A Christmas Present from Grandma and Grandpa in Los Angeles!!!

Dear all,

I just wanted to share a few quick pictures. The postal truck is a Christmas present from Isaac's grandma and grandpa (Jong's parents) in Los Angeles. Inside the postal truck is a letter to Isaac from his grandparents!

Hope you are enjoying a blessed Christmas!

p.s. Don't ask me why there are all these pink bags right behind Isaac. ^_^ Actually Jong brought back all this loot from the US (from various people as well as our own purchases). We didn't have time to wrap them and I think my mom just threw them into gift bags without looking at the color of the bags!

Merry Christmas!!!

Isaiah 9:6-7

6 For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

7 Of the increase of his government and peace
there will be no end.
He will reign on David's throne
and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
with justice and righteousness
from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the LORD Almighty
will accomplish this.

John 1:1-5, 10-14

1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2He was with God in the beginning. 3Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4In him was life, and that life was the light of men. 5The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

10He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. 11He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. 12Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— 13children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. 14The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 3:16

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Isaac, Jong and I would like to wish you all a very blessed Christmas filled with love and grace.

Blessings,

Sonia

For those with grieving hearts this Christmas

The Christmas and New Year season can be quite difficult for those who are grieving. I would like to share a radio broadcast with those of you who might be grieving, especially for this who might be grieving a pregnancy loss, late loss or infant loss. I learned about this broadcast from an HP sister who also lost a twin girl but got to keep a surviving twin boy. The guests on the broadcast are Nancy and David Guthrie. Nancy Guthrie is the author of a book called "Holding on to Hope" that was highly recommended to me and I have just recently ordered this book and am hoping to be able to read it soon. Nancy and David lost two of their babies to Zellweger Syndrome. Here is a description of the book - Holding on to Hope

I haven't finished listening to the series of broadcasts yet but really enjoyed what I have heard so far. I hope it can help some of you as well. Please click the following link to get to the broadcast - FamilyLife Today Broadcast with guests Nancy and David Guthrie

Praying for all of you with grieving and hurting hearts this Christmas,

Sonia

Isaac is a little under the weather

Hello everyone. Isaac reacted to his shots on Thursday with a bit of a fever. Fortunately, his fever broke later that evening, followed by a low grade fever on Friday but his fever was entirely gone by Saturday. I am glad he was able to get over it without getting much worse. However, he does have a bit of a cough and is wheezing a bit but his oxygen saturation levels are doing okay so at this point I am not too worried yet.

I am incredibly tired this weekend due to a crazy work week and then not sleeping on Thursday night because of Isaac's fever (not because of him - I was just too wired to go to sleep) and its already late on Sunday night. So I will just keep this short and post videos and pictures which can speak for themselves! (Okay, I will confess - part of the reason I am loading all these is for Jong since he is traveling ^_^).

Isaac looking sad with a fever and a cold towel on his head:
Isaac has some weird eating positions that he likes:
And here are some videos (check out the first and the last ones for his smiles ^_^):







Take care,

Sonia

Yoo Hoo. We are still here!

Sorry I haven't posted for so long! Basically work has gone completely insane for me. Everyone is trying to close deals before the end of the year. This time of the year has always been very busy but this year really seems a lot more crazy than usual.

In any case, another big reason why I haven't posted for so long is because I spent all weekend on 2 big projects. First big project was shopping for Isaac. He has outgrown his Newborn size clothes and Jong will be going back to the US for a trip shortly so I was trying to buy some 0-3 mo and 3-6 mo clothes for Isaac online to allow for enough shipping time for the purchases to arrive before Jong comes back to Tokyo.

My other big project was I actually put our Christmas Card together. I won't say what it looks like since I want those of you who will get it to be surprised. Now, please do know that they will not be sent out till next year as Jong will be bringing back the cards back from US to Tokyo right before Christmas and then I will need to label them on the days I have off over the New Year and then send them back out. In any case, I am very pleased with how it turned out (although I haven't seen a real print yet they look really great online). On the downside, each card was quite expensive so I didn't over order so I hope I have enough! Now I realized that its probably bad to tell everyone that I did do the Christmas Card because people might feel bad if they don't get it next year. Well, if you really want it, please send me your snail mail address. Because my biggest excuse will be I don't have people's current address!

