Waaaaa Waaaaa Waaaaa

That's our little boy these days. He has been crying and more fussy lately but still very cute. He is so expressive and looks sooooo sad when he is crying it makes me giggle a bit. I am like, what? You think its the end of the world because you are hungry???? ^_^

Still not much to report these days. We are just waiting for Isaac to gain weight. I think I mentioned before that Dr. Ishii said that he wants Isaac to reach 2.4 kgs and for his SpO2 to not drop below 80s before he will let Isaac come home (with O2 via nasal cannular). So we are waiting for Isaac to get closer to 2.4 kgs before we start really pushing for him to come home. Isaac was 2,080 grams today.

They moved the one year old girl next to us, Mi-chan, back into NICU. I feel so sad for her and her parents as I can't imagine being stuck there for more than a year. But Mi-chan needs more attention anyway so NICU is better for her. I am praying that she can heal so that she can go home to be with her parents.

I am sorry I have not updated on Emily for a while. She is stable so far so praise God. Please continue to pray for her to continue to grow and get stronger ands stronger.

Sorry, I haven't been able to take pictures the last few days. We should have more pictures tomorrow and over the weekend.

Good night!

Sonia

Soooooooooo Cuuuuuuuute!!!!!

Dear all,

Not much to update except that we just think Isaac is soooooo cute these days. Jong and I are trying to go separately each day so Isaac can be fed by us twice a day during week days. Jong usually goes in the afternoon while I go in the evenings. Its great because we don't have to pretend to be polite each other and say, honey, you can hold him. Hee hee. We get to each hog our cutie little boy an hour each. :D

Isaac's primary nurse told me tonight that she is going to check with Dr. Ishii but if Dr. Ishii agrees, she is going to give Jong and I a how to bathe Isaac lesson! I have not yet seen Isaac taken a bath yet so I am getting excited already!!!

I was thinking about how blessed we are. I was talking about Rachel to some friends and was reminded of the reason why Isaac is here was because Rachel's arm was stuck in my cervix and that uncomfortable position for her was the reason why they were able to stay inside me for 5 more weeks (our doctor said they would have been born much earlier if she didn't get herself stuck in that position, e.g. if she was head down). I was thinking today how Rachel blessed us so much with her suffering and sacrifice and that she really deserves to be in heaven, being cuddled and loved by Jesus.

Here are some pictures from Sunday:

This was when we first arrived on Sunday afternoon. Isaac was so funny because his hair was all ruffled:
Isaac still loves doing the peace sign when he gets his food:
Food for Isaac's brains:

Here is a video from tonight. I just love, love, love when he is all wide eyed and looking around with his little mouth going "o". Oooooooh! What a cutie pie he is! ^_^

Pictures from Fri and Sat and Video from Sat

Dear all,

Here are pictures from Friday and Saturday and a video from yesterday.

Isaac cuddling with mommy on Friday night:
Daddy praying for Isaac on Saturday. You can also get a sense of how big Isaac is. He is still on the tiny side but very cute!
Isaac konked out on daddy's chest on Saturday:
Here is a video of Isaac and daddy at our 1 pm visit on Saturday:



God bless,

Sonia

For Susan and A Couple New Prayer Requests

I am very sleepy right now but I really wanted to post after reading Susan's comments. Plus I have a couple of prayer requests so I will try to do this quick (hope what I write will make sense) and will wait till tomorrow to load the video.

Isaac got to 2,012 grams on Friday!!!!! Yippee Yeah Yeah!

Today, they also took the nasal feeding tube out! They are now feeding his medicine through his mouth. I am so thankful for this as this is one of the most difficult thing when I see them stick the tube down his nose all the way down his throat. It always makes me want to cry.

Jong and I went in for the full hour at 1 pm and Jong got to feed and cuddle with Isaac during that 1 hour meeting. I then went back in at 4 pm and 7 pm just to feed Isaac. Isaac ate really well and finished his milk pretty fast. Its funny, although part of me wished that he took longer, I am really glad he was less tired and could eat quickly.

Here are my prayer requests. The one year old girl right next to Isaac whom the nurses refer to as Mi-chan seemed really sick today. They had an IV in her and they were putting ice bags around her tonight, which probably means she has a pretty high fever. I don't know what she is sick with. Please pray for Mi-chan's healing and also for Isaac to not catch this bug.

Also, Isaac has a hernia. The doctor said its not serious right now and he will just monitor it for now. Isaac might need a surgery later but hernias can also self-heal sometimes.

Anyway, my eyes won't stay open so I will say good night for now!

Sonia

Daddy is finally home!

I won't post a lot tonight since Jong just got home tonight. He came late so he didn't get to see Isaac yet - he will need to wait for tomorrow. Oh, the head nurse agreed to let us feed Isaac 3 times on the weekend days! We can stay for the full hour for only one of the visits. For the 2 extra times, we are just supposed to feed Isaac and come back out. I guess I will be spending most of my weekends at the hospital now!

Isaac weighed 1,970 grams today. I hope he gets to 2,000 grams this weekend! Here is a video from today. Good night!



Sonia

Another picture and video

I am posting this so late in case Jong gets a chance to see these before he gets on the plane. Yeah!!!! He is finally coming back to Tokyo and will arrive tomorrow night!!!!

I found Isaac like this when I arrived. The nurse said he was hungry and crying a lot. I have seen him falling asleep quite suddenly after tiring from a tantrum - this must be one of those times!
Isaac was a big trouble maker tonight. I hope you can hear my narration on the video. To make a long story short, I had to change his diapers 3 times in 1 hour and Isaac cried so much that his SpO2 levels were in the 60's for a while tonight. But he ended up happy with good SpO2 by the end of my visit. This tiny boy REALLY hates poop on his butt. ^_^

Short Video for Isaac's Daddy

For those of you who like seeing Isaac's videos, this is a side benefit from Jong being away. Normally, I wouldn't be loading a video tonight since I just got off of a late night conference call. But since I wanted to let Jong see this, might as well let all of you see it! ^_^

Isaac looked really chubby today. I think its because of the increase of milk he is getting. As mentioned before, he started getting 40 ml per feed instead of 35 per feed on Friday night. Thats 40 ml more each day in total! He still cries like its the end of the world though if the nurse makes out wait too long for him to get his milk like tonight. He weighed 1,912 grams today. Hopefully he will hit 2,000 grams by the end of this week! He took about 45 minutes to eat tonight. Since the nurse gave the milk to us 15 minutes late and he was crying for those 15 minutes, we didn't really get to cuddle much tonight. But he was wide awake during the feed, trying to look around as much as possible. I think its because he really can't see much lying in the bed all day and when I am there, its one of those really rare times for him to be able to see more than usual. I noticed that he really takes advantage of his upright position when I am burping him to really check things out. He often turns his head from one side to another to look at things. But then his head gets too heavy so he looks very funny, like a bobble head. Don't worry, I hold his head up when he looks like he can't hold it up himself. ^_^

In any case, you can tell on the video how loud GCU is. The beeping you can hear is not Isaac's SpO2 monitor. I think its not even the babies next to us!

