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Friday, August 11, 2006

Humbled again

Dear all,

As you can probably tell from my recent posts, I have gotten very impatient lately since Isaac has moved to GCU. I know for a fact that God specifically put Isaac at Toho University Hospital but the controlling side of me just cannot submit to some of the rules they have that do not make sense to me, do not seem to be really for the best interests of the babies there and do not seem to conform to the norm in other hospitals in Tokyo.

However, I was humbled by our Lord tonight and He showed me that I really need to be more patient and wait for Him to do His Work in Isaac and through Isaac.

Tonight was the 2nd time I bottle fed Isaac by myself. Yesterday was the first time I did it and the nurse actually finished the last part of it last night. Today, I was pretty much left alone to do it. Now our tiny Isaac is a little high maintenance during his feed. The hospital has this policy that I should change his diapers before his feeds, which wakes Isaac up. And he pretty much starts crying once he wakes up and wants to be fed immediately. For some reason, a lot of times, Isaac starts pooping during his feed, which causes him to cry and fuss and I will have to stop the feed to change his diapers. He was really crying when I was changing his diapers and he yanked his nasal cannular off. So I learned that he definitely needs his nasal cannular as his SpO2 fell to the 60 percentiles when his nasal cannular is off. After he was all cleaned up, and his SpO2 levels went back to normal, I tried to feed him the little bit of milk that was left. Because he was still a bit fussy, he choked a bit and his SpO2 fell to 56%. It was really scary because he went pretty limp. His eyes went out of focus. And then once his SpO2 went back up, he perked up again and looked alert again.

So I am learning that bottle feeding him is not that easy - which adjusts my expectations of when I will be able to directly breast feed him. I am also learning that he really has a ways to go before he can safely come home. I need more time to practice feeding him, while he needs more time for his lungs to get stronger.

So I feel humbled today. I am going to keep praying for miraculous healing for Isaac but in the meantime, I realized I really need to wait more patiently and really try to remember that God is the one in control here, not me.

Today was my birthday. I was afraid that I would be really depressed today since Jong is away and Isaac is still in the hospital (some of you may remember that a couple of months earlier, I was really hoping for Isaac to come home by my birthday). But I am so blessed, I know Jong has been praying very hard for me. I also shared my need for prayers with my HP sisters and their prayers have lift me up. Plus my HP sisters gave me a little cyber birthday party and then another surprise birthday party (hard to explain). I just feel so blessed to be loved by so many more people than before this tumultuous journey began for us.

My mom got to see Isaac for a few minutes through a glass door tonight. She said that he looks a lot smaller than she had imagined him to be based on the pictures she has seen. She thinks he is the splitting image of his daddy and kept commenting on how alert and curious Isaac's eyes were.

I also got off the phone with Jong a little while ago. He was waiting in a very slow check-in line at London Heathrow to head back to the U.S. Its going to be an interesting flight for him as he is only allowed to bring his wallet and passport on the flight with him. They won't even allow a note pad! I pray and hope that Jong is able to get a lot of good and much needed rest (no laptop = no work!) and just be able to relax and enjoy our Lord a little bit.

I am just so thankful to our Lord today. I am so glad He doesn't let me wander too far before guiding me back to the right path. I just pray that I don't forget this and lose my patience to quickly again! ^_^

Thank you very much for all of your prayers.

Sonia

p.s. Its almost impossible to take pictures these days because I am so busy changing his diapers and feeding him during my visits. But I am going to try to post some pictures I didn't get to post earlier over this weekend.
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3 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh Sonia, praise God for speaking to you and for giving you assurance that despite their shortcomings, your precious little isaac is in the right place for this season of life!

happy belated birthday! so many around the world celebrate with you! may His love surround you like no one else ever could!

and fyi, breast milk has a natual laxative property so all breastfed babies at this age poop just about every feeding. it's quite the ordeal dealing with it all, but you're doing so great!!!

we'll still be keeping in prayer your desire to breastfeed isaac directly, though...

also keep in mind that a killer on milk supply (at least it's true for me!) is not sleeping enough, and being stressed out. walking in the Spirit and being physically rested really helps replenish my supply... may He grant you much rest and all that you need to keep running this race!