We went back to Toho last Thursday for Isaac's eye check-up. Its funny how low-tech the eye check up was. They put some eye drops in 30 minutes before and then the check up consisted of the doctor shining a flash light into Isaac's eyes and the doc looking at Isaac's eyes through some kind of magnifying glass in a dim room. Even the doctor's notes were low-tech. They were hand written drawings in a plastic folder. We did stop by NICU and Isaac got to say hi to some of his nurses who were very excited to see him.

Poor little Isaac. He got his 3rd anti RS Virus shot last Wed and will be getting more immunization shots at the International Clinic tomorrow. So far he has done relatively okay with the shots but please pray that he will continue to do well after tomorrow.

Sorry I don't have time to post pictures tonight. I just wanted to drop a quite note to let everyone know how we are doing. I better run as I have a very early start tomorrow to get Isaac to the clinic on time and then a very long day/night at work after that!

By the way, Isaac weighed 4.54 kgs last night.

Blessings,

Sonia

Can't believe its December already!!!

Somehow I received 2 emails from 2 different friends today who both "encouraged" me to keep updating my blog. So I got the hint and here I am! ^_^ Actually, I have really wanted to update here all weekend but time just gets away from me. Last week was a particularly busy week as I was away at offsite meetings from Monday through Wednesday afternoon. And the weekends are so busy too!

We have had a couple of nurse home visits now and the nurse stressed how important it is to keep Isaac's oxygen saturation levels at 95% or above. The tiny NG tube we were using in lieu of the regular nasal cannular was just not working well for us as we had to put too much tape on Isaac's face to keep it on and he still was able to get it off all the time so we decided to go back to the regular nasal cannular and he is doing better with that. We are also turning the O2 up from 0.25 l/hour to 0.50 l/hour when he sleeps at night. I think the theory is to have him use up less calories breathing so that he can grow faster. And the bigger he grows (especially the longer he grows), the faster his lungs will outgrow the damaged parts of his lungs so the sooner he will get off of the O2.

Isaac is interacting with us a lot more now. He started grabbing at toys probably more than a month ago. He loves playing peek-a-boo with us - here is Isaac's version of peek-a-boo. We put a light handkerchief over his eyes and then pulls down the handkerchief and we call out "Isaac!" and he will smile a lot with that game. I have also tried leaving the handkerchief there and he would try to get it off himself too. He is able to do so majority of the time but if it takes too long, he will get frustrated.

He also started cooing to us more this weekend. So far, as I have mentioned before, he really didn't make that much noise except for when he is crying. He mostly grunted, whined and squealed. Well, this weekend, when we "talked" to him, he will actually making "oooh" and "eeeh" sounds back so we were definitely very excited!

I have been dreaming about Rachel a lot these days. I usually would dream about Isaac and Rachel separately but a few days ago, I dreamed that I was holding both Isaac and Rachel and it was the greatest feeling (that was until something/someone tried to take Rachel away from me). I don't usually see Rachel's face in my dreams but one night I did see her and she looked like a very sweet and cute female version of Isaac (if you can imagine someone cuter and sweeter than Isaac - okay I am biased ^_^).

In any case, I realized tonight that I never posted some old videos that I intended to post so I am posting a whole bunch of videos tonight.

Here are a series of videos from November 10 that I forgot to post before:







This video is from November 15. Even though Jong said Isaac was grabbing at the toys for the first time in the video, Isaac had already been doing that for a week or more. It was the first time we got it on video though.



This video is from November 26. Some of you may remember that Isaac's first toy in NICU was this Japanese hero Anpanman (the Red Bean Cake Man who offers his head, which is filled with Red Bean Paste, to sick or weak children and old people to eat to make them stronger (I am not kidding!)). Anpanman is actually a very popular character here and Isaac's primary nurse from NICU brought this toy for Isaac on Thanksgiving. This is Isaac playing with it.