Enjoy!



Sonia

Satan - Prince of Lies

John 9:1-3 - As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."

I am not sure if this is just an Asian thing but a lot of Asians, when they see a child who might be handicapped in some way or even if a child just has behavorial problems, they almost immediately assume that the parents did something wrong to deserve this "karma". On the opposite side of this, parents often take too much pride when their child is successful attributing the success of their own child to their own handiwork.

Perhaps partly because I have been exposed to this kind of thinking all of my life, sometimes, especially during times of weakness and sadness, I can easily fall prey to Satan's lies and find that I am not able to forgive myself or my own body for failing my children - blaming myself for causing all the suffering Rachel had to suffer during the time she had no water inside me and the time she had to suffer trying to stay alive so that I can see her before she went to heaven; and blaming myself for causing all the suffering Isaac has had to suffer the past 4.5 months and the many more months and years to come.

I had a tough weekend struggling with this. But today I was listening to a sermon from my old NYC church and it was really, really good. I am reminded that there is really only one way out of this for me -- I need to fall more and more in love with Jesus. And to do so I need to medidate more on the truth, i.e. His Word and to spend more time with Him. I need to keep my focus on Him, not on myself, not on Isaac, not on Rachel, not on Jong. I need to be satisfied by Him. Once I let Jong or Isaac or Rachel or anything else become more important to me than Jesus, I am in trouble. That's when Satan can get a foothold in me and attack me with His lies.

But its not a one time "aha I am enlightened" thing. I need to do this - read His Word, spend more time with Him and thinking about Him - every day, every morning, every afternoon, every evening. I haven't been doing that. I have been more faithful going to visit Isaac at the hospital than spending time with our Lord. In doing so, I have sinned.

So I need to repent of my sin and try again. Lucky for me, Jesus already paid for my sins.

The other day I was telling someone about Rachel and started to cry. She said to me in a kind of a don't be so silly way, "You musn't cry! Rachel belongs to Jesus!" She is so right. Not only does Rachel belong to Jesus. Isaac belongs to Jesus. Jong and I are just stewards of Isaac. God has great plans for our tiny boy. I am reminded by the verses in John that every thing that has happened was to display God's Work. I knew this to be the truth but instead, I chose to focus on the lies instead. It is very hard to watch Isaac having to suffer. Its much easier to try to blame myself and somehow try to punish myself for that than to accept that Isaac needs to go through this and say, God, do what you will for your glory.

I know I am just in the beginning part of this journey of healing and I will have more ups and downs. But I am very fortunate to have many people who love me who will remind me to look up to Jesue and look to the truth.

Before I go, just a little about Isaac today. He is getting better and better at eating. I was able to finish feeding his 40 ml of milk within 30 minutes again today. The nurse said that he finished his milk in 15 minutes at the 10:00 am feed. Isaac was wide awake the whole time I was there today and he was being a Curious George - looking every where with his big eyes. There is a one-year old girl next to us (she still has pretty bad breathing problems) and she was in a baby chair right next to us today. It was really cute when I was burping Isaac as Isaac was facing the little girl directly and they were really looking at each other! The little girl smiled so big at Isaac and Isaac's eyes were wide open looking at her with his mouth in a little O! ^_^

I have another short video. I took the first part one handed as Isaac was in my other arm but I finally captured him sneezing! Unfortunately, I made a sneezing noise so you can barely hear his sneeze but you may be able to hear Isaac's high pitch squeal "achoo" behind my fake "achoo".



God bless,

Sonia

A Few Picures

Dear all,

I just wanted to post some pictures today. The following two are of Isaac when I first arrived at the hospital today. He was starting to wake up but hadn't realized that he was hungry yet. That came (along with the crying) right after I took the pictures.

The following three pictures are of Isaac right before I left. He was fussy after eating and I was able to get him to settle down and fall asleep on my chest while I was standing and swaying back and forth. It was funny too. The attending nurse was trying to get me to sway but we couldn't communicate so she literally had to push me back and forth to tell me what she wanted to do. I guess GCU is really, really lacking in manpower as the No. 2 Nurse (the 2nd in command right after the Head Nurse, who wasn't in) was Isaac's (and a few other babies) attending nurse today. May be one of the nurses called in sick or something. In any case, today was a very hot day today in Tokyo so I think I was sweating a bit or it might have been Isaac sweating too. That's why his hair looks wet. Isaac slept really well on my chest today - he was so soundly asleep that he didn't wake up when I put him down (he usually would wake up at least a little bit when I put him down)!


Blessings,

Sonia

God answered my prayer

Dear all,

Its going to be all my words tonight as I didn't get a chance to take pictures or a video of Isaac tonight.

God answered my prayer from last night as I feel a lot more at peace today.

I asked a friend to post on a Japanese preemie board to find out what other hospitals in Japan do with respect to feedings. She got some answers back and apparently the hospitals pretty much all have a similar approach. The one hospital that does feed the babies individually, they feed in the order of which baby cries the loudest. I think that is actually worse because at least when they let the babies try to eat on their own, they are getting something in their stomachs. NICUs are quite underfunded in Japan these days and they are all really full so there seems to be an across the board problem with nurse to patient coverage ratios.

I also talked to Dr. Ishii tonight. He didn't say no to my request to feed Isaac 3 times on weekend days yet. He told me he needed to talk to the head nurse next week as she wasn't in today and will get back to me. Although it won't start this weekend at least it wasn't a definite no. He thinks Isaac is becoming more stable. And we talked about the goals for Isaac to be discharged. He told me that he wants Isaac to get to 2,400 grams. (Isaac was 1,872 grams today.) And that he wants Isaac's SpO2 levels to drop only drop to the high 80s or the 90s when he cries. Isaac's SpO2 levels don't always drop below the 90's now when he cries but when it does drop, it drops to the low 70s and once in a while high 60s. At least now I have something specific to pray for. He thought it would be 1 or 2 more months. Please pray that Isaac will come home in September. My sister is coming to Japan early October and I really hope Isaac can be discharged before she gets here so that she can see Isaac.

