress too much if Isaac isn't doing exactly what the books say he should be doing at any given time. I would think that the most inportant thing is that he have continual progress at whatever the pace is. Mostly, I would imagine that for now the best thing for him is exactly what you are doing-loving, holding, nuturing etc. Take care and God Bless the three of you. Rowena
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