Isaac now likes to hold his hands together and it makes him look like he is doing a "kung fu" greeting likes so:
Jong gets quite excited about Isaac's kung fu moves:



Here are some pictures from yesterday before his bath and after we took his cannular off. We finally got a bit of a smile from Isaac on photo.
And finally, I actually attempted to take some pictures for may be a Christmas card yesterday morning. I changed Isaac into a little cute overall outfit again supplied by my sister and put him under the Christmas tree in his bumbo chair. The only problem is I did this all by myself and he kept moving around. These 4 pictures are the only pictures out of the 25 I took that are not fuzzy. So if I used these pictures for Christmas cards and if you were to take a vote, which one would you pick (1, 2, 3 or 4)? Please let me know!
Also, not that I am promising I will actually get my act together to send out Christmas cards and even if I did I am pretty sure they will arrive after the New Year. However, if I were to send out Christmas cards and you are interested in receiving one, please email me your snail mail and email addresses at rachelandisaac@gmail.com (email is for if I end up just being able to email out Christmas cards).

By the way, Isaac weighed 4.23 kgs (9.3 lbs) today!

Before I go, can I please ask all of you to pray harder for Emily, the surviving triplet of Jennifer and Tony? It doesn't look like she can get home before Christmas as her lungs are still not doing well enough. I know this must be very hard for Jennifer and Tony. Please pray for miraculous healing for Emily so that she can go home soon to be with her parents. Please read more about her prospects for going home and her lungs under the entries on December 1, 2006 in Emily's blog here - EMILY's BLOG.

God bless,

Sonia

Been very busy

Dear all,

Sorry it took me so long to post. Last week turned out to be very busy as it was my first week back to work and I cooked a big Thanksgiving meal on Thursday, which also happened to be a national holiday in Japan. I am leaving to a company off-site this morning and will be gone through Wed night so I am cramming this post in before I leave. It will be tough to be gone for 2 nights! I am basically just posting some pictures for everyone to see (especially since I know my mother in law and my sister are checking all the time for new pictures of Isaac!)

Isaac playing with one of his favorite toys:

My dad went back to Beijing yesterday after staying for a bit more than a week. My dad was very nervous when holding Isaac when Isaac first got home but by the time he left yesterday, he was loving it more and more!
Isaac on his belly:
Isaac right after his bath last night:
I didn't get a chance to take lots of pictures at Thanksgiving because I was so busy and these two pictures are my only pictures. Apparently, the food came out good and I think everyone enjoyed it!
We also celebrated our 10th Wedding Annivesary on Nov 22 (although we didn't really do that much for it since we were so busy). I don't have digital pictures from my wedding 10 years ago but took a picture of one of our wedding pictures I put in a frame to share here.
God bless,

Sonia

First Day Back at Work

I have been meaning to post pictures and videos ever since about Wed last week and time just got away from me! Last week was my last week of leave so I had to run around a bit finishing up errands such as getting Isaac into the international clinic to get his shots, going to the Canadian Embassy and getting a long needed haircut before going back to work.

We took Isaac to the international clinic on Thursday and the doctor Dr. Che who usually takes care of expat babies (as he doesn't take Japanese insurance) seemed quite happy with Isaac's condition and progress, which made Jong and I relieved and happy as well. Isaac has been doing pretty well with the shots - he has been more tired and not eating as much over the weekend but he didn't get a fever nor acted like he got sick so we are relieved. His eating seemed to have picked back up today.

I was a bit poutie all weekend may be because of the prospect of going back to work and missing Isaac. Also, Wednesday Nov 22 will be our 10th year anniversary -- I got my first BFP (Big Fat Positive) on a Home Pregnancy Test last year on Nov 19 while Jong was away on a business trip and then started testing quite a few times afterwards so that when Jong got back home in the morning of our 9th wedding anniversary last year on Nov 22, I lined up a whole row of positive home pregnancy tests as his anniversary present. We were so happy and excited last year this time. What an incredible year we have had since then. It was filled with fear yet also with miracle after miracle, heartache yet also with joy and mercy, brokenness yet also with healing and grace. Thinking about last year this time has made me miss Rachel more recently. I miss having her alive inside me. I am so curious as to what she would have looked like if she were still here, what type of personality she would have, how she and Isaac would interact with each other...