Isaac was doing well tonight. He was his usual trouble maker self. He ate really well - but then pooped again in the middle of his feed, which of course made him cry and cry. So I had to stop the feed to change his diapers. But boy it was a massive poop! And then he pooped again when I was changing him. So in the midst of his crying and crying, he actually threw up a bit. The good news is his SpO2 did not drop too much despite his throw up. After I finally got him cleaned up, I was able to get the nurse to give us a bit more milk so Isaac wouldn't go too hungry. After the feeding and the burping (we finished his feed including the diaper change and cleaning up after his throw up in 30 minutes), he got to cuddle on mommy's chest for 30 minutes. He slept really well on my chest. He cried a bit when I put him back down but settled down before I left. I was glad to see him recover so well despite his throw up and his crying. Its also good to see him able to feed faster and not look so tired. Because I had asked about whether Isaac was getting enough milk, the doctor also agreed to start feeding Isaac 40 ml per feed now. :D

I thought a lot about Rachel on my way to the hospital. And then I thought a lot about both Rachel and Isaac and everything that has happened this year. I was once again reminded of how blessed we have been. Our little family is loved by so many more people now. There are so many people praying for us, especially for Isaac. I believe all the extra prayers Isaac is getting will really bless him for the rest of his life. I have made a lot of really close dear friends because of Isaac and Rachel. Friends I have never met in person but nonetheless really dear friends who I know love us.

I am so glad that God does answer our pleas for help. Just yesterday I was so angry and lost. But all I needed to do was to cry out for help and God stepped in and held my heart in His Hands and made me feel so loved.

Some days I really wish I could move Isaac to a closer hospital that has more liberal visiting hours. But some days I realize that it might be short sighted. Jong and I met with a pediatrician/neonatologist whose clients are mostly foreigners a couple of weeks ago. He pointed out that there are certain long term care we might want to keep getting from Toho. As other hospitals might not take in Isaac as he was not their "original patient". Apparently, there are very few slots for things like rehabilitation and physical therapy in hospitals in Tokyo for preemies and Toho has a pretty strong program. Even if Dr. Ishii was supportive of a transfer, most hospitals are probably just as, if not more, full than Toho so the chances of moving him is pretty slim as well. But without Dr. Ishii's support, its almost impossible as other hospitals won't even talk to us with out his recommendation. Its just how things are in Japan.

I feel good today though because I feel really blessed and loved. I am glad I have something specific to pray for. And there really seems to be an end date now. Sometimes I just need to remember how incredible a miracle Isaac has already been.

Thank you very much for your prayers. For bearing with me on my down days. And for rejoicing with me on my good days. Please pray specifically for Isaac to continue to gain weight at a good pace and for his lungs and breathing to get better and better so that his SpO2 levels no longer drop lower than the high 80s.

Have a wonderful and blessed weekend,

Sonia

A Prayer and A Short Video

So after I told myself I cannot think about how awful it is that Isaac has to bottle feed on its own - that was the only thing I can think about when I woke up this morning. I ended up writing a letter to Toho today asking if they will let me go in for 2 more feedings over the weekend just so that I can feed Isaac and change his diapers and come back out. They will probably turn down my request but I just felt like I had to at least ask. It just seems so inhumane to me. I watch the baby next to Isaac cry and cry every night because he will inevitably lose his grip on the nipple and won't be able to continue to keep feeding. I watch his SpO2 levels drop to the 60 percentiles for a while (may be more than 10-15 mins) before a nurse would come over and try to fix the bottle for him. And this baby breathes better than Isaac as he doesn't need a nasal cannular when he is not feeding. This is the same baby I have seen licking the side of the bottle because he couldn't get the nipple back in his mouth. I want to cry everytime when I see this. Not only because I know the same thing is happening to Isaac when I am not there, but because I just don't think this should be happening to babies, especially not premature babies and not babies who have parents who could feed them if they are only allowed to visit more than one hour a day!

Dear Lord, I really don't want to get angry or bitter. But I can't seem to be able to stop thinking about this and it is bothering me so much! I need to trust in you more with Isaac's current situation and have more peace but I just don't seem to know how to. So I need your help. I think you need to do it for me. Please help me and teach me how. In Jesus' name. Amen.

In any case, I also wanted to share a video of Isaac when I was leaving today. He started crying afer I put him down to leave so the nurse picked him back up and I was able to get a little bit of video in.




Good night,

Sonia

Good Update on Emily from Mon Aug 14, 2006

Dear all,

I have been meaning to copy Emily's update onto here but just got around to doing so. Please continue to pray for Emily and her parents Jennifer and Tony!

Emily Two Weeks Old

We had some good news today. Emily was stable all of last night and throughout the day. The doctors have been gradually weaning her off of the jet ventilator, and they started weaning her off of her nitric oxide today. She had a chest x-ray which showed improvement in her lungs. They've also started feeding her some of Jennifer's milk, and she tolorated both feedings today. She has also been taken off of the antifungal medication she was on since cultures show no sign of infection, and her platelette counts have been stable. Her biggest problem now is that her neck muscles are strong enough to turn her head, and she wants to look around her environment, which risks dislodging her breathing tube.

Emily was very active today despite the morphine and versed. She opens her eyes quite frequently now and her movements are very deliberate. This evening she kept looking up at a green tube above her which is part of her breathing apparatus. Then she reached out and grabbed it in a single try! We've also noticed her rubbing her hands against different textures in her incubator: the leads of the heart rate monitor, the plastic of the tubing, and her bedding. This afternoon she apparently got quite a fright from Daddy. While Tony was looking at her, she opened one eye slightly, then both eyes suddenly opened wide, then shut tight. Then she took another peek before opening both eyes wide again and jerking her arms as if surprised and shutting her eyes tight again. Either she was expecting Mommy or Daddy is very scary looking to her. Yesterday, she had a tube tangled up in her right foot. Tony untangled it for her, and she immediately flexed her toes open, and stretched out her leg until she found the tube and grabbed ahold of it again.