love,
a fellow mommy of a little baby boy

2:50 AM
Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Sonia!!!! I am so happy that you were able to spend part of it with Isaac! I love that you are working so hard taking care of his needs that it is difficult for you to take photos! That is such a huge milestone! You have so much you are blessed with on this birthday, number one is that you were able to spend it with your lovely little boy! You have a wonderful husband who loves you very much and you have your parents too. I look at you and see that you are a very lucky person (I imagine that is hard to remember sometimes after the year you have had to endure). I want you to think ahead to next year, when you will have a super active toddler to run after and won't have time to brush your hair on your birthday! I am sending hugs and prayers your way on this special day (although it is probably tomorrow in Japan already)! Thank you again for sharing your family's journey with all of us. Bless you!

Hugs,
Susan

12:21 PM
Anonymous said...

WHAT IS THAT SMELL?

The doctor walked into the small hospital room of Diana Blessing. She was still groggy from surgery.

Her husband, David, held her hand as they braced themselves for the latest news. That afternoon of March 10, 1991 , complications had forced Diana, only 24-weeks pregnant, to undergo an emergency Cesarean to deliver the couple's new daughter, Dana Lu Blessing.

At 12 inches long and weighing only one pound nine ounces, they already knew she was perilously premature. Still, the doctor's soft words dropped like bombs. "I don't think she's going to make it," he said, as kindly as he could.

"There's only a 10-percent chance she will live through the night, and even then, if by some slim chance she does make it, her future could be a very cruel one"

Numb with disbelief, David and Diana listened as the doctor described the devastating problems Dana would likely face if she survived.

She would never walk, she would never talk, she would probably be blind, and she would certainly be prone to other catastrophic conditions from cerebral palsy to complete mental retardation, and on and on. "No! No!" was all Diana could say.

She and David, with their 5-year-old son Dustin, had long dreamed of the day they would have a daughter to become a family of four.

Now, within a matter of hours, that dream was slipping away

But as those first days passed, a new agony set in for David and Diana.

Because Dana's underdeveloped nervous system was essentially 'raw', the lightest kiss or caress only intensified her discomfort, so they couldn't even cradle their tiny baby girl against their chests to offer the strength of their love. All they could do, as Dana struggled alone beneath the ultraviolet light in the tangle of tubes and wires, was to pray that God would stay close to their precious little girl.

There was never a moment when Dana suddenly grew stronger.

But as the weeks went by, she did slowly gain an ounce of weight here and an ounce of strength there.

At last, when Dana turned two months old, her parents were able to hold her in their arms for the very first time. And two months later, though doctors continued to gently but grimly warn that her chances of surviving, much less living any kind of normal life, were next to zero, Dana went home from the hospital, just as her mother had predicted. Five years later, when Dana was a petite but feisty young girl with glittering gray eyes and an unquenchable zest for life.

She showed no signs whatsoever of any mental or physical impairment. Simply, she was everything a little girl can be and more. But that happy ending is far from the end of her story.

One blistering afternoon in the summer of 1996 near her home in Irving, Texas , Dana was sitting in her mother's lap in the bleachers of a local ball park where her brother Dustin's baseball team was practicing.

As always, Dana was chattering nonstop with her mother and several other adults sitting nearby when she suddenly fell silent . Hugging her arms across her chest, little Dana asked, "Do you smell that?"

Smelling the air and detecting the approach of a thunderstorm, Diana replied, "Yes, it smells like rain." Dana closed her eyes and again asked, "Do you smell that?"

Once again, her mother replied, "Yes, I think we're about to get wet. It smells like rain." Still caught in the moment, Dana shook her head, patted her thin shoulders with her small hands and loudly announced, "No, it smells like Him.

It smells like God when you lay your head on His chest."

Tears blurred Diana's eyes as Dana happily hopped down to play with the other children. Before the rains came, her daughter's words confirmed what Diana and all the members of the extended Blessing family had known, at least in their hearts, all along.

During those long days and nights of her first two months of her life, when her nerves were too sensitive for them to touch her, God was holding Dana on His chest and it is His loving scent that she remembers so well.

6:07 AM

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