Anyway, so my first day wasn't too bad. Except that I had a bit of a hard time concentrating - because I was thinking about and missing Isaac ALL the time. I almost came back home for lunch and then work piled up so I couldn't. I then ended leaving the office at around 7:15 pm (while majority of my dept was still there - busy time of the year). Then I got home and discovered that I left my pumped breast milk in the ice bag in my office!! So I had to go back to the office after wolfing down a quick dinner. But then when I got to the garage I realized I left my car keys in my apartment! So back up to the apartment I went. I finally picked up Isaac's milk (luckily my office is only 5-10 mins drive away) and came home, gave him a bath and finally put him to bed just now after feeding him!!!

Time was FLYING before this. I think its going to ZOOOOOOM by now that I am back to work!!!

I will try to post pictures and videos soon. But it might be kind of hard before the weekend comes. I am cooking thanksgiving for probably around 20 or more people! We are inviting nurses and doctors from Toho University hospital. Please pray that what I cook turns out all right, I don't want them to have a bad impression of what will probably be the first Thanksgiving Dinner most of them would be having!

God bless,

Sonia

Some new pictures

Isaac in his new bumbo chair:
We went to a lactational consultant appointment on Saturday morning. It seems like it is still too hard for Isaac to nurse right now. As we are still having a lot of trouble bottle feeding him (he takes an hour or more usually), we just want to focus on bottle feeding him for now and I will keep pumping. Although I will probably still try to nurse him a little bit when he is not too agitated. In any case, we don't have a lot of going out outfits that fit Isaac right now as we don't expect to take him out too often but my sister bought a whole bunch of cute clothes for Isaac when she came to visit. I thought her clothes were going to be too big for him but we tried one set on him and it actually fitted and he was oh so cute! The only problem was he was throwing tantrums when we were trying to take pictures of him so he didn't look very happy.

Praising God for St. Luke's, plus a visit from a couple of old friends of Isaac's

We are so clueless. At our appt at St. Luke's on Monday, the doctor said they have a home nurse visit program and that we don't have to go back to St. Luke's for his anti RS Virus shot in December so I thought that is wonderful, we will get a nurse visit a month!

So I get this call tonight and the nurse is planning to come next Tuesday!!!! I am still clueless as I don't know what she does when she visits and how often she will be coming but it sounds like its more than a month and at the very least, Isaac will be monitored more carefully for sickness and his breathing - which I think means that he will be able to get off of supplemental oxygen sooner!

Some of you may remember that when we were looking for a new hospital for Isaac's post discharge care, we wanted to go to Red Cross Hospital but Isaac was inexplicably rejected by Red Cross. We then had to hustle and tried to get into St. Luke's basically because we know its more international and its a Christian hospital. At that time, we just wanted to get into St. Luke's and had not done any real research. We ended up with a pediatrician for Isaac who is also a Neonatologist and is apparently famous in his field and now this home nurse visit program which sounds very promising!!! I guess God really does know what He is doing!!! Praise God!

Isaac had a couple of his good old friends visit today - his primary nurse in NICU Ayako-san and Ueno-san, another NICU nurse who took care of Isaac. It was really great seeing them again and I think they were very happy to see Isaac as well.

Here are some pictures from today.

Ueno-san is on the left and Ayako-san is on the right:
Me, Ayako-san and Isaac:A close up of Isaac so you can see his new nasal cannular. Its actually not a real nasal cannular. Dr. Kusakawa used a nasal feeding tube to act as a nasal cannular.
Because Isaac was breathing really well tonight and I had to retape his nasal cannular to the other side of his face, I took it off during his bath. Here is a cute picture of him in his chicken towel after his bath. He looks a LOT cuter in this towel in person!
God bless,

Sonia

First Doctor's Visit

Dear all,

We are home from Isaac's first trip out of the apartment for his first doctor's visit. Isaac was a really good boy and didn't cry too much. Since Jong had to meet us at the hospital, it took me a bit of time to figure out how to adjust the straps on the infant car seat, how to get the infant ar seat into the stroller, etc. And then, while we were on our way, Isaac kept complaining in the infant car seat as he is not used to being completely strapped down but surprisingly didn't throw a tantrum.