Emily has also developed and interesting range of habits:

Blowing spit bubbles.
When sleeping, sticking her leg straight up in the air and shaking her foot just like her Daddy. (Apparently this is genetic!)
Picking her ear with her index finger.Putting her finger in her eye.
Grabbing her bottom eyelids with her hands and pulling on them until you see the whites of her eyes.
Grabbing her bottom lip and pulling her jaw open.

Apparently Emily is a very willfull child who likes to explore her environment. Given her penchant for grabbing and pulling, I think it's safe to say that people with long hair should be careful around our little girl after she comes home!

God bless,

Sonia

Getting better at bottle feeding

Dear all,

With more practice each evening, I am slowly feeling more comfortable at bottle feeding Isaac - watching his face to make sure he is breathing and not turning blue and checking the SpO2 monitor. Its a bit like driving - you have to look straight most of the time but you need to check your side view and back view mirrors once in a while.

Isaac still takes a pretty long time to eat. Yesterday, he took about 1 hr 15 minutes but today he was actually able to finish eating within the hour. There are a lot of milk stains on his bed and on his clothes when I arrive, meaning that he is probably not getting all of the milk when he has to eat on his own when I am not there. I try not to think about it too much, but please pray that he can heal and grow faster so that he can come home as soon as possible.

He was breathing well while I fed him last night and tonight. I hope he keeps making progress. I am very confused about how many times he poops a day. I ask the attending nurse for him when I visit one every few days and I always get a different answer and they always confirm that what they are telling me is the usual for Isaac. My guess is they are just blowing me off and they don't really know and they don't want to bother checking his charts to let me know. I think I am going to have to ask his primary nurse again. Communication is definitely more frustrating at GCU compared with NICU. Isaac's primary nurse Ayako-san was so great. She really cared about Isaac and me. GCU is a completely different world.

I got a couple of really short video clips today. A very, very short one of when I first arrived before I picked him up - which I needed to very shortly as he started crying. And then the other clip is of Isaac after I put him down back in his bed before I left. His tummy was full, his diapers were clean and he got a little bit of cuddling with his mom because he finished his milk a little faster today, so he was a happy camper. Since he was wide awake, I put up a picture of Jong and me I have put in on this little diary book the hospital lets us keep there so he could look at it. He was really looking at our picture in the video! ^_^

In any case, I am going to have to ask all of you to pray harder for Isaac to get better and come home soon. I am concerned about the long term physical and psychological effects the neglect at GCU might have on him. He is just not getting the attention and the cuddles a newborn baby should be and need to be getting. I know Isaac is out of immediate danger now but if you are still keeping up with our blog, please pray harder than ever for him to heal miraculously and come home soon - but of course, only if its in accordance with our Lord's Will and Time.



Isaac, Jong and I (and Rachel in heaven) are so grateful for all of your continued prayers,

Sonia

A Better Visit Tonight

Dear all,

I finally had a better visit tonight! There were still milk stains on Isaac's bed when I first arrived so I know he lost some milk from his earlier feeds. However, he didn't have a poopie diaper for me to change, which means he got less upset as it was much faster for me to change his diapers. Then the nurse got the milk to us pretty quickly so Isaac didn't cry as long.

And then, I fed him, and I fed him, and I fed him. Isaac breathed really well during the feed but he decided to take his sweeeeeet time. He would suckle a few times, and then he would kick back and start dozing off. This kept repeating until the whole hour had passed and he was still not finished. So the nurse came over and tried to finish the rest of his feed. Which gave me a chance to get some video! At first he didn't want to finish so he cried a lot and then he got much happier when he got to cuddle with the nurse and he finally finished his bottle (which only had 35 ml of milk!). If what he wanted was cuddling, our silly boy should have eaten faster and I would have been able to cuddle with him lots!

I also realized that I dreamt about cuddling with Isaac lots last night. I was really hugging him and it was such a great feeling. I hope I have a lot more of those dreams. ^_^

I haven't reported his weight for a while - he was 1,838 grams yesterday, which is just over 4 lbs! He still isn't growing that much length-wise. He gets measured every Friday and his length shrank this past Friday compared with the Friday before! We suspect that he is very difficult to measure since he doesn't like staying still but we sure hope he can start growing length wise soon as well!

Thanks for your prayers. I know a lot of you must have been praying hard for us for me to have a nicer visit tonight. ^_^



Blessings,

Sonia

Good-bye Alexander

I am copying the latest blog update from Jennifer's and Tony's blog. This is so heart wrenching. Please pray for them.

Day Thirteen; Losing Alexander

Alexander died on Friday, August 11th almost eleven days to the minute after his birth. The yeast infection the doctors thought they had under control suddenly caused him to swell overnight on Wednesday. By Friday morning he was 22 centimeters around in his abdomen. The yeast turned out to be an unusual variety they don't normally see in the ICN and there apparently aren't any effective treatments for it. Alex's little heart couldn't take the strain and eventually gave out. When he was still alive, but could no longer sustain a pulse they disconnected him from the equipment and put him in Jennifer's arms. Jennifer had said that she could tell that all Alex wanted was to be picked up and held. So, for his entire life all he wanted was for someone to hold him, and his mother gave him that gift at the very end. When she told him how much she loved him, he opened his eyes for the last time; the very first and very last things Alex ever saw with his eyes in his short life was his Mommy. Then he closed his eyes and looked just like he'd drifted off to sleep.

Jennifer and I are overwhelmed with his loss. It's far worse than losing Christopher because we had more time with Alex and got to know him. It's also hard to think that we lost him to something so stupid as a yeast infection. But, we have to stay strong for his sister. Emily continues to fight for her life, and has been improving very gradually but still needs a great deal of respiratory support. She has lost circulation to the toes on her right foot and may lose some of them. The doctors are also concerned about long-term brain damage from the lack of oxygen she endured for almost 24 hours on Thursday.

Tony

Isaac scared mommy

Dear all,

I had a little scare today. When I first started feeding Isaac today, Isaac was so hungry that he started wolfing down the milk a little too fast and then he stopped breathing. His face turned blue and his heart rate fell down to 90 something plus his SpO2 fell to 59% or so. This happened in what seemed like the blink of an eye. I immediately pulled the bottle away from him. The nurse was with me when this happened, and she tapped Isaac's head, face, back and feet to get him to start breathing again. It was really hard for me not to burst out crying right then and there. He also had a hard time breathing yesterday.

