Dreams

A pregnant mother dreams. Especially a pregnant mother who has longed for children for many years and is finally blessed. Especially a pregnant mother who was blessed with her wildest dreams come true – to be pregnant with boy and girl twins. I can’t begin to count all the dreams I dreamed about our little Isaac and Rachel when they were inside me. I dreamed of them sleeping in the same crib together, staring at each other, touching each other. I dreamed of nursing them together. I dreamed of them playing with each other, squealing with laughter with each other. I dreamed of praying together with the two of them at their bedside. I dreamed especially of the three of us praying for their daddy together with Isaac and Rachel on their knees.

Sometimes one of these dreams would still float pass my mind like a butterfly and flitter away. They would leave me with a longing, a dull ache. I miss my girl. I miss my girl and my boy together.

I think we all have things we dream about. Things we think we want. Things we think we need. We can get sooooo close to getting them. We think once we get what we dream about, what we long for, our lives would be perfect.

But we don’t realize that fairy tales don’t strip open our hearts to God.

We don’t realize that brokenness is what we need. Brokenness helps us surrender to God. Brokenness takes out the ambivalence, the callousness from our hearts. Brokenness make our hearts bleed, bleed with a new love for Jesus. Brokenness makes our hearts long for Jesus. Brokenness makes our heart full, achy, but yes, full.