He was very happy when we got to the waiting room because there were so many new things for him to see. The first thing Isaac's new doctor, Dr. Kusakawa, said was that we should change the type of nasal cannular Isaac is using to a much smaller/narrower tube so that the end of the tube goes inside one of his nostrils and that we can lower the oxygen setting from 0.75 liter/hour to 0.25 liter/hour (the lowest setting). That is very good news because the big nasal cannular has really started bothering Isaac a lot. Later in the appointment he also said that so long as Isaac is satting well, we don't have to keep him on oxygen during the day but only at night. Woo hoo!! This means that we have to monitor him more carefully but we think its a big step forward!

Isaac did really well at the exam when the doctor moved a toy around and wanted Isaac to track the toy with his eyes and his head. The doctor then also said Isaac no longer needs to take the medicine he has been taking to treat anemia, the medicine that acts like caffeine to help with treating breathing and apnea and a diuretic Isaac has been taking.

It seems like Isaac's main problem right now is his size. So we just have to focus on his eating and eating. The doctor thinks we should start giving him some Neosure to help him with his nutritian so we will be supplementing my breastmilk with formula. He also thought I should try to nurse diretly more and I have an appointment with a lactational consultant on Saturday to try to work on that.

Please pray that Isaac can adjust to the new cannular (and no O2 during the day when he is doing well) and weaning off of his medicine.

His measurements today were:
-weight 3.555 kg (7.821 lbs)
-height 50.5 cm (almost 20 inches)

He also didn't cry too much from his Synargis (anti RS virus) shot. We are so proud of our little boy! The good news is St. Luke's has a nurse home visit program so we don't have to go back to there next month for his Synargis shot as a nurse will come to our home to do it! We still have to go to an international clinic for Isaac to get the immunizations required in the U.S. as Japanese hospitals don't offer them and we are going back to Toho for Isaac's eye appointment in early December. If Isaac does well and doesn't get sick, Isaac's next visit with Dr. Kusakawa will be in early January.

Unfortunately, the doctor confirmed that early intervention and therapy will not be available to Isaac so we will need to try to figure out how to help Isaac out on our own at home.

All in all it was a really great appointment. Praise the Lord!!! When we first got home, the narrow nasal cannular was not really inside Isaac's nostril and he was still satting at high 80's and low 90's. Now, after a nice bath and retaping the cannular, Isaac is now sleeping and satting at or above 96 percentile.

Isaac also really enjoyed going out. He was still pretty excited after coming home and was wide wide awake until he finally crashed after his bath. Too bad we can't take him out until Spring!

Thanks for all of your prayers and please continue to pray for our little guy.

Here are a few pictures from the past few days.

Picture of daddy and Isaac napping together. Look at how their mouths are opened the exact same way when they sleep! Hehe.
Nice picture of daddy and Isaac cuddling. Well, at least daddy looks happy.
Here are a couple of pictures we took at the hospital after our appointment while we were waiting for him to get his anti RS Virus shot, so Isaac's cannular has been changed already.
God bless,

Sonia

First Doctor's Visit on Monday plus a New Ministry

Dear all,

I wanted to post a note to let you know that we will take Isaac to his first doctor's appointment at St. Luke's Hospital after his discharge on Monday. Please pray that Jong and I will think of all the questions we need to ask and develop a great relationship with Isaac's new doctor and nurses. Please also pray for a smooth trip there and back and that Isaac will be protected against the germs and viruses he will be exposed to outside our apartment.

Isaac is eating and sleeping lots these days. We are hoping that means he is trying hard to grow. He weighed in at 3.49 kg last night (7.7 lbs) and has been gaining approximately 50 grams a day the past week.

I am also excited about a new online ministry called Parenting After Infertility (PAI) that will launch on Monday November 7, 2006. I plan to stay an active member on Hannah's Prayer while getting involved in PAI.

Here is the official announcement:

Notice of a new online Christian ministry to launch November 6, 2006.