When I first arrived today, I noticed that there was a not so small milk stain on his bed. So I asked the nurse whether he threw up. The nurse said that he didn't throw up but that some of the milk from his prior feed spilled. I don't know if I mentioned this here before (sorry, I am too lazy to check back) but the nurses leave milk bottles propped up on the side with a towel and let the babies feed on their own when their parents are not there to feed them. So when Isaac was feeding on his own, I guess somehow he lost the grib on the nipple and somehow the milk spilled out. I don't know how much milk got spilled out but the nurse claimed that only a little bit got spilled. This could be the reason why Isaac was so hungry when I got there. As all the other babies get the same treatment, there is nothing much I can do, especially since they won't let us visit longer so that I can do more than one feed. Once Jong gets back to Japan, we can at least try to go separately and make sure that Isaac has at least 2 feedings where he gets fed properly.

On days like this, its really, really hard to remember that God put Isaac at this hospital purposefully and that Isaac is in God's Hands. Its not like we can really bring him home now as he is still having such difficulty breathing. I feel so helpless as I can't do much for Isaac right now. But it is really hard to accept the level of care he is getting and the poor environment in GCU (loud and bright). It is also hard not to imagine what it is like for Isaac for most of the day when we are not there. Hard to not worry that it will have some long term effect on him emotionally and psychologically, if not physically. Sometimes its hard to feel peace with the fact that the only thing I can really do is pray even harder and harder for God to please, please heal Isaac's lungs and breathing.

Today reminded me again that even when we can bring Isaac home, it is just another leg of the long journey ahead of us.

Sometimes I feel really, really weary on this journey. It feels like my heart just can't take the pain for another minute. But the amazing thing is when I start looking up, when I start thinking about what Christ did for me on the cross, the weariness and the pain just bring me even closer to Him. Because I know that I can give it all to Him. I know that when I can't stand it anymore, I can just lie in God's arms and let him take over.

A Christian sister pointed out this Daily Bread reading from a couple of days ago:

In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul. —Psalm 94:19

Hudson Taylor (1832-1905) was the founder of the China Inland Mission and a great servant of God. But after the ferocious Boxer Rebellion of 1900, in which hundreds of his fellow missionaries were killed, Taylor was emotionally devastated and his health began to fail. Nearing the end of life’s journey, he wrote, “I am so weak that I cannot work. I cannot read my Bible; I cannot even pray. I can only lie still in God’s arms like a child and trust.”

Have you been passing through a time when you are tired of body and sick of heart? Do you find it difficult to focus your mind on biblical promises? Has it become hard for you to pray? Don’t write yourself off as a spiritual castaway. You are joining a host of God’s people who have experienced the dark night of the soul.

When we endure such times, all we can do—indeed, all we need do—is lie still like a child in the arms of our heavenly Father. Words aren’t necessary. A comforting father doesn’t expect his child to make speeches. Neither does God. He knows we need His soothing care. In times of trouble, His mercy holds us up (Psalm 94:18). We may trust Him to carry us through that dark night of the soul and on into the dawning light. —Vernon C Grounds

Under His wings I am safely abiding,
Though the night deepens and tempests are wild;
Still I can trust Him; I know He will keep me,
He has redeemed me, and I am His child. —Cushing

When we have nothing left but God, we’ll find that God is enough.

I am just so glad that God is enough, because I have nothing left.

Here are a few pictures from the past week. This one is from August 6, 2006 - Isaac looked happy being held by daddy:
This was from today - when I first arrived at the hospital, before Isaac woke up hungry:
This was also from today, after he was fed and had clean diapers, he fell asleep in my arms. I had to take this one with one hand while holding him with my other arm. So its not the best picture.
P.S. Thanks for your prayers for Jong. He did get to the U.S. from London but it took him a lot longer - his flight was scheduled to arrive at 7:30 pm but he finally got out of the airport at 1:00 am. As I mentioned before, he wasn't allowed any hand carry with him, not even a paper note pad or a book or magazine (and those of you who know him will know how hard it is for him to not have anything to do). Anyway, guess what happened? Yup, the movie system on the plane broke and it was a 10 hour flight (which got extended into a much longer flight). Anyway, the good news is Jong had no choice but to sleep and sleep. ^_^

Sonia

Pls continue to pray for Alex and Emily

Dear all,

I just saw the latest update for Jennifer's and Tony's 2 surviving triplets Alex and Emily on their blog. They are struggling right now. Please continue to pray hard for this family. I haven't received permission to link their blog to my blog yet but if I do get permission, I will do so. Thank you for your prayers for this family.

Sonia

Eleven Days Old (posted on August 11, 2006)

Alexander and Emily both took a turn for the worst yesterday. Both have breathing difficulties because their lungs are so immature. Emily is doing a little better than her brother and seems to be responding to the steroids to help her lungs. Alexander is in serious trouble. His yeast infection seems to have set up in his bowels and he is now extremely bloated. The doctors don't dare put him on steroids for his lungs because it will make the infection worse. Both babies need 100 % oxygen and the special 'puffer' ventilators now. Yesterday the doctor told Jennifer that Alex wouldn't survive another day, and his oxygen saturation levels were in the low 20 %'s. Jennifer asked that he be put on NO like his sister, and the doctor was initially reluctant to do so because he thinks it will at best be a temporary reprieve. However, shortly after being put on the NO, Alex's saturation levels went up and his blood gases got better. His blood pH is good, and his CO2 levels have come down. Yesterday afternoon we were told that his oxygen levels were still lower than the doctors would like (he was pretty much staying in the 70 % range), but it was a definite improvement over the morning and that as long as his blood gases continued to look good, there should be no long-term problems. We made the difficult decision to go home to try to get some sleep last night. When we left, his gases were still good and his saturation levels were slowly moving up into the 80% range. We're about to leave for the hospital. I called the doctor this morning and found out that Alex had an 'event' at 4 AM requiring recussitation, but that he's been pretty stable since. As of now, his oxygen saturation levels have climbed up into the 90% range.

We are hoping that the medications will keep the yeast infection in check and that his respiratory situation will stabilize. If he requires less respiratory support, the doctors say that they can intervene surgically to remove some of the yeast causing his bloating. After the infection is under control, then they can start him on the steroids for his lungs.

Keep Praying,

Tony

Humbled again

Dear all,

As you can probably tell from my recent posts, I have gotten very impatient lately since Isaac has moved to GCU. I know for a fact that God specifically put Isaac at Toho University Hospital but the controlling side of me just cannot submit to some of the rules they have that do not make sense to me, do not seem to be really for the best interests of the babies there and do not seem to conform to the norm in other hospitals in Tokyo.

However, I was humbled by our Lord tonight and He showed me that I really need to be more patient and wait for Him to do His Work in Isaac and through Isaac.

Tonight was the 2nd time I bottle fed Isaac by myself. Yesterday was the first time I did it and the nurse actually finished the last part of it last night. Today, I was pretty much left alone to do it. Now our tiny Isaac is a little high maintenance during his feed. The hospital has this policy that I should change his diapers before his feeds, which wakes Isaac up. And he pretty much starts crying once he wakes up and wants to be fed immediately. For some reason, a lot of times, Isaac starts pooping during his feed, which causes him to cry and fuss and I will have to stop the feed to change his diapers. He was really crying when I was changing his diapers and he yanked his nasal cannular off. So I learned that he definitely needs his nasal cannular as his SpO2 fell to the 60 percentiles when his nasal cannular is off. After he was all cleaned up, and his SpO2 levels went back to normal, I tried to feed him the little bit of milk that was left. Because he was still a bit fussy, he choked a bit and his SpO2 fell to 56%. It was really scary because he went pretty limp. His eyes went out of focus. And then once his SpO2 went back up, he perked up again and looked alert again.

So I am learning that bottle feeding him is not that easy - which adjusts my expectations of when I will be able to directly breast feed him. I am also learning that he really has a ways to go before he can safely come home. I need more time to practice feeding him, while he needs more time for his lungs to get stronger.

So I feel humbled today. I am going to keep praying for miraculous healing for Isaac but in the meantime, I realized I really need to wait more patiently and really try to remember that God is the one in control here, not me.

Today was my birthday. I was afraid that I would be really depressed today since Jong is away and Isaac is still in the hospital (some of you may remember that a couple of months earlier, I was really hoping for Isaac to come home by my birthday). But I am so blessed, I know Jong has been praying very hard for me. I also shared my need for prayers with my HP sisters and their prayers have lift me up. Plus my HP sisters gave me a little cyber birthday party and then another surprise birthday party (hard to explain). I just feel so blessed to be loved by so many more people than before this tumultuous journey began for us.

My mom got to see Isaac for a few minutes through a glass door tonight. She said that he looks a lot smaller than she had imagined him to be based on the pictures she has seen. She thinks he is the splitting image of his daddy and kept commenting on how alert and curious Isaac's eyes were.

I also got off the phone with Jong a little while ago. He was waiting in a very slow check-in line at London Heathrow to head back to the U.S. Its going to be an interesting flight for him as he is only allowed to bring his wallet and passport on the flight with him. They won't even allow a note pad! I pray and hope that Jong is able to get a lot of good and much needed rest (no laptop = no work!) and just be able to relax and enjoy our Lord a little bit.

I am just so thankful to our Lord today. I am so glad He doesn't let me wander too far before guiding me back to the right path. I just pray that I don't forget this and lose my patience to quickly again! ^_^

Thank you very much for all of your prayers.

Sonia

p.s. Its almost impossible to take pictures these days because I am so busy changing his diapers and feeding him during my visits. But I am going to try to post some pictures I didn't get to post earlier over this weekend.

Please pray for Jong's travels

Jong is traveling the next two weeks and landed in London Heathrow right before today's events regarding the terrorist plans to bomb planes from London to the U.S. He got stuck on the runaway for many hours but is now safely in London. However, he needs to fly out of London tomorrow back to the U.S. and will be flying to many cities in the U.S. Please pray for safe and smooth travels for him so that he can take care of all of the business he needs to (and he doesn't need to go back for the same things again after coming back to Tokyo!).

The nurse asked me to try bottle feeding Isaac tonight. Although for some reason she made a hungry and crying Isaac wait for 30 minutes before she told us that (with the bottle ready to go and us waiting for her to start the feed for at least 10-15 minutes). So by the time Isaac got to eat, he got tired quite quickly. The nurse finished the tail end of the bottle feeding because Isaac was so tired and his SpO2 levels were dropping again.

Isaac seems really tired these days. I don't really know what is happening to him when we are not there but I suspect its the same things that happen to other babies whose parents are not there when we are visiting. Other babies are often ignored and left to cry for a very long time when they get hungry even when their SpO2 levels drop and all their alarms are going off. Even if Isaac is not being ignored, all the other alarms (which are set to a REALLY loud level in GCU for some reason) are probably preventing Isaac from resting properly.

Although we are very grateful to Toho Hospital's doctors and nurses for taking such good care of Isaac when he was in NICU. The conditions in GCU are really not very good. Please continue to pray that Isaac can be discharged sooner rather than later so that he can be properly taken care of at home by us. However, I have asked the doctor to give me one month's notice before Isaac's discharge so that I can have time to arrange for a short leave from work so until I hear from the doctor, I always know that is at least another month ahead of us.

I didn't get to take good pictures of Isaac today because of the feeding and his crying.

Thanks very much for your prayers,

Sonia

Just a video tonight (well, and a prayer request)

Dear all,

I am pretty tired tonight so I won't post much. I do have a prayer request. My milk supply has fallen quite a bit the last week again. I have already been eating oatmeal every day. I started taking Fenugreek last night. If it doesn't get better, I will start taking Milk Thistle as well. Tonight, I also asked Isaac's primary nurse (and for her to discuss with Dr. Ishii) to consider letting me breastfeed Isaac directly just a little bit to help with my milk supply. I told her how strongly I felt about breastfeeding Isaac after he is discharged and I need help to maintain my milk supply. Isaac reallly needs my fresh breast milk (and not my frozen milk) when he gets discharged as he needs my antibodies to face defend against the germs in the outside world (especially since it looks like he will be discharged right before flu season). So please pray that God will soften the doctors and nurses' hearts at Toho and at least grant me this little request.

Please also pray for my mom's disappointed heart. She has been here for a couple of weeks and will be leaving early next week. We asked if they will let her see Isaac before she goes as she doesn't plan on returning until Isaac is discharged but they will only let her see Isaac through the glass and won't let her into GCU. I know she was really hoping to hold Isaac. Sad thing is, I have checked around on other hospitals in Tokyo and they all officially allow grandparents to go into NICU (and of course GCU). So we know that this is yet again another arbitrary policy they have at NoNo, oops I mean Toho Hospital. :-p

Anyway, here is the video from tonight. Enjoy!



God bless,

Sonia

Picky Little Boy

We are learning about what makes our little boy cry:

1. Hunger - Isaac definitely does not like being hungry. He can may be stand it for 3 licks and then he starts crying. I said "licks" because when Isaac gets hungry, he starts licking the air first.