Ministry Name: Parenting after Infertility Ministries (PAI)
Online Community Forums: www.parentingafterinfertility.com/forums
Mailing Address: PO Box 84287 – Pearland, TX 77584
Email: info@parentingafterinfertility.com
Founder: Kim Conger - kim@parentingafterinfertiliy.com

~~

Ministry Purpose Statement

Parenting after Infertility (PAI) is a Christian based support ministry for those who have suffered through the heartache of infertility and/or loss who are now blessed to be called Mom. Whether you became a Mom through the gift of adoption. or by a miracle pregnancy and birth, or if you are a foster Mom, PAI offers a safe place for you to share your joy and seek support from other Moms. We understand how rewarding and challenging parenting can be. We longed for and prayed for these precious children and often feel guilty when we feel tired, cranky, overwhelmed, uncertain and frustrated. We may have innocently voiced our frustration to only hear, “You asked for this” or “I would give anything to be a parent”. We may feel a heavy heart when we experience feelings other than sheer joy! PAI offers a safe place to share your joy, seek advice, wisdom, encourage and prayer from other Moms who do understand. While parenting is our main focus, we do offer support when the painful scars of infertility and loss reappear. PAI is for those whose family is complete and for those who long for more.

Our desire is to love, encourage, support, and pray for you as you embark or continue on this rewarding journey called Parenting. We hope to help each other to be the Christ-centered Mothers Jesus called us to be.

~~

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. Please prayerfully consider sharing Parenting after Infertility Ministries as a resource on your website or privately providing our website to those you feel may need ongoing Christian support while parenting after infertility.

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact us.


In His Love,
PAI Leadership Team

Future Tae Kwon Do Master?

I am not sure what Jong has been teaching Isaac...

Also, this is a video of Isaac kicking his legs around while he looks at his mobile. Although it looks like he is dancing with the music, he could be practicing his Tae Kwon Do kicks. Isaac is going to hate mommy when he grows up for posting this video. But if you listening carefully, right before I said "oh you are going to be so embarrassed", you can hear Isaac tooting (i.e. pangoo in Korean). Hehe. ^_^



God bless,

Sonia

What Isaac did this week

We are trying to show Isaac a lot of things that he didn't seem to be able to do yet - perhaps because of the lack of stimulation at the hospital. Anyway, at the beginning of the week, I was concerned that even though Isaac is sucking on his hands and fingures a lot, he doesn't seem to look at his hands at all. So we started trying to put his little fists in the line of his eyesight and after a day or two, he started looking at his fists! In fact, I see him moving his fist and looking at the shadows his fist made on the bed next to his head.

He is still not reaching out that much or grabbing anything at all so we are now trying to encourage him to do that more.

Isaac can also definitely turn from lying on his back to his side. Jong said he also saw Isaac going from his side to his tummy today but I didn't see it happening myself. He didn't do it again so I want to see it before proclaiming that Isaac knows how to turn over by himself.

In any case, the photos I took for his passport pictures may not work according to the photo shop I went to print them out so I took some more. Its amazing how much his face has filled out in the span of about 10 days.

This was taken on Oct 14, 2006:
This was taken on Oct 24, 2006:
Here is a pretty silly video of me and our helper Remy trying to get Isaac to smile for the camera. We got a couple of small smiles but that was it. He really does smile a lot now but I just can't to seem to get it on video!



Sonia

Pictures

Dear all,

I have been meaning to post these pictures for a while since we took them on October 14. I can't believe it took me 11 days to load them. We took Isaac's nasal cannular off to take some pictures for his passport so we took the opportunity to take a few more pictures. I personally think our boy is quite handsome. Hee hee.

This is the picture we made his passport picture from:
The cropped passport picture:



God bless,

Sonia

3rd week at home

Dear all,

I can't believe its Isaac's 3rd week at home already! After this week, I would have finished half of my leave. I think I am a lot more worried about Isaac than I should, especially after hearing Pastor Dennis's sermon this weekend on "Do Not Worry". Its hard not to worry living in Japan. It just seems that so much more is done for premature babies in the U.S. In the U.S., I think Isaac might already be getting early intervention treatments such as occupational therapy and physical therapy but we are pretty much on our own in Japan. I am waiting for our first month's appointment at St. Luke's to see if its possible to get Isaac into some kind of therapy but from what I have heard, its not that common in Japan and very difficult to get in.

I have been searching on the net to see if there are any "self help" guidance but haven't had much luck yet. If I had extra time between taking care of Isaac and work, I would be tempted to join some kind of online program to get a degree but then, by the time I get the degree it would be too late for Isaac anyway.

So we are still learning the lessons of surrendering to God. It somehow seems even harder now that Isaac is finally home from the hospital. Now that we have gotten passed the fears and worries with respect to the more immediate type of medical problems, we are now worried about his long term prognosis. Holding him and watching him each day makes it hard not to really want the very best for him as he grows up since he has already suffered so much. The guilt of being a preemie mother is really hard to fight off sometimes. I look at him and my heart aches to think that he will most probably be much smaller physically then his peers when he grows up. And then there are the unknowns of what kind of developmental delays and other struggles he will have. We have been told he is still at risk for cerebral palsy as he was born so prematurely (but it was very good that it doesn't seem he has had any brain bleeds).

So I think I have to try to focus on this following passage this week. To have faith that God IS in control, as He have been in control in every step of our journey this year. To remind myself of what a miracle Isaac already is so that I can focus on what God has done and what He will do instead of feeling sorry for myself.

Matthew 6:25-34

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I will try to load some videos and pictures later. I haven't had any luch trying to capture Isaac smiling on video yet. I would turn the video on and wait and wait, then I turn it off and he would smile!

Thanks for listening to my venting!

God bless,

Sonia

3 Kgs!

Dear all,

Sorry its been tough for me to post. As I mentioned before, Isaac learned very quickly after coming home that he likes being held all the time. If we want to put him down, we have to wait till he falls into deep sleep and then do it very gently. Since he is making up for lost time, we don't mind too much but it also means that I don't get a lot of computer time. He also really doesn't like the Moby Wrap I got and the Baby Sling I got is still too big for him. So for now, I am not able to wear him and free up my hands. Despite what I said before, I can actually move to other parts of the apartment because we do have very long tubing hooked up to Isaac's O2 machine. However, most of the time, its just easier to stay in our bedroom.

My entire family was here last week right after Isaac came home. I think its the first time for my parents, my sister and I to be in the same place since probably 2000. I was so out of it last week though it kind of went by in a blur. My dad left mid week last week and my sister left on Saturday. And then my mom got sick again on Sunday (she has been struggling with Meniere's Disease). Jong also left for a trip to Korea on Sunday and our helper Remy has Sundays off so I was basically all alone with Isaac on Sunday! I guess it was trial by fire! ^_^

Anyway, Jong just got back from his trip today and Isaac is now soundly asleep on daddy's soft belly - which is why I am able to post tonight.

My father in law was supposed to visit this coming weekend and we were really looking forward to it as he hasn't met Isaac yet (my mother-in-law met Isaac in NICU during his really early days). However, his trip got cancelled last minute so we are all very disappointed.

In any case, my days are quite busy. Isaac seems to be eating all the time as he feeds quite slowly. I am still pumping and bottle feeding him as he gets frustrated nursing because he is not suckling hard enough. I am buying a Nursing Supplement System called Lact-Aid and am hoping it would work. So apart from feeding him, I am also still pumping. And then we try to let him sleep on one of us during the day and we play with him during his awake times. In between all that, I am still trying to keep up with emails at work. I suspect the 6 weeks of leave I have is going to disappear before I know it!

When Isaac was at the hospital, the hospital gave him 50% breastmilk and 50% formula because they thought there were certain nutrients in formula that are not in breastmilk (however, they were just feeding him regular formula and not special formula like Neosure). In any case, Dr. Kawase said we didn't have to feed him formula when he got home so I have switched to almost 100% breast-milk. Jong did buy some Neosure from the U.S. but I still haven't really figured out how much of that I want to give Isaac (he doesn't seem to like it too much and it might be making his bowel movements (bm) more difficult but I am not completely sure). In any case, after he switched to almost 100% breastmilk, his bm's are less frequent. Although I have read everywhere that with breastfeeding, babies can have bm's from once a day to once a week and as long as the bm is not hard and Isaac's tummy is not distended. However, we still worry when he is not having bm often enough so it seems like we are always praying and hoping that Isaac would poop. LOL.

Anyway, when we weighed Isaac on our home scale last night before his bath, Isaac got to 3 kgs! Yippee!

Here are some videos from the past few days.