2. Poopie diapers - either Isaac really hates poopies on his little butt or he cannot stand the smell of his own poopies (and boy do they stink!) because he will cry and cry until we clean up his butt. Once we clean his butt from all poopies, even before we put the clean diaper back on, he stops crying.

3. Wet clothes - the nurse spilled some milk on Isaac's gown today towards the end of his feeding. Isaac started fussing and crying. So at first the nurse thought he needed to burp. So she burped him but he still cried. Then she smelled something and told me that he had poopied so I changed his diapers. But he hadn't pooped. And then I finally changed his damp gown to a nice clean dry one and he stops crying!

So I guess our boy is pretty picky and likes being clean and comfortable at all times!

Please pray for us as Jong is leaving on another 2 week trip tomorrow. He is going to be traveling a lot. Isaac and I will miss him a lot and he will miss us a lot too!

Its going to be tough to take good pictures with Jong gone. Jong went in the afternoon today and I tried to take pics with one hand while holding Isaac with my other arm. They did not turn out well. But here are some pictures from yesterday.

Isaac and mommy looking at each other:

A close-up of Isaac looking at mommy:Is Isaac saying "peace out" because he finally got his milk or is he doing the "V" because he knows he is getting his picture taken in Japan? ^_^

Good night and God bless!

Sonia

I think HP is down

I know quite a few Hannah Prayer's sisters check my blog so I just wanted to do a quick post that I think HP is down. I have confirmed this with a few other sisters via email and they cannot get on either. Praying and hoping it gets fixed and back up soon!

I miss my HP sisters! : )

Sonia

At Last -- Videos

I am coming to the realization that when people ask me whether I have updated my blog yet or they tell me they need their "Isaac fix", they are actually more interested in seeing his pictures and videos than to read about my babbling. ^_^

So by popular demand, I am sharing 3 videos tonight.

This video is from a few days ago and is a clip of Isaac hiccuping:



This video is from today and is very funny because we caught Isaac burping very loudly. Check out his expression before he burps: ^_^



This video is from the tail end of his feeding today (after he burped):



So that you don't get confused, the person feeding Isaac is the nurse, not me. They still don't let us bottle feed Isaac yet but they finally increased his feeding to 35 ml per feeding today. Isaac hasn't been gaining weight this week. In fact, he has been losing a bit of weight this week. Today he weighed 1,734 grams.

Blessings,

Sonia

Counting Blessings

Dear all,

I have been posting on this daily blessings thread on Hannah's Prayer so that I can remember to look up to God and to praise and thank Him. I just want to share my blessings for today (Friday Aug 4) with all of you as well:

Today, I am thankful

-that the Word of God is so readily available to me. In print form when I am at home. Over the internet when I am at work. On my palm pilot when I am in between the two places.

-that, almost a year ago, God led me to a wonderful group of Christian women who understand my pain and my sadness, as well as my joys and my hopes, because He knew I will need to be relying on my HP sisters than I could have ever imagined.

-that through Jesus Christ, all my sins are forgiven, so that I can experience the full extent of God's love.

-for music that sings to my heart and music that allows my heart to sing to God.

-that on the days when I don't know how this pain will ever stop, I know that some day, some how God will heal my broken heart.

-that before my broken heart is healed, I know He is here to comfort me and hold me.

-that I know my tiny boy is in God's Hands and that even though Isaac is alone in the hospital, I know he is never alone because the Holy Spirit is whispering just how much Jesus loves him into his ears and because he is surrounded by angels sent by our Lord to watch over him.

I pray that all of you have a blessed weekend,

Sonia

Bottle feeding

Dear all,

I don't have a lot to report these days. Jong and I are trying to go at separate times as much as possible so that we can collectively give Isaac 2 hours of cuddling when we can. So we haven't been taking as many pictures. Isaac graduated to getting all his milk through bottle feeding today although he still has a feeding tube in his nose for when he sometimes get to tired and is not able to finish all the milk by himself. This is really good news as Isaac has gotten progressive fussier each night when I was visiting this past week and when he was only get fed through the tube. He seems to get quite unhappy when we try to give him the pacifier and no milk is coming out from the pacifier even though he is getting milk into his tummy through the tube.

I will hopefully have more pictures and more to report over the weekend!

Good night!

Sonia

Urgent Prayer Request for Jennifer's two surviving triplets

Dear all,

I just received the following email from my friend Jennifer's husband Tony. My heart is breaking for them. Please pray hard for their two surviving children Alex and Emily. Please also pray for the entire family as I know just how difficult this road is. I am in awe of God -- that He put Jennifer and I together on WebMD way back when I started using WebMD to chart my cycles and now our stories are so similar. That I was able to walk this road a little ahead of them so that I could be here for them now. We all have to go through tough, tough times in our journey on this earth but God always provides.

I am glad that Rachel was there to welcome Christopher to heaven. I know they are in the arms of Jesus being completely covered with His Love. I would also like to think they are having fun playing with each other, both having sacrificed for their siblings (Christopher also PROM'ed although it was a slower leak than Rachel's PROM).

Dear Sonia,

We have some good and bad news. Over the weekend, Jennifer started contractions. She became tender around her belly and tests showed an elevated white blood cell count. She also had a bladder infection and started bleeding again; this time there were some clots. The doctors (One of the good ones!) advised us on July 31st that he believed that there was an infection around one of the babies (probably Christopher), and since they couldn't treat infections in utero, the best chance for them would be an emergency C-section. The triplets were born at 11:08 AM, 11:09 AM, and 11:10 AM.

Christopher was our first born, but he was badly squished from the lack of fluid combined with the weight of Alexander and Emily on top of him. The doctors tried to insert a breathing tube, but his lungs were too small for even ther smallest tube. We did get to hold him his last few minutes. As you know, babies at 24 weeks haven't opened their eyes yet, but Christopher had both eyes open, and we know from the ultrasound that he had lenses in each eye. We like to think that he at least got a glimpse of mom and dad before he passed on. We were able to get a priest to do what the Catholic Church calls a 'conditional baptism' on him, which essentially means that even though there wasn't any sign of life by the time the priest arrive, we acknowledge that God's conception of life does not necessarily correspond to ours, and that in baptising him we are giving him to God. I was thinking about Mark10:13-16 while this was happening, and the though of Jesus blessing the children gave us great comfort. We also thanked him for being so strong and brave and holding on for four weeks to give his brother and sister a fighting chance. We will tell them all about their brave older brother when they get older.