Take care and God bless,

Sonia

Sometimes I still can't believe my eyes

Dear all,

Its Friday night right now. Almost a week since Isaac came home. And this is what I am seeing from my bed:
Sometimes I still can't believe my eyes. Sometimes I still can't believe I have a son. It was such a long road to just get pregnant in the first place and then the past 6 months seemed like an eternity. It was such a long time ago when I was pregnant and then again it seemed like I barely got that pregnant. Now it seems almost surreal that I have this sweet (well he is not so sweet all the time, hehe) little boy next to my bed and he is my son.

I love watching him sleep. He is sleeping so well at home. Especially when he is being held. He totally deserves every minute of it after the long fight he fought to get home to us. Isaac has been smiling more and more at home. He not only smiles in his sleep but he also shows us these big gummy grins when he is awake now. I dreamed about Rachel for the first time last night. I dreamed that she just came home with us but she was a 2 month old full term baby. She was much bigger than Isaac and she was not only smiling, she was giggling. I told Isaac, your sister is giggling already, when are you going to giggle? And I was worried that Isaac was going to be so much smaller than his sister in my dream. ^_^

I just feel so blessed. I know I have been saying this so many times but I really can't describe how blessed I feel. How amazing God's grace is. I am so thankful that through Jesus, I can feel so blessed after walking through what seemed like fire. In March and April, I felt like I walked through the valley of the shadow of death but He restored my soul.

I just wanted to share a few passages that touched my heart tonight.

I Peter 1:6-7 --

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Psalm 23 --

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

God bless,

Sonia

Isaac at Home

Dear all,

I am sorry it took me so long to post a real post! I couldn't sleep for 2 nights in a row right before Isaac came home so by the time Saturday came, I was a complete zombie. Isaac also discovered that he likes being held a lot so its not been easy to put him down (he cries and then his oxygen saturation levels would go down). I finally figured out how to use the Moby Wrap yesterday but it doesn't always work because sometimes Isaac likes to move around too much. I have been able to put him in the wrap a couple of times so far. Even though I can't walk around the apartment because of his oxygen tube and monitor, its still great to free up both hands.

Isaac has basically been living like a king. He gets to eat whenever he wants, sleep whenever he wants and held whenever he wants. A friend mentioned that its the 24 hour buffet for him and I think he is enjoying it. However, I think he ate a little too much yesterday afternoon/night and ended up being very uncomfortable so we are going to watch how much he eats more carefully.

Isaac is sleeping in a co-sleeper next to me, which is great because when he cries at night, I can just look over and see what he is doing.

Anyway, I still don't have my thoughts together but basically we are really happy and so thankful to God right now. We continue to pray that Isaac will continue to grow and heal from his CLD and that he will not get sick this winter. Hopefully, I can get my thoughts together and post a more thoughtful post soon!

In any case, here is Isaac's homecoming "announcement":

Isaac Samuel Lee born at 23 weeks gestational age on April 4, 2006 at 641 grams (1 lb 6.5 ounces) and 30.8 cm (12 inches) long, came home at 2 months 1 week adjusted age on October 7, 2006 at 2,750 grams (6 lbs 1 ounce) and 45.6 cm (18 inches) long.

p.s. We weighed Isaac tonight (Oct 11, 2006) and if our scale is accurate, he already weighed 2,850 grams.

The following few pictures are of some of the people at Toho University Hospital who loved and took great care of Isaac so that Isaac could come home to us in such great shape.

This is Isaac and his primary NICU nurse Ayako-san:This is Isaac and his primary GCU nurse Imae-san:
Here is Dr. Ozawa, Isaac's heart surgeon, Nurse Ayako and the Lee Family before we took Isaac home from the hospital:
A family picture of the Lee Family at the hospital before we came home:At home, Isaac is already learning how to punch his daddy:
Here is a picture I took of Isaac when he was sleeping on my chest last night:
Isaac and mommy earlier tonight:
And here come the videos:

A video of Isaac enjoying his bouncy chair:



We caught Isaac chewing on his little thumb:



Isaac checking out his mobile:



Isaac's tummy time:



Thanks again for all of your prayers! Please do keep them coming!

God bless,

Sonia