Alexander and Emily are, according to the doctors, 'pink and lively'. According to the nurses, this means that Alexander kicked the doctors after the got oxygen in him and them peed all over them. As they were being wheeled out, I saw Emily struggling with the doctor; apparently she didn't like her breathing tube and was trying to pull it out already. Alexander has been doing excellent since they brought him out. He looks nice and pink and all of his vitals have been stable since birth. Last night they moved him into an incubator. (He was under a Saran-Wrap blanket to keep him from drying out while they were working on him.) He grabs our fingers in his little hands when offered, and gives the nurses trouble because he kicks them whenever they need to change his fluids or take samples. Other than that, they say that he's a good boy and doing well.

Emily had some trouble the first night. Here lungs don't appear to be as mature as Alex's are. Her blood oxygen levels were too low, so they tried a puffer, which gives her 360 breathes per minute. She's trying to breathe on her own, but this was interfering with the ventilator so they had to sedate her. (The doctors say they almost never have to sedate 24-weekers.) She started doing better, but around 3 AM on August 1at, a doctor told us that her breathing and heart rate had crashed and she didn't think Emily would survive, but that they weren't going to give up yet. They added NO gas to her mixture, and two hours later, she had good oxygen levels in her blood. Her heart rate was a little high, but every time we see her she looks a little better. Right now she's on a 30-40% oxygen mixture and is looking much pinker. She had some problems with her lower legs, which looked like there wasn't good gas exchange, but they've gone from purple to dark red to red to almost pink now. Her heart rate has also come down. Yesterday, they struggled with her blood pressure, but gave her some dopamine and have been gradually weaning her off so they can give her some morphine to lower her heart rate a little. The good news is that she has been stable for the past day or so.

The doctor says that both of them have plenty of fight in them and that they are very vigorous, almost too vigorous!

I almost forgot - the babies have been peeing and pooping, so things seem to be working there. Making messes already!

Jennifer got your orchid yesterday. She didn't know who it was from, but I knew that you were sending her something. (I never told her this because I didn't want to spoil the surprise.) She was overhelmed when she saw that it was an orchid and that it came from you and Jong. She started crying because it reminded her of Rachel and Christopher, and thought it was wonderful that it came the day after the triplets were born.

We continue to pray for you, Jong, and Isaac. Please pray for Alexander Edward and Emily Anne.

God Bless You All,

Tony and Jennifer

Answered Prayer

I just want to report that one of the prayers a lot of you have been praying for was answered tonight as I was able to hold Isaac for almost the full hour tonight.

Typically, I go to visit Isaac at 7 pm on weekday nights. 7 pm is also Isaac's feeding time and he is fed by tube in the evening which is done by a slow drip. When he is being fed by tube, the hospital thought it was very important for him to be lying down in his crib instead of being held by us. I don't really know why but I think they think that moving is not good for Isaac while he is being tube fed and I guess they thought we are not capable to stay still while holding Isaac even if we are told that we should.

In any case, may be the nurses might have actually observed during the past few days that Isaac is very happy when cuddling with me and breathes better when held by me. So tonight, when I got there, Isaac was really fussing again and crying pretty hard. With his crying, his SpO2 levels went down quite a bit and tonight even his heartbeat rate went down to the 90s (its usually at 130s or above). The nurse couldn't calm him down while he was in the crib and I guess its bad for him to be crying while being tube fed. So the nurse actually asked me if I could hold Isaac while he is being tube fed. I almost went "duh". We had asked if I could hold him while he was being tube fed just 2 or 3 days ago because he looked so comfortable while being held by me but were told no.

So I got to hold Isaac for almost the full hour tonight! After I started holding Isaac, he calmed down pretty quickly and his SpO2 levels were soon in the 90% levels and even 100! Usually, the drip on the tube feeding is very slow so it takes almost the full hour to feed him so we would only be able to hold him for a very short time before he gets fed. I hope they will continue to let me hold him while he is tube fed when I visit.

Another good thing was Jong was able to go to see Isaac earlier in the day today so Isaac got a lot more cuddling today than usual! I think he is getting used to it because he looked pretty grumpy when I had to put him back down when the visiting hour was over.

Please keep praying!

Thanks and God bless,

Sonia

Our Babies' Due Date

I woke up from a pretty bad nightmare this morning but things got better and better after that.

To make a long story short. I got really sick of being mopey and read Psalm 23.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

I know Psalm 23 is one of the most well-known and well-read bible passages but its one of those passages that REALLY does get better as time goes by. Especially after having gone through trials or a loss. My soul definitely felt restored after reading it. And I was able to get back to praising God again. Praise God for giving us two beautiful children. Praise God that Rachel is so happy in heaven cuddling with Jesus. Praise God that Isaac is so brave and strong and that Jong and I can cuddle with him here on earth.

Just a few quick recent Isaac funnies:

-over the weekend, when I was changing Isaac's diapers, Jong had his head down next to Isaac. Remember, Isaac is still pretty tiny so his butt isn't that far away from his head. In any case, when I was getting some wipes to clean Isaac up, Jong was surprised by this noise coming out of his son's butt. Hehe, so Isaac farted in his daddy's face already!

-we also discovered that Isaac burps very loudly. Just like his daddy. ^_^

-yesterday, as Isaac was cuddling with me while we were waiting for the nurse to feed Isaac (we are still not allowed to feed him ourselves), Isaac got really hungry as usual. Well, he got so hungry he started licking me! Poor little hungry boy! ^_^

-then he started crying because he got too hungry, so we gave him the pacifier. But our little boy soon figured out that no milk was coming out of the pacifier and started crying again so Jong tried to get Isaac to suckle on his pinkie, but our smart little boy (at least when it comes to his food) was not fooled one bit. He sucked his daddy's pinkie twice and immediately realized that no milk was going to come out of there so he started balling again.

This is Isaac's favorite spot these days. Since we are not allowed to do kangaroo care, we are trying to simulate it so that at least his face can be touching my skin during the limited time we are allowed to cuddle. We really think it helps his breathing as he looks so happy there and he breathes well while we are cuddling with him. Too bad the hospital doesn't get that this is GOOD, not harmful for Isaac!



Thank you for all of your prayers and words of encouraging. Thank you most of all for reminding me to look UP to our Lord and not to look down at myself.

In Christ,

